Israel’s President Moshe Katzav is invited to dinner at Austria's Hofberg palace so the antique silver soup tureens and sterling cutlery of Emperor Franz Josef (1830-1916) are being kashered. What surprises you more? That Israel's president keeps kosher, or that an Emperor's china is being subjected to a kashering and neither Lubovitch nor Phil Berg have anything to do with it?
Sunday, October 31, 2004
MURDOCH: WE'RE NOT BIASED WE SWEAR
Of course not, Rupert. Heaven forfend. You're "fair and balanced" just like the slogan says. But why is your paper all but suggesting that Kerry killed JFK?
Related Story
Related Story
THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMMMM
If big, bad, cowboy Bush is the terrorist's worst nightmare, why is Osama bin Ladin interfering in the election on Bush's behalf?
WHERE'S THE OUTRAGE?
Via TNR:
If it's in bad taste for John Kerry to out Dick Cheney's openly-gay daughter or for Teresa to momentarily forget Laura Bush had ever held a 'real job,' then why isn't it in bad taste for Karl Rove to talk about Bill Clinton like he's a house plant? Here's what Rove had to say about Clinton's role in the Kerry campaign, according to the 10/26 New York Times.
"In Davenport, Iowa, where President Bush was campaigning, Karl Rove, the president's chief political adviser, said of the spectacle, 'They had to roll Clinton out of the hospital room and onto the campaign trail to help Senator Kerry with his core constituencies that are so weak. "
UPDATED January 11, 2007
If it's in bad taste for John Kerry to out Dick Cheney's openly-gay daughter or for Teresa to momentarily forget Laura Bush had ever held a 'real job,' then why isn't it in bad taste for Karl Rove to talk about Bill Clinton like he's a house plant? Here's what Rove had to say about Clinton's role in the Kerry campaign, according to the 10/26 New York Times.
"In Davenport, Iowa, where President Bush was campaigning, Karl Rove, the president's chief political adviser, said of the spectacle, 'They had to roll Clinton out of the hospital room and onto the campaign trail to help Senator Kerry with his core constituencies that are so weak. "
UPDATED January 11, 2007
SO BUSH HAS AT LEAST ONE ALLY
A senior Bush-Cheney campaign official calls the new Osama tape a "little gift."
Geez. Well, I guess that's about what you should expect from the campaign that launched a direct attack on the other guy's war-medals; deployed every anti-gay slur known to man in critical races; accused those who worried about missing munitions of attacking the troops; and implied that a vote for Kerry would mean a nuke going off in a major city.
Those Bush people are all class aren't they?
UPDATED January 11, 2007
Geez. Well, I guess that's about what you should expect from the campaign that launched a direct attack on the other guy's war-medals; deployed every anti-gay slur known to man in critical races; accused those who worried about missing munitions of attacking the troops; and implied that a vote for Kerry would mean a nuke going off in a major city.
Those Bush people are all class aren't they?
UPDATED January 11, 2007
WHEN YESHIVAS ATTACK
Wow, a moronic, extra strict, Yeshiva that makes things unecessarily difficult for well-meaning people? In Brooklyn? Really?
And, how long before Burry Katz piles on?
SOURCE
And, how long before Burry Katz piles on?
SOURCE
WHEN MAKEOVERS GO BAD
A reporter at the Guardian -- who wore a cross to Hebrew school and sang "Material Girl' in lace half-gloves and rubber bracelets at her bat mitzvah - whines: Give me back my old Madonna.
Friday, October 29, 2004
SCARIEST HALLOWEEN COSTUMES
First, click here. When the vomiting subsides, ask yourself: Did Matt Lauer actually shave his legs?
Then, off to the Stranger, who has A Do-It-Yourself Guide to This Season's Quickest, Least Expensive, and Spooky-Ookiest Halloween Costumes.
My favorite: "Your child will be the hit of the neighborhood costume parade in this recreation of the Abu Ghraib prisoner-abuse scandal's most indelible image. As an added bonus this easy-to-make costume will remind everyone on your child's trick-or-treat route of our national shame! Simply roll a cone from a sheet of 24"x38" black cardstock, making sure to cut out a hole for the face. Drape with two yards of black felt, and add leftover wires from your last lamp-rewiring project. Voila! So easy, so quick, and so terrifying!"
