The Glory of the Lord

We hate to do this, but there's something we need to show you: An image of George W. Bush created from dozens of individual portraits of Jesus Christ pieced together. Why would we subject you to something that might actually make your eyes bleed? Because we can.

Red Meat for Simple Minds

Senator Robert Byrd said the "N" word [Nazi] during a senate debate yesterday, and the usual gang of simple minded idiots got up on their hind legs and fought to make their braying heard:

** Sen. Rick Santorum(!) of Pennsylvania, the Senate's No. 3 Republican, and an utter embaressment besides, called for Byrd to retract his comments, saying they "lessen the credibility of the senator and the decorum of the Senate

** Ken Mehlman, chairman of the Republican National Committee, called the remarks "poisonous rhetoric" that are "reprehensible and beyond the pale."

Strong words. So what exactly did Senator Byrd say to cause those nice, straight, gentile noses to get bent all out of shape?

"We, unlike Nazi Germany or Mussolini's Italy, have never stopped being a nation of laws, not of men," Byrd said. "But witness how men with motives and a majority can manipulate law to cruel and unjust ends."

Byrd then quoted historian Alan Bullock, saying Hitler "turned the law inside out and made illegality legal."

Byrd added, "That is what [the GOP's plan to end fillibusters] seeks to do."

Now, try not to get me wrong: I'm in agreement with the fellow, who said that, in an argument, the first person to mention Hitler loses. I see what Byrd was trying to say, but he said it badly.

Still I find myself asking: Does the GOP have the moral credibility to dispute with Byrd on this point?

The answer is no.

As sideshow put it: The GOP is a party that is so racist it thinks Condoleezza Rice's incompetence can be defended solely on the grounds that "she's black." It's the party that is so morally empty that it thinks opposing a torture apologist for the post of Attroney General is evidence of racism. It's the party the regularly demonizes gays for political gain.

And as you well remember, they sat with stonelike silence back when Dick Cheney and his potty mouth lessened the "decorum of the Senate."

Meanwhile Byrd is a southern Senator who stayed with the Democrats back in the sixties when all the real southern rasicists bolted to the GOP, in protest of the Civil Rights Act. The GOP is home to David Duke and Pat Buchanan for a reason after all.

So, though I'm not happy with Byrd's remarks, I wish someone from my side of the aisle had taken him aside and told him to tone it down. And I wish someone from the other side of the aisle would call Chutzpah! on the posturing GOP phonies who are making all the hypocritical noises right now.

PS: I think it's great the the GOP is deploying arguments based on identity politics, especially now that the liberals, having realized that they don't work, have largely given up the strategy. (With the help of God, this constant playing of the race card will hurt the GOP just as it hurt the Dems.)

I also think the desparate tone and the ad hominen reasoning used by the deeply offended whiny Republicans tells us Byrd was right, even if he said it wrong.

Related: NTodd

Which Doesn't Belong and Why

Ok, true believers, time for another round of our Bernie McGurk's favorite game:

Which doesn't belong and why?!

a) The blogger called Godol Hador
b) Al Leiter
c) Natalie Portman

Did you guess the (a) Godol Hador, because, unlike the other two, he has no money? Sorry! That is wrong.

Did you guess (b) Al Leiter, because, unlike the other two, Al Leiter is an XY who can throw a baseball with authority? Sorry! Wrong again!

Did you guess (c) Natalie Portman, because, unlike the other two, Natalie Portman is easy on the eyes? Sorry! Strike Three!

The correct answer is (b) Al Leiter.

Though all three were driven out of town, so to speak, by loud-mouthed, opinionated bozos, Natalie (who fled from the Kotel) and GH (who euthanized the Koton and dumbed down his own blog) were beaten into submission by Jews.

Al Leiter says it was WFAN's Mike Francesa and Chris Russo who "had a lot to do with running him out of town."

Mike and Chris are loud-mouthed, opinionated bozos but they are not Jews. Still, I bet even they could drive GH out of town. To paraphrase something Dave Barry said about Neville Chamberlain, "You could put the Godol Hador's head in the toilet and he'd still give you Poland."

PS: FWIW he started

My Pope Post

Fear not, it is coming. It's coming (my last comment on the thread will provide a hint of what to expect.)

Meantime, for those who are not snoring, a small game:

Imagine you are an 18th century Pope, or in at least one notorious case, an early 19th century pope. Which doesn't belong and why?

Ghettos, with gates that lock at night.

Yellow hats

Naked Jews forced to debase themselves in foot races and other humiliations to honor Carnivale

Jewish children, stolen from their homes in the dead of night

An official Vatican newspaper that frequently published "scientific proof" of the Jewish "need" to eat blood at Passover.

The answer will be posted tomorrow night.

Heartbreaking!

Yes, heartbreaking is the word "An Open-minded Mother of Boys and Girls" used to describe a certain siyum in her letter to the Yated, a letter the editors most likely made up themselves.

But it wasn't the Siyum HaShas, she/they were decrying. It was the Siyum HaBas. Read on.

Anything boys can do, I can do better!

[Feigning interest, just like the men]

*note the knitting needles

And then, he asked for my phone number!

"Every encounter I've had with Orthodox men [over daf yomi] has been very positive," says [Dr. Deena] Zimmerman, [a non-herdi woman]. "I remember sitting next to a haredi man on the plane who saw me learning daf yomi. We ended up having an in-depth discussion about the Gemara."

Source

We Assume He Means Laundry
Or cooking.

