Friday, July 17, 2009

What a world that must be

A guest post by TikunOlam

Ever since I read Haddasah Sabo Milner's post on Single Mothers by Choice, something has been really bugging me. What is bugging me even more, is that it didn't seem to bug anyone else. Haddasah commented, as many in the OJ community probably would, of women who are considering having a child on their own in their thirties and forties:

I also wondered, where is this woman’s emunah, faith, in G-d? Does she not trust that He will send her a husband when He decides it’s the right time? That if G-d decides she should have a child, then He will make it happen the right way?

I wonder how this way of thinking affects those who have not yet found their spouses. Do they believe that suffering through years of dating while watching as their friends get married and have children are being punished by Hashem? Are women who have miscarried or parents who have suffered the death of a child supposed to believe that they have been deemed unworthy by god of seeing this child grow up. Are infertile women really supposed to have emunah that this was Hashem's will?

It seems to me, that living within such a paradigm would be so painful, so invalidating. To have one's emunah questioned because a woman or a man is suffering with frustration or even depression because his/her dreams of having a life partner or becoming a parent have not come to fruition. To have to believe that one should be ashamed that they are suffering from lack of emunah because they are longing for something that they don't have. To then feel embarrassed to express these feeling to others for fear of being viewed as having weak emunah. And then to be told, "you have to have emunah!"

All I can say is, what a world that must be for those who are not fortunate enough to have met their life partner in their twenties. And what a world that must be for couples trying to have children who cannot. And what a world that must be for those who have suffered miscarriage or the death of a child.

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