Friday, April 29, 2005

We need a new scandal

Slifkin is so over, so been there, done that. And no one talks about the wigs any more. Even the talking fish of New Square has been forgotten.

Extremist gedolim please help us out! We need a new scandal!

If you're an Extremist Godol and you're reading my blog, here are some suggestions:

1 - Announce that kitniyot is kosher for pesach again, as "God intended."

2 - Instead of laying the blame for everything bad that's ever happened since the dawn of creation on the doorstep of declining skirt lengths, announce that all of mankind's troubles are cuased by his expanding waist-line.

3 - Abolish the all-night shavuot learning marathon because it causes us to sleep through the first day of yom tov, obviating the point of yom tov which is chatzi lochem, v'chatzi loshem

4 - Solve the aguna crisis by abolishing marriage. Instead of wives, men will take pilagshim a perfectly good device for allowing Jewish men and women to live together and to enjoy all the privelages, thereof. Also, as the gemarah says (Sanhedrin 21a) the difference between a wife and a pilegesh is that a pilegesh is “without kiddushin and without kesubah." No kesubah, no need for a get. And if you don't need a get, you can't be an aguna. (Tell me that isn't brilliant. I dare you!)

5 - Declare Hassidut to be "a historical error." I promise not to run over to Akiva's house and bellow "I TOLD YOU SO" (Sniff. DovBear doesn't bellow.)

More ideas will be posted as they come to me...