Every gutte frumme yid knows that scientists are all evil and only out to destroy the Torah. These Evil Atheist Reshoim Scientists (E.A.R.S.) say things k'neged Daas Torah just to lead people away from frumkeit, even though anyone truly honest can see that things like evolution are patently ridiculous. Of course, they're also very sneaky, which is why all the scientists you know don't seem to be like that at all. Don't be fooled! It's a trick. Membership in E.A.R.S. requires you to pretend that you're only seeking truth and to disguise the fact that science is really all a conspiracy against Orthodox Judaism.
In truth, Evil Atheist Reshoim Scientists are dastardly folks. When you're not looking at them, they're secretly laughing at you for believing they're nice, honest, humble people. In reality, they think they know everything, they have a superior attitude, and are smug and arrogant. Even the ones that are religious Jews are only pretending that so that their "fellow" coreligionists will be led into the trap of believing in science (chas v'sholom).
I know, I know, some of you are skeptical. "Where's the evidence?," you're thinking. (See how science has infiltrated your thinking?!) Well, as a card-carrying member of E.A.R.S., I have access to the top-secret monthly meetings. At the most recent meeting I snuck a tape recorder in under my black hat and recorded the keynote speech by the president of E.A.R.S.. I took great risk to attain this information; the meeting place is so bugged that even the walls have E.A.R.S.. I offer this gift to you doubters to once and for all show you the wisdom of the gedolim in warning you to stay away from these arrogant scientists. (Also, DovBear's paying me extra for this post. You didn't think I'd have written my last post for free did you?)
So steel yourself, and when you're ready to peel back the facade and see what scientists are like when they think no one but their own are listening click here and download the mp3. Just don't say I didn't warn you.
P.S. That commotion at the end is my cover to escape. Don't be alarmed, no one was hurt; it was blanks.
