Thursday, February 17, 2011

Is this what happens when you learn Torah all day?

An insane cadre of Yeshiva students have invested a perfectly ordinary event with supernatural meaning, and rearranged their daily lives to accommodate it. A result, no doubt of the excellent critical thinking skills acquired through their daily regimen of Torah study.

'Holy dove' drives yeshiva wild
Jerusalem yeshiva students view new classmate as 'a sign from God'
by Akiva Novick

"It's a real wonder," one of the students at the haredi Kamenitz Yeshiva says about his new classmate – a white dove. "This holy bird just listens to full lessons."

Several weeks ago, during a Torah lesson in the Jerusalem yeshiva, a white dove entered the house of study, sat on the window sill and flew out at the end of the lesson. [WOW. WHAT ARE THE ODDS]

The following days, the bird would arrive at the yeshiva and stand in the corner for the entire lesson – prompting the excited yeshiva students to view it as a sign from God. [NATURALLY.]

They created a "studying circle" around the bird and began reading Talmud verses and begging forgiveness from the soul which they believed "wandered" into the dove. Surprisingly, these actions did not help send the mysterious bird away. [PERHAPS THEY SHOULD HAVE READ THE RABBINICAL WORKS THAT SAY REINCARNATION IS NOT A JEWISH BELIEF]

Rumors about the righteous bird became the talk of the day in Jerusalem, and students watching the dove with binoculars discovered that it would visit the rooftop of the nearby Vizhnitz yeshiva as well. 

The yeshiva students tried to test the bird once again and sealed all the entrances to the yeshiva, but it "miraculously" managed to get in and attend its regular class on time. 

"A few days ago," haredi newspaper Bakehila reported, "one of the yeshiva students, who could not bear the great waste of time that could be spent on studying Torah, went over and kindly took (the bird) to his home, where he fed it."

The yeshiva student even took the dove to a slaughterer [ZOUNDS! IS THAT WHAT THESE IDIOTS DO WITH SOMETHING THEY CONSIDER THE REINCARNATION OF A GREAT SOUL??], but it turned out that the magnificent bird does not meet the rules of kashrut and the yeshiva is now contemplating what to do with it.
Yeshiva students of Israel! If you are seeking a holy dov[e] to worship and shower with expensive gifts, lets have lunch and discuss. No slaughtering, please.

By way of the holy Beadle, who does, in fact, worship the dov[e].

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

He that makes a thing too fine, breaks it.

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