Pictures Included!
Then, off to the Stranger, who has A Do-It-Yourself Guide to This Season's Quickest, Least Expensive, and Spooky-Ookiest Halloween Costumes.
My favorite: "Your child will be the hit of the neighborhood costume parade in this recreation of the Abu Ghraib prisoner-abuse scandal's most indelible image. As an added bonus this easy-to-make costume will remind everyone on your child's trick-or-treat route of our national shame! Simply roll a cone from a sheet of 24"x38" black cardstock, making sure to cut out a hole for the face. Drape with two yards of black felt, and add leftover wires from your last lamp-rewiring project. Voila! So easy, so quick, and so terrifying!"
Pictures Included!
BORN AT LAST! BORN AT LAST!
An unintentionaly hysterical speech from an unintentionaly hysterical person.
BUSH'S GREAT BIG BULGE
See it for yourself (and if that hot and bothered headline doesn't get a look from Luke Ford I may just give up)
I AM JOURNALISM
Mark Steyn, again, confuses himself with the whole wide world.
He says, with typical humility, that if Bush goes, he goes, because his "faith in the persuasive powers of journalism would be shattered."
Wow. Talk about raging out of control ego. What about the powers of the journalists who are supporting Kerry? Some of them (Sullivan, Hitch, Wieseltier, the Town Crier, Sarah) are rather talented in their own right. Even Miriam likes Kerry's hair.
So, if Kerry wins, maybe it says nothing about Journalism, per say. Maybe all it tells us is that Steyn sucks at what he does?
He says, with typical humility, that if Bush goes, he goes, because his "faith in the persuasive powers of journalism would be shattered."
Wow. Talk about raging out of control ego. What about the powers of the journalists who are supporting Kerry? Some of them (Sullivan, Hitch, Wieseltier, the Town Crier, Sarah) are rather talented in their own right. Even Miriam likes Kerry's hair.
So, if Kerry wins, maybe it says nothing about Journalism, per say. Maybe all it tells us is that Steyn sucks at what he does?
WHAT JEWISH PRESS REPORTERS DO IN THEIR SPARE TIME
I discovered proof that Jewish Press reporters moonlight right there on the wall of one of those upscale Hasidic food joints I like to haunt.
Sign on the wall: Make Your Order Here
Immediately beneath it: If your son/daughter needs help in his English call...
Buy DovBear a digital camera, and I'll joyfully post a photo of this, and better.
Sign on the wall: Make Your Order Here
Immediately beneath it: If your son/daughter needs help in his English call...
Buy DovBear a digital camera, and I'll joyfully post a photo of this, and better.
CHICAGO SUCKS II
In NCSY we had a little song, that went something like this:
Chicago, go , go
go away way way
Chicago, go , go
go away way way
and on and on into the night, until the Shmira Patrol arrived with the beer. Oh those halcyon years of youth.
"I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" --Richard Jeni
Chicago, go , go
go away way way
Chicago, go , go
go away way way
and on and on into the night, until the Shmira Patrol arrived with the beer. Oh those halcyon years of youth.
"I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" --Richard Jeni
CHICAGO SUCKS
Now that Boston has bounced the Babe, all suffering belongs to Chicago, or as the people who live there like to call it, The Worst City In The World. The White Sox have not won a World Series since 1917; the Cubs since '08.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
BLAME BOB (OR MAYBE JOHNNY) BUT NOT BILL
ESPN lets us know that Bill Buckner"has personified the Curse to many tortured Red Sox fans."
Yo, Red Sox Nation. The score was tied when Billy Bobbler let the ball roll through his legs. The man you want to villify, and possibly burn in effigy, if not in person, is Bob Stanley. His wild pitch allowed Kevin Mitchell to score the tying run, setting up Buck's Boner. In fact, if you want to hang the curse on someone, hang it on Johnny Pesky. If he'd gotten the ball out of his glove in time, there'd be no friggin' curse.
