WHY I AM HAPPY ABOUT THE ELECTION RESULTS: The new Bush presidency is rain on the parade of Fat Al Sharpton and Jessie Jackson. Part of me wanted Bush to win just so those two goons would be upset. It cheers me greatly to think of them, and their fat mournful faces this afternoon. More good news: I hear Ben Afflack might actually keep his word for a change and leave the country now that his nemesis has been re-elected.

It's a simple case of shaudenfreud. The anti-American left is unhappy, so I am not. Oh, imagine the brutal hangovers that must be afflicting those poor precious souls this morning. The thought of their acute, bitter disapointment is a welcome tonic for my own bad mood. Also, imagining the despondency of Barbara Streisand, or a suicidal Michael Moore melting down in front of their TVs as Bush grins his idiotic grin, is an exquisite--if completely indefensible--pleasure.

See? Every cloud has its silver lining.