Bush Mourns for Fahd

Statement:

I was deeply saddened to learn today of the death of King Fahd bin Abd al-Aziz Al Saud, Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques and King of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. King Fahd was a man of wisdom and a leader who commanded respect throughout the entire world. He was a friend and strong ally of the United States for decades. As King, he had warm friendships with American Presidents. I send my condolences and those of the American people to King Abdallah, to the late King Fahd's family, and to the Saudi people on the passing of this historic figure. May God bless him.

The president added:

Over the years, the Saudi royal family has played host to the Bush family on dozens and dozens of occasions while we negotiated private and fabulously lucrative oil deals, so it really makes me sad to see him go. Naturally, my administration remains firmly committed to preserving the appearance of friendliness with the Saudi Arabiac royals. Never mind that they nurture and support the very terrorists I have pledged to destroy. They also keep the tank of my beloved 3-ton ivory white pickup perpetually topped off, and for that I honor them and sincerely feign respect for their religion.

I look forward to visiting Saudi Arabia in the near future where I hope to see one of their famous after-dinner beheadings. I hear that cutting the head off an insufficiently subservient woman is a lot like electrocuting a juvenile, which is something I always liked to do when I was governor of Texas.