Yo, Red Sox Nation. The score was tied when Billy Bobbler let the ball roll through his legs. The man you want to villify, and possibly burn in effigy, if not in person, is Bob Stanley. His wild pitch allowed Kevin Mitchell to score the tying run, setting up Buck's Boner. In fact, if you want to hang the curse on someone, hang it on Johnny Pesky. If he'd gotten the ball out of his glove in time, there'd be no friggin' curse.
"UGLY AND MINDLESS"
The Star-News (you may know it as the "Voice of Southeastern North Carolina") pulled an endorsment yesterday when it discovered the local Republican Party was running an ugly and mindless campaign against a candidate for the state senate. This is notable for a two reasons.
First, let me see if I have this straight. The Republican Party, ie: the Party of God and His Wisdom as Revealed via George Bush His Servant was running an ugly and mindless ad? In public? Where church ladies and Impressionable Children could run their eyes across it? ye Gods. Ugly and Mindless? That's so, so unlike the Republicans. Satan, or perhaps his second, Karl Rove, must have gotten hold of those pure Christian souls.
Second, these ugly and mindless ads attacked the Democratic candidate on the grounds that she "seeks to be the first openly gay or lesbian State Senator in North Carolina History." Do you get that? I'll spell it out for you: They went after a woman for being a lesbian. Why, that's just like, like, John Kerry! So... are all those self-righteous defenders of Mary Cheney's dignity rushing to get on TV to speak in this woman's defense? Are they fuming? And sputtering? Three guesses.
First, let me see if I have this straight. The Republican Party, ie: the Party of God and His Wisdom as Revealed via George Bush His Servant was running an ugly and mindless ad? In public? Where church ladies and Impressionable Children could run their eyes across it? ye Gods. Ugly and Mindless? That's so, so unlike the Republicans. Satan, or perhaps his second, Karl Rove, must have gotten hold of those pure Christian souls.
Second, these ugly and mindless ads attacked the Democratic candidate on the grounds that she "seeks to be the first openly gay or lesbian State Senator in North Carolina History." Do you get that? I'll spell it out for you: They went after a woman for being a lesbian. Why, that's just like, like, John Kerry! So... are all those self-righteous defenders of Mary Cheney's dignity rushing to get on TV to speak in this woman's defense? Are they fuming? And sputtering? Three guesses.
IMBUEDED [SIC] WITH ANCIENT KABBALISTICS MEDITATIONS
The Material Girl has her towels washed in kabbalah water. Why? Read the headline! Because the Holy Red String Water is "imbueded [sic] with ancient kabbalistics meditations of course.
Does Madge shower in kabbalah water too? I’ll tell you what though that Berg is one slick snake-oil salesman.
Does Madge shower in kabbalah water too? I’ll tell you what though that Berg is one slick snake-oil salesman.
INSULTING THE JEWISH PRESS, TAKE II
Whoops. My bad. I should have remembered no self-respecting mangler of the English language would use the word OK. Not if they want to work for the Jewish Press, anyway. Which is, of course, my dream. That headline should have read, "We would like you should know that English is maybe permissible."
So sorry.
So sorry.
WE FEEL CHEATED
ChayyeiSarah with two "y"s is happy, but not that happy. We're a smidge disappointed. Isn't burying an 86 year-old curse worth at least one Yalalalalalalalaaaaaaa!!!!!
MORE HOMOSOX PICS
Additional BoSox celebration pictures that you and your friends can willfully misinterpret as homoerotic.
Collect them all!
Collect them all!
PAGING THE HADISIC MUSICIAN
Music.... Jewish.... Uzi Hitman... Chevra... Kol Isha... Shiny Shoe...
Come on, man! Am I getting close?
Come on, man! Am I getting close?
WE READ, SO YOU CAN SLEEP LATE
As a service to our 6 readers, DovBear reads those tiresome, groan-inducing Top Ten Lists that pass for humor over at bangitout.com and reprints, in this space, the one, or at best , two lines that are, in fact, funny.
The Name of the List:
Top Ten Ways You Know the Trick Or Treater who just came to your door was a Religious Jew
The Name of the List, if bangitout.com would spend their money on an editor, and not jello shots.
Top 10 Signs A Trick-or Treater is Frum
The One Funny Line Out of Ten
Instead of saying "trick or treat," holds out a laminated paper that says he needs candy for his daughters wedding.
