Friday, January 08, 2010

You might be post proto-Orthodox if....

Over at Hirhurim, Gil is pretending his own personal sect of Judaism is true and correct in some first-cause sense, while implying that all human tampering or development is an offense against the proper order of things. He's done this by proclaiming that certain people who do or believe certain things aren't really "Orthodox", but post Orthodox.

Well two can play at that game. (Actually 3; XGH published his own list as this was post was being written.)

Though it may be true that LWO has tolerated and/or made various adjustments to Judaism that Gil's crowd dislikes, it is also true that the Gil-people tolerate and/or make/have made adjustments to Judaism that earlier Jewish sects (lets call the main one "proto-Orthodox") would have also disliked.

So with all due respect to Jeff Foxworthy, who Gil also spoofed, here's @marksofla's "You might be post proto-Orthodox if...."

1. You believe Da'as Torah is the ultimate authority for everything.
2. You believe that the latest sefer published by your Rebbe is equal in importance to Shas, SA, etc.
3. You find Rishonim on Tanach distort authentic Jewish hashkafa and halacha, and think the study of tanach is best avoided
4. You make no distinction between chumrot and halacha.
5. You demand the complete separation of men and women in all religious and social settings
6. You support your own Rebbe and his Rebbe, no one else.
7. You think Rabbis have more authority than scientists and doctors -even in their own fields.
8. You say your Rabbi is entitled to sole control of all conversions, marriages, and divorces.
9. You say whatever your Rebbe did is a legitimate and binding custom that should be done by everyone forevermore.
10. You believe that dialogue and conversation is the devil's tool and forbidden under all circumstances.
11. You think even a homosexual orientation counts as toevah.
12. You think its perfectly fine to ostracize people, deny them synagogue honors, or keep your kids away from their kids, based on clothing, hat size, and the like
13. You think kolel-only is the one true derech (except for women).

Did I leave anything off this list?


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