Tuesday, November 23, 2004


Another record day for the Inbox...

Anonymous, using AOL, points out that the Hassidic Musician is not black, and therefore, "Jamie Foxx couldn't possibly play him in a biopic." We apologize. The offending sentence has been amended to read: "...a biopic, starring Jamie Foxx as the guy DM crosses the street to avoid late at night in Boro Park."

Anonymous, using MSN, objects to my name-dropping. "I don't like the way you keep mentioning other bloggers in your posts." We're tempted to say: "too bad," but because our therapist wishes us to be less antagonistic, we will instead contort our faces into what we hope is a smile, unclench our fists and say, "drop dead." No wait. Before you do, we'd also like you to know that A Simple Jew, Adam Ragil, Ari goes Down, Ben Chorin, Burry's Mad at the World Blog, Cara Chandira, Cookie, Dilbert (the blogger), Esefer, Esther, Haaretz, Hasidic Musician, Imshin(?), Jack, Jerusalem Revealed, JewView, Luke, Mindy, Miriam Bloghd, MoChassid, Psycho(Toddler), REN REB, Rivka, Sarah, Shaigetz (shtreimal), Shtreimel (shaigetz), Simcha, Sklaro, That velvel who hates me, Yehups, Yuter and Zman Biur don't seem bothered. So why don't you just tell us your name? We'll be pleased to drop it, too.

Anonymous, using Gmail, writes, “I really like your blog, but the crude jokes are disturbing.” This confuses us. We thought crude jokes were the point of DovBear. No, actually, we don’t know what you’re talking about. Have you perhaps been visiting dovbear.com or dovbear.gov by mistake?
UPDATE: Oh, you meant the crude pictures. Our mistake. Though we hasten to add that if you went to the mikva, like we do, you'd see much worse.

Anonymous, using Yahoo, has discovered something shocking, and he can't wait to let us know: "My god, DovBear, you are a terrible speller." Correct. However, Mr. Anonymous, you can help. After you've mastered the art of feeding yourself with a fork, we will offer you the prestigious, but low-paying job of spell-checking Dovbear. We'll continue doing the very easy and simple work - you know, writing, researching, making sure the blog is interesting, etc, so that you're free to do the hard part, ie: pressing F7. We’ll even provide a handsome paper certificate reading “World’s Number One Speller” along with bus fair and a small salary but, because this is still America, health insurance is not included.

1 comment:

Jack Steiner said...


We must share some of the same anonymous readers, because I too love my fan mail. Maybe I'll encourage some of them to come haunt your home instead of mine.