The Name of the List:
Top Ten Ways You Know the Trick Or Treater who just came to your door was a Religious Jew
The Name of the List, if bangitout.com would spend their money on an editor, and not jello shots.
Top 10 Signs A Trick-or Treater is Frum
The One Funny Line Out of Ten
Instead of saying "trick or treat," holds out a laminated paper that says he needs candy for his daughters wedding.
SOME ICE COLD WATER
The end of the Boston Red Sox as we have known them came on a cool night at Busch Stadium...
That is Harvey Araton in the Times arguing that, having finally won a championship , the Red Sox are now... wait for it... the New York Yankees!
Here's the money quote:
Fenway will continue to be cozy and charming, but how can it be the same without its ghosts? No longer cursed, the Red Sox will be revealed as they truly are, one of the more blessed big-league franchises, with deep-flowing revenue streams and, like the Yankees, an ever-changing cast of well-heeled mercenaries.
Gawker's view is my view: We're happy about the victory because it gives us more BoSox victory pictures to be misinterpreted as something homoerotic.
That is Harvey Araton in the Times arguing that, having finally won a championship , the Red Sox are now... wait for it... the New York Yankees!
Here's the money quote:
Fenway will continue to be cozy and charming, but how can it be the same without its ghosts? No longer cursed, the Red Sox will be revealed as they truly are, one of the more blessed big-league franchises, with deep-flowing revenue streams and, like the Yankees, an ever-changing cast of well-heeled mercenaries.
Gawker's view is my view: We're happy about the victory because it gives us more BoSox victory pictures to be misinterpreted as something homoerotic.
SHHHH.... THE FUNDIES ARE CATCHING ON....
Liberals and Terrorists hate Bush because of his Christian faith
This responsible contribution to the learned debate is a service of the Advocate Messanger of Danville, KY.
This responsible contribution to the learned debate is a service of the Advocate Messanger of Danville, KY.
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
GLOBO CHEM SYNERGY
This should terrify you:
[Beth Cohen] is the associate director of the Global Philanthropists Circle, part of the Synergos Institute, a nonprofit organization in New York that promotes international philanthropy. --- New York Times, Wedding Announcements
Whoever chose the name for this philanthropic organization should be executed. The webpage says their official name is "Synergos Global Philanthropy."
Synergos Global Philanthropy. Do those words make you think "emergency mission to Somalia" or "shadowy syndicate of powerful and ruthless oligarchs, conspiring to create a New World Order under the cloak of a benign philanthropic group?"
[Beth Cohen] is the associate director of the Global Philanthropists Circle, part of the Synergos Institute, a nonprofit organization in New York that promotes international philanthropy. --- New York Times, Wedding Announcements
Whoever chose the name for this philanthropic organization should be executed. The webpage says their official name is "Synergos Global Philanthropy."
Synergos Global Philanthropy. Do those words make you think "emergency mission to Somalia" or "shadowy syndicate of powerful and ruthless oligarchs, conspiring to create a New World Order under the cloak of a benign philanthropic group?"
WE WANT YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT ENGLISH IS OK
The Jewish Press rules that it is ok to conduct Torah discussions in English. That's great, and we eagerly look forward to torah discussions, in English, on the pages of the Jewish Press. For now, the Press continues to publish in their own unique, but bizarre, hybrid of yiddish, hebrew and English. For evidence look no further than the psak halacha itself I counted at least 15 errors of grammar, usage or standard style. Can you find them all?
PISSED AT PROTOCOLS
Hey Luke! We had the Rabbi Elyoshuv endorsement here first. And our commentary was better. And our jokes were funnier. And our hair is naturally curly. Plus our butt doesn't stick out. Hardly. Anymore. So why'd Pointy-head Pinchas get the shout?
PORTRAITS FROM THE PRESIDENT'S HOUSE
Ok, folks MANAGEMENT 101: Isn't it usually considered, I don't know, POLITE to refer to the people who work for you by their first names? So why are the president's servants, as depicted in this photo essay all called "doorman" or "houseboy?" A little rude. A little cold. Not at all compassionate.
And, so long as we're on the subject, why is the plumber pictured in knee-deep water?
And, so long as we're on the subject, why is the plumber pictured in knee-deep water?
