Thursday, June 23, 2005

Covered with glory: Rabbi Daniel Lapin

Mee'dvar sheker tirchak / Don't tell a lie
If you do / then you will fry

"Yesterday's Senate hearing into superlobbyist Jack Abramoff's alleged defrauding of Indian tribes had something for everyone. There... and there was Exhibit 31, an e-mail from Abramoff to a rabbi friend.

'I hate to ask you for your help with something so silly but I've been nominated for membership in the Cosmos Club, which is a very distinguished club in Washington, DC, comprised of Nobel Prize winners, etc.,' Abramoff wrote. 'Problem for me is that most prospective members have received awards and I have received none. I was wondering if you thought it possible that I could put that I have received an award from Toward Tradition with a sufficiently academic title, perhaps something like Scholar of Talmudic Studies?'

There were titters in the audience as Sen. Byron L. Dorgan (D-N.D.) read aloud the e-mail, then outright laughter as he continued reading: 'Indeed, it would be even better if it were possible that I received these in years past, if you know what I mean.'"
Wanna guess the name of Jack's "Rabbi friend?"

That's right, true believers, it was Mr. Morality himself: Rabbi Daniel Lapin!

And how do you think the good Rabbi responded to his friend's request?

Do you think the Rabbi said, "Sorry Jack, but that's dishonest, and our tradition frowns on such deceit, and besides my organization, Toward Tradition, is all about advancing society toward the core religious values that made us great, so shame on you for asking me to participate in a fraud?"

If that's actually what you think Lapin said, well, you lose, you naive twit, you.

For what the Rabbi who heads Toward Tradition, in fact, replied was this: "I just need to know what needs to be produced. Letters? Plaques?"