Friday, June 16, 2006

Barbaric Beliefs

[Explanation: Not all Jews embrace these convictions, of course, but some do. The point of this post is not to mock them, but to stamp out errors.]

Experience tells me that in any group of Orthodox Jews, you'll find a few who accept the truth of at least one of the following statements.

  • God only listens when you pray in hebrew
  • Waving a terrified and tortured chicken over your head pleases the creator of heaven and earth
  • A hat is essential to prayer
  • There are men (balei mofsim) with the power to change and control nature, yet they use this power primarily for parlor tricks.
  • Judaism was down with a wasting disease before the Ball shem Tov healed it - and not through the application of new ideas, God forbid, but via the rehabilitation of original ideas.
  • The Talmud we have today is the same Talmud Moshe studied during his 40-day seclusion on Mount Sinai.
  • People who anxiously await the coming of the rapture, and the holocaust they believe the rapture will accompany, make good political bedfellows.
  • The man who beatified the Pope who called us dogs and kidnapped our children was a friend of the Jewish people.

  • What say you?

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