A CORRECTION TO CHERISH
It's a sign of the times, I suppose....
"A headline last Sunday about a wedding the previous evening misspelled the given name of the bride who was married to Jeffrey Alan Trogolo. She was Julia Saidenberg, not Julian."
New York Times, October 24, 2004
"A headline last Sunday about a wedding the previous evening misspelled the given name of the bride who was married to Jeffrey Alan Trogolo. She was Julia Saidenberg, not Julian."
New York Times, October 24, 2004
TODAY'S KABBALAH NEWS
Ashton Kutcher has reportedly demanded time off from his sitcom That '70s Show to mark Kabbalah holy days.
Kabbalah holy days? And, asks the nasty part of DovBear's brain, "Was it anything like this back in the old country when all those great, celebrity Rabbis tripped over their frock coats running after a little something that the locals call Hasidism?"
Kabbalah holy days? And, asks the nasty part of DovBear's brain, "Was it anything like this back in the old country when all those great, celebrity Rabbis tripped over their frock coats running after a little something that the locals call Hasidism?"
DRIPPING GLOBS OF KERRY
A woman wears a campaign shirt and buttons written in Hebrew supporting Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry
Keri? All over a woman's shirt? If you speak Aramaic - and who doesn't - that is so, so sick.
Keri? All over a woman's shirt? If you speak Aramaic - and who doesn't - that is so, so sick.
OOPS
"Start with [California's] individual income tax, which has six brackets and is steeply progressive. Its top marginal rate of 9.3% is among the nation's highest but, worse, it kicks in at just $38,000 of income. This means that the likes of nurses and janitors already pay to the state a dime of every $1 in higher salary they receive."--The Wall Street Journal editorial page, October 2.
Question: If the top rate starts at $38,000, forcing janitors to pay the same marginal rate as millionaires, then how can the tax system be considered "steeply progressive"?
UPDATED January 11, 2007
Question: If the top rate starts at $38,000, forcing janitors to pay the same marginal rate as millionaires, then how can the tax system be considered "steeply progressive"?
UPDATED January 11, 2007
HITCH IS FOR KERRY, TOO
I am assuming for now that this is a single-issue election. There is one's subjective vote, one's objective vote. Subjectively, Bush (and Blair) deserve to be re-elected because they called the enemy by its right name and were determined to confront it. Objectively, Bush deserves to be sacked for his flabbergasting failure to prepare for such an essential confrontation. Subjectively, Kerry should be put in the pillory for his inability to hold up on principle under any kind of pressure. Objectively, his election would compel mainstream and liberal Democrats to get real about Iraq.
I do think that Bush deserves praise for his implacability, and that Kerry should get his worst private nightmare and have to report for duty.
Counting Sullivan, this makes two pro-War, pro-Bush, Brits who have switched sides.
COULD IT HAVE GONE LIKE THIS?
We have no evidence, but that hasn't stoped us yet.
(setting: The Bush campaign war room.)
KAREN HUGHES: I don't think we can run the wolf-pack ad.
KARL ROVE: Why in the hell not?
HUGHES: Well, the president is on record saying, "Anyone who thinks we are fighting a metaphor does not understand the enemy we face"
ROVE: And?
HUGHES: Well, aren't those wolves sort of a metaphor?
ROVE: Don't worry about it. Most Americans understand that the president is a moron.
(setting: The Bush campaign war room.)
KAREN HUGHES: I don't think we can run the wolf-pack ad.
KARL ROVE: Why in the hell not?
HUGHES: Well, the president is on record saying, "Anyone who thinks we are fighting a metaphor does not understand the enemy we face"
ROVE: And?
HUGHES: Well, aren't those wolves sort of a metaphor?
ROVE: Don't worry about it. Most Americans understand that the president is a moron.
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
OH, YOUR SLOGAN SAYS YOU’RE "FAIR AND BALANCED?"
Stop the presses. Showing a rare gift for talking out of both sides of his mouth Rupert Murdoch, the Australian media baron, said: "With our newspapers, we have indeed supported Bush's foreign policy and we remain that way." and then, in the self-same article, added "We're not in the least bit biased."
What gives Rupe? Does biased have a different meaning Down Under?
