Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Finally, a trump card reply for too pious people

It's happened to you, I'm sure. You're minding your own business, and some too pious moron saunters over and says, you know, it's an inyun to do/not to do [something.]

For instance....

You know DovBear, its an inyun

- to DIP your bread in salt, and to put the salt on the table
- to dip your bread in the salt exactly three timess
- not to make kiddish between certain hours on Friday night
- to hold your kiddush cup in the palm of your hand
- to pour some water into the wine bottle before you pour the wine into your cup
- to loop your tefillin around your arm 9 times so that you get 7 FULL loops (see, the first and last loops are half loops)
- not to bring your kid to shul until he is three years old
- not to let your kid wear a kippa until he is three years old
- to wear two coverings on your head
- not to wear blue shirts
- to eat cholent on shabbos
- to eat two meals on erev yom kippur
- to go to the mikva every Friday
- to eat a dairy meal, followed by a meat meal on shavuous
- to eat beef on yom tov
- to eat egg salad with onions on shabbos
- to eat beef at the purim sudah
- to eat fish on shabbos

and so on.

In the past, I've always just nodded my head and/or clenched my fists, but finally I have the perfect rejoinder. Next time something like this happens to you, look the guy flat in the eye and turn the tables with this answer:

It's an inyun not to tell someone a rule you know he won't follow!

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