Monday, March 21, 2005

In Deference to Gil
I won't say who wrote this, I'll just say why it is wrong.
v'hamayvin yavin, wink wink say no more.

Collected on the Internet:

"When the breeze comes in from the east, the atmosphere is perfumed with citrus blossoms, a divine fragrance that's capable of reviving any thirsty soul"

A soul is spiritual. Not physical. Therefore, it does not become thirsty, and it can not be "revived" by an odor. The author is confusing his emotions with his soul.

"If you take a walk outside of town to the Lachish River, say about an hour before dawn, you can hear a symphony that surpasses anything that Beethoven or Brahms couls [sic] ever compose."

Then why is this wonderful treat undiscovered? Why aren't music lovers flocking to the Lachish River? And why hasn't some intrepid entrepreneurs recorded the songs of the river for resale? If it surpasses not just Beethoven, but Brahms, too, surely there's a market for this sort of thing?

Then, we get bizarre:

Let me share it [the sounds of the Lachish River] with you right here.

Unfortunately, what you hear when you hit the link is "Limpkin and the Frogs" from Voices of the Swamp. To the best of my knowledge, this was recorded in America, not alongside the Lachish River. I call this bizarre, because the author, whoever he is, makes no effort to conceal that fact that what he represents as the sounds of the Lachish River, are in fact the sounds of an ordinary American swamp.

King David, the saintly Ari (the father of Kabbala), and the Baal Shem Tov (the founder of the Chassidic movement) could all understand the language of plants and animals.

1 - Why is the Ari "saintly" and not the other two? Is King David chopped liver?
2 - And here we go with another history mistake. The Ari was not "the father of kabbalah" that honor, if it must go to anyone, belongs to Moshe de Leon.
3 - Of course. Because plants speak. With their vocal cords.

Have you noticed that it's always a Hasidic master, and never a Rishon or a non-Hasidic acron who can perform these marvelous tricks? Why is that? Maybe next time I'm in Kosher Delight, I'll see if the salad bar can explain.