WOLVES PROTEST "WE'RE NOT TERRORISTS"
The time has come to set the record straight:
See more at: Wolf Packs for Truth
George W. Bush incorrectly labelled my wolfpack as a terrorist threat. We are NOT terrorists. We do not associate with terrorists (unless you count that pesky wolverine) and FRANKLY, we don't even like terrorists!
See more at: Wolf Packs for Truth
METS WILL HIRE WILLIE RANDOLPH
And why am I so sure? Well, let's add up the arguments: The guy gets interveiwed for a managerial job or three every year. Every year he gets turned down. At least 12 major league teams have said, in effect, "We don't think you have what it takes to be major league manager, Willie." The icing on the cake is the Mets themselves rejected Willie in 2003. Given the Mets recent string of bonehead (cough, cough, Kasmir) adminstrative moves, isn't it clear?
Willie's going to Flushing. You saw it here first.
Willie's going to Flushing. You saw it here first.
I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR TRAFFIC
If I use the words "music" and "Jewish" in the same sentance will the Hassidic Musician throw me a shout? Because that seems to be about all it takes.
LOVE, MONEY, A SOUL MATE AND THE ABILITY TO SEE INTO THE FUTURE
These are some of the gifts promised by Eitan Yardeni to participants at a kabbalah course attended by celebrities and one disgruntled reporter for the New York Post.
"At the end of the three weeks, I had whipped through more than $600 and I definitely couldn't see into the future," complained Marienne Garvey.
But all was not lost. She writes: "I did see Lucy Liu, and her buddy, Soleil Moon Frye"
Adds Yankof from Jack's Shack: "Any time you can see Punky Brewster you have had a good day."
We agree.
"At the end of the three weeks, I had whipped through more than $600 and I definitely couldn't see into the future," complained Marienne Garvey.
But all was not lost. She writes: "I did see Lucy Liu, and her buddy, Soleil Moon Frye"
Adds Yankof from Jack's Shack: "Any time you can see Punky Brewster you have had a good day."
We agree.
700 MORE VOTES FOR BUSH
"Apparently George Bush loves Israel and thus we need to vote for him"
So spaketh Rabbi Shalom Yosef Elyashiv, and the Jerusalem Post can hardly contain its glee: "The rabbi's decision will influence the vote of at least 10,000 American Jews currently residing in Israel, at least 700 of whom are from the battleground state of Florida,"
Oh me oh my. 700 ex-pats, of which perhaps 12 will remember to file their absentee ballot? That's the big news? The Rabbi of one of those big Conservative synagouges in Talahassee will have a greater impact on the election.
Questions for your local orthodox rabbi. (clip and save!)
- - - - - - - -
Apparently? Suggests the good Rabbi is unsure... so why the firm decree in W's favor? Is he hedging?
loves Israel? Is that the criteria? The sole criteria? Anyone who loves Israel gets the Rabbi's support? And, along with it, the Jewish vote? Anyone? Does this mean the famously luke-warm-on-Israel-black-hatters of Brooklyn are out of favor? And how does the Rabbi - or anyone - know which of the candidates "loves" Israel more? One could easily argue that Kerry loves Israel more. What must Kerry do to prove his affection to the Rabbi's satisfaction? Would an "I (heart) Israel" T-shirt suffice?
thus we? Is the Rabbi an American citizen? In other words, what you mean "we" pale face?
Does the Rabbi watch CNN? Does he subscribe to any political magazines? Does he read the newspaper? Is he at all up-to date on current events? If the answer is "no," as I suspect, why is his opinion worth anything at all? Unless you're going to suggest that the Rabbi has the gift of prophesy, what gives his endorsment any extra validity?
Is this the same Rabbi S.Y Elyashiv who brought us wig-gate? And didn't we discover, after the bonfires had been extinguished, that the Rabbi's wig ruling was based on a set of facts that he had been presented by outsiders, a set of facts that were not true --- but only in the sense that these outsiders lied to the Rabbi. How do we know it hasn't happened again? How can we be sure that when this endorsement isn't based on the same sort of agenda-driven misinformation?
