Wednesday, January 16, 2013

A delicate question

Dear DovBear:

I have a delicate question I can't address to anyone I know. Would you be willing to post it on your blog, and crowd source some answers? Thank you. Here is the problem:

My daughter is Bes Yaakov educated and a kind, nice girl. She's not very well read and I believe she is ignorant about lots of things as most of her time is spent chatting with friends about clothing and pop culture. She is 17.

Recently she began a relationship with a boy from our neighborhood. Her school would toss her out if they knew about it, but we believe that if we banned her from seeing the boy their relationship would be driven underground.  Therefore we have given lukewarm approval.

The approach has worked. Our daughter has been very forthcoming and reliable...  always asking us permission before going to see him and obeying her curfew. We've even met him four or five times. The relationship is about four months old.

My husband and do not approve of premarital sex, but we aren't naive. We know it goes on in every circle and every community and every yeshiva no matter how right wing. We don't want our daughter to sleep with her young man, of course, but if she does we want them to take precautions  The problem is that we strongly doubt our daughter knows what those precautions are and we're rather certain she has no idea  how to acquire them.

How can I make sure she's educated and protected without making it seem like we approve of premarital sex?


-- Worried mother.

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