Dear Well-meaning Gentiles:
As much as I appreciate your warm holiday greetings, it disappoints me to be wished a "season of peace and joy" This is your season of peace and joy, not mine. Telling me that you want the Hanukkah season to bring me "peace and joy" is a bit like me wishing you a Happy New Year on Labor Day. It makes no sense. Caveat Loquens.
I also thank you for the Hanukkah-themed piece of junk you brought me. Nothing cheers my spirit like a plastic top that plays that classic song about the dreidal made from clay. Perhaps I'll reciprocate next week, by sending you a jolly elf that plays Jingle Bells when you tickle its stomach. Won't that be fun!
Unfortunately, I do not have what you called a "Hanukkah table" upon which to display your gift. Yes, you're right: It would look nice hanging from a tree. Only I do not have one. Remember?
That's all. Appreciate the thought, but not the effort.
Your buddy,
Dov Bear
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