So spaketh Rabbi Shalom Yosef Elyashiv, and the Jerusalem Post can hardly contain its glee: "The rabbi's decision will influence the vote of at least 10,000 American Jews currently residing in Israel, at least 700 of whom are from the battleground state of Florida,"
Oh me oh my. 700 ex-pats, of which perhaps 12 will remember to file their absentee ballot? That's the big news? The Rabbi of one of those big Conservative synagouges in Talahassee will have a greater impact on the election.
Questions for your local orthodox rabbi. (clip and save!)
- - - - - - - -
HOW INCONVENIENT
http://www.jewsformorality.org/crc.htm
Bad news for the Jews for Morality (is that like Earthlings for Oxygen? Fish for Water?) Bush is, as of today, on the record supporting civil unions. Now what? Will the J4M turn to Nadar?
Bad news for the Jews for Morality (is that like Earthlings for Oxygen? Fish for Water?) Bush is, as of today, on the record supporting civil unions. Now what? Will the J4M turn to Nadar?
THE MISNAGDIM WERE RIGHT
They argued 300 years ago that teaching Kabbalah to the masses was a recipe for disaster. Were they wrong? Before you decide, meet Joseph Gelberman a Rabbi who combines yoga with Hebrew mantras
AT LEAST THEY DIDN'T SAY JEWISH.
"Pop superstar Madonna has only been truly happy since she joined the Kabbalah religion eight years ago". --- Ireland Online, 10/26/04
The kabbalah religion? So she's moved on from Judaism? Excellent.
And it get's better, as the article continues, the Material Girl notes, in an unintentional show of honesty: "I went to a class and there was a man who looked like a rabbi and what he was saying was amazing."
Says Esther: "In the right light, and the right suit Peter Jackson looks like a Rabbi."
Yes, exactly.
The kabbalah religion? So she's moved on from Judaism? Excellent.
And it get's better, as the article continues, the Material Girl notes, in an unintentional show of honesty: "I went to a class and there was a man who looked like a rabbi and what he was saying was amazing."
Says Esther: "In the right light, and the right suit Peter Jackson looks like a Rabbi."
Yes, exactly.
GROVER TO GREATEST GENERATION: DROP DEAD!
"Each year, two million people who fought in the Second World War and lived through the Great Depression die. This generation has been an exception in American history, because it has defended anti-American policies. They voted for the creation of the welfare state and obligatory military service. They are the base of the Democratic Party. And they are dying." --Grover Norquist, the archconservative president of Americans for Tax Reform, quoted in the Spanish newspaper El Mundo on September 12
HOW ARE THE J-BLOGGERS VOTING?
And DovBear? Well, this Dave Barry riff sums up Your Favorite Blogger's (TM) opinion of the sacred process:
... political TV ad present the issues with a degree of honesty, nuance and sophistication rarely seen outside of Veg-O-Matic commercials:
(On the screen, we see the CANDIDATE. Next to his face is the word ''LEADERSHIP.'') ANNOUNCER: Leadership. It isn't just a word. It's a word that tested really well in our focus groups. And it's a word we want you to think about when you think about the Candidate. Also, ``low-carb.''
(Now we see the candidate's OPPONENT, in an unflattering photograph that makes him look like THE WORLD'S LARGEST GLOB OF EARWAX.)
ANNOUNCER: The Opponent favors policies that could cause the Earth to rotate in the opposite direction, causing all life on the planet to hurtle into space and die. Is that really what Americans want?
(Now we see the CANDIDATE standing in an attractive outdoor setting with his WIFE AND CHILDREN.)
CANDIDATE: I want to lead America in the right direction. That's why I'm standing with my family on this lawn. And that's why I approve of this message.
He's not even that far from the truth.
Monday, October 25, 2004
MODESTY, KABBALAH STYLE
Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher will lend their support to the Kabbalah Center by posing naked.
Words fail.
Words fail.
COMPASSION, STATE DEPARTMENT STYLE
QUESTION: Did you hear that Castro fell?
MR. BOUCHER: We heard that Castro fell. There are, I think, various reports that he broke a leg, an arm, a foot, and other things, and I'd guess you'd have to check with the Cubans to find out what's broken about Mr. Castro. We, obviously, have expressed our views about what's broken in Cuba.
QUESTION: Do you wish him a speedy recovery?
