Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Morons here, morons there...

...I see morons everywhere.

Yesterday, I introduced a new acronym, BHM (black-hat-moron) to the DovBear lexicon (joining GOPJew and KefiyaTalis as phrases invented here.)

But what exactly is a BHM? See below (and for the sake of comparison and fairness, I've also defined MOM (modern-orthodox-moron))
BHMMOM
Michaper Kol Averot (forgives all sins)His hatHis Zionism
At kiddush, will knock you over to get:Kugel (burnt and greasy, please)Sushi
Cause of all suffering in the universe:Short hemlines / The New York TimesMuslim Arabs / The New York Times
Nightmare of nightmaresAn unmarried 19-year old daughterA meshulach at the door
Dream of dreamsA 5000 sq foot house, with a Lexus sedan in the drive and jealous neighbors next doorA 5000 sq foot house, with a Lexus SUV in the drive and jealous neighbors next door
Sin that's not really a sinTax fraud, bigotry, cheating at business.Mixed swimming, fish at non-kosher resteraunts.
Favorite mitzvahSitting in a bes medrash, drinking coffee, and "learning" Voting Republican
How he makes decisions: Decisions? Huh? I just ask my Rav. Is is good for Israel?
How he learns chumash: Rashi is always right! (Unless the Little Midrash Says disagrees, in which case teku.) Scours texts to develop apocalyptic scenarios involving crystals and space aliens, all having zero basis in legitimate commentary
How he learns gemarah: Chazal are always right! (Only modernishke herr doktor scholars look at Rishonim) Gema-what?
Favorite holiday: Lag B'omerYom Ha'atzmaut
Ditches his wife, family and all household responsibilities to: Sit in a bes medrash, drink coffee, and "learn" Play poker and/or attend sporting events
Has a child named after: Fauna (ie: Dov, Tzvi, Ze'ev)Flora (ie: Ilan, Tomar, Daphne)
Favorite blog:Yeshiva WorldDovBear

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