Tuesday, April 09, 2013

Evil things evil shuls do for the sake of being evil

This post, like most things, is Heshey Fried's fault. Last night, I was minding my own business, trying to say tikun chazot, when he put this provocative little sentence on his Facebook page.

[W]riting my top 10 most evil things that shuls do

So of course, I had no choice but to provide like fifty dozens examples of synagouge wickedness. Here are the best ones (from the fifty dozen I provided):

Banning people without hats from the amud

Not putting the books away, so that they sit on the tables week after week after week

And then putting them away in the wrong places so no can ever find them again

Setting things up so the Friday night mikva and the shul share a front door.

Ignoring the women

Ignoring the landscaping

Putting up a tone deaf chazan on a day when halel is said


Putting up a baal koreh who's so slow he'd come in third if he was racing a pregnant woman

Calling services for an official time on the official schedule, and then waiting around for twenty minutes

Waiting until the very last possible second to figure out who is going to read e.g Eicha or Koheles.

Requiring a floor to ceiling mechitza at every kiddush

Forcing you to use the most expensive caterer on the planet in the name of "kashrus"

Running "shiurim" for women that are all fluffy nonsense and would insult the intelligence of a moderately intelligent cocker spaniel

When they enforce kashrus rules that leave you nothing to drink but Old Willamsburg and Mayim Chayim soda

The annual spring drasha about how women are sluts who are corrupting our youth by walking outside in whorish costumes which leave a little knee exposed

Combining different varieties of scotch in the same bottle for the purpose of consolidation. Everything until now was plain evil. This one is wicked evil.

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