MR. BOUCHER: No.
The Full Story
MR. BOUCHER: We heard that Castro fell. There are, I think, various reports that he broke a leg, an arm, a foot, and other things, and I'd guess you'd have to check with the Cubans to find out what's broken about Mr. Castro. We, obviously, have expressed our views about what's broken in Cuba.
QUESTION: Do you wish him a speedy recovery?
MR. BOUCHER: No.
The Full Story
WE PLEAD NO CONTEST
Kerry slams Bush over the missing munitions saying: "This is one of the great blunders of Iraq, one of the greatest blunders of this administration and the incredible incompetence of this President and this administration has put our troops at risk and this country at greater risk."
How do the president's toadies respond? "John Kerry has no vision for fighting and winning the War on Terror, so he is basing his attacks on the headlines he wakes up to each day"
So, in other words, Kerry's charge, on the merits, is true?
Reb Yudel calls foul! "It unsporting for Kerry to attack Bush on information unavailable to a president who has forsworn reading newspapers!"
How do the president's toadies respond? "John Kerry has no vision for fighting and winning the War on Terror, so he is basing his attacks on the headlines he wakes up to each day"
So, in other words, Kerry's charge, on the merits, is true?
Reb Yudel calls foul! "It unsporting for Kerry to attack Bush on information unavailable to a president who has forsworn reading newspapers!"
A HORA FOR THE TORA
Despite what the New York Daily News might have you believe, a hora is a round dance, not a street march. The headline writer, I suppose, just couldn't resist the cheap and easy rhyme. Which is why he's working for a tabloid, and not a real paper.
THE MUSIC OF MO
The minions of MOChassid have been arguing the essential question of our age: Is music tefilla?
Rav Abadi answers: We are not familiar with this.
Rav Abadi answers: We are not familiar with this.
IS THERE A CONSERVATIVE IN THIS ELECTION?
If so, who?
"Yes, Kerry is liberal. But what's to fear from a liberal president? That he would run big deficits? That he would increase federal spending? That he would expand the power of the federal government over individuals' lives? Nothing Kerry could do could top what President Bush has already done in those realms."
Who said this? The very conservative DesMoines Register.
"Yes, Kerry is liberal. But what's to fear from a liberal president? That he would run big deficits? That he would increase federal spending? That he would expand the power of the federal government over individuals' lives? Nothing Kerry could do could top what President Bush has already done in those realms."
Who said this? The very conservative DesMoines Register.
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Aich omrim "thong" b'ivrit?
From TMQ, the football blog belonging to policy wonk Greg Easterbrook:
DovBear wonders: Where did a Far Rockaway boy learn how to say thong in Hebrew?
Ari Fischbein of Far Rockaway, N.Y., says the TMQ signature phrase "for thong-based reasons" would be l'sibot tachtonim retzuot in Hebrew. Rechavia Berman of Tel Aviv, editor of a Hebrew-language, renders it as MeSibot Tluyot Xutini, reporting that the "Xutini" part is a Hebrew pun, which we'll have to
take his word for.
DovBear wonders: Where did a Far Rockaway boy learn how to say thong in Hebrew?
Tzu Vemen, Tzu Vemen!
... among the baynonim.
... among the renegades.
Wouldn't it be a hoot if they belonged to the same shul?
... among the renegades.
Wouldn't it be a hoot if they belonged to the same shul?
Yes, but how did he wipe?
Martin Luther left a candid catalogue of his endless battle with constipation; no doubt he though deeply about the Church and his reformation while in the midst of squatting. Now archeologists have found his toilet.
Hey! There's no crying in baseball.
Ok, here's the money quote, but trust DovBear. It is one of hundreds just like it:
Quote: Win it for Johnny Pesky, who deserves to wear a Red Sox uniform in the dugout during the 2004 World Series. Mr. Henry, the trophy needs to be presented first of all to him.
Sure, if you want me to be reduced to a quivering heap of emotional goo, go right ahead.You're a beautiful man, Jack. Someone hand these Bosox fans a tissue.
The end of Aidel Maidel?
She's posted just three time since September 29, and in her last message told us to "go leave me alone." Shall we ready the fork? Is Aidel done?
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