Asked whether he thinks women should be learning daf yomi, [Rabbi Mordecai Kornfeld, head of the Daf Yomi Advancement Center] replies, "In our circles, we believe women have better ways of expressing their spirituality."

Source

Funny, but a little too close to home.

Siyum HaShas Dispatch
Our intrepid correspondent writes from the Jersey Meadowlands:

The mincha minyan was huge and inspirational. All of us davened together in one loud and powerful voice. It was unreal.

Ever, the trouble-maker, I asked:

What nusach?

His reply:

Sefard

So I guess that makes it official: the 1000+ year-old nusach of our European ancestors has been completely superseded. Yay! Another victory for change and progress.

But because my heart is large, I worry about my co-religionists. I asked:

I wonder if the backwards people in attendance who aren't "with it" and still daven ashkenaz thought it was "huge and inspirational" to have their nusach ignored?

He answered:

Don't be silly DovBear: How many people who daven ashkenaz learn Daf Yomi!

He was joking. I think.

But still great news about that old, outdated, nusach finally being put down, right?

Alleged?
Um.. don't you mean "documented?"

Report:

NEW YORK At least three of the approximately 300 "Boondocks" clients dropped today's strip mentioning President Bush's alleged former drug use.

Aaron McGruder's comic showed one character saying: "Bush got recorded admitting that he smoked weed." Another character replies: "Maybe he smoked it to take the edge off the coke."

The recording in question of course is the tape made by Doug Weade who recorded Bush saying,"I wouldn't answer the marijuana questions. You know why? Because I don't want some little kid doing what I tried."

So what's this "alleged" business? And, also, do the papers who dropped the comic understand that the press in the country is supposed to be liberal? Who do they think they are protecting the president like that?

One of the super-certain-GOP-Jews from my shul should send those guys a strongly-worded memo.

A joke, we hope:

Justice miscarried

I'm as pro-life as the next fellow, but I just don't think the proposed Human Life Amendment to the constitution goes far enough to protect us all against the 'evil' of abortion declaring the unborn fetus to be a full person from the moment of conception.

As long as any woman's body has the ability to abort naturally by way of miscarriage, natural abortions will continue to happen every day. The proposed amendment should require every woman who had a miscarriage to answer for the loss of that life in an investigation, be questioned and, if necessary, held liable for the death of that fetus. Perhaps even prosecuted if it can be proven she endangered that cute little baby-to-be by, for example, taking a drink at a party the evening before.

In drafting this proposed legislation, Congress must be aware that any mother-to-be must now have the obligation to produce a live, healthy infant or be legally answerable to a court of inquisitors.

Abortions, voluntary or involuntary, should no longer be an indiscriminate right. And some thought should be given to unnecessary daily and nightly waste of untold numbers of sperm and eggs, each one of which is a potential half-baby. Our research scientists, given enough funding, may be able to find a way to preserve these and combine them as heaven intended.
S. Kershaw
Rosendale,

[VIA]

Is this a private party?
Or can anyone play?

Newsday reports that the Vatican is celebrating the Pope's suffering.

As John Paul was rushed to the hospital for the second time in three weeks with breathing problems Thursday, the Vatican newspaper suggested he was sharing in Christ's suffering and said "the bed of pain" has become "the cathedral of life."

Vatican Cardinal Renato Martino called it "a real example of how to accept human suffering."

Not fair.

When I tell people the Pope's torment is worthy of celebration, they shoot ugly looks my way and mutter that all I really want is to mix his blood into matzahs.

In other news, the people with whom I go to shul are saying that I sound really pretentious when I use phrases like "the people with whom I go to shul." Also, they think Karol Wojtyla was "good for the Jews."

No, no, no - a thousand times no.

If you promise not to start snoring I'll tell you all about it.

In Praise of Men

As I write this, thousands of men are gathered to celebrate the completion of the 11th cycle of the Daf HaYomi.

I'm in awe.

Previous generations of men needed to dream up elaborate excuses like hunting to escape their domestic obligations. But hunting is work, and sort of athletic, so this missed the point. The guys concluding the Daf HaYomi today are on to a much better scam: They get out of the house, too, but all they have to do is sit at a table and feign interest.

Meanwhile their wives are at home, doing laundry, many of them filled with pride that their husbands are sitting at a table somewhere, and feigning interest.

For the men, it's quite a good deal, but not quite as good as it could be. I mean, there's still the inconvenience of feigning interest. Here's my solution.

When I have some money, I am going to open a bar, which I will call "Learn." This way, my friends and neighbors can, with complete honesty, say to their wives: "Sorry honey, can't help with the laundry, tonight. I'm going to Learn."

And, because our wives all have the benefit of a Bays Yackov brainwashing education, they will not object. In fact, they will be proud. Boastful, even. "My husband goes to Learn," they will say, as their fingers grow numb from folding. "It is a privilege to do his laundry."

In other words, the joke will be on them. Again.

The only possible hitch is if the wives read this blog. Conveniently, blog-reading is an activity discouraged by Bays Yaakov educators, and also the wives still have all that folding to do, so, I think we're safe, meaning we men will be free to sit and enjoy each others company without some Daf Yomi instructor droning in the background.

From My Mailbag

Dear Dov:

Can you help me? After reading Rabbi Feldman's piece, I know I saw a hilarious spoof on it, but I can't find it again? Did you see it?

There were a few. I think you might mean the one on Neville Chamberlain's blog. Unfortunately, he's recently gotten religion, and taken it down. You're encouraged to send him letters of rebuke and chastisement.

Oh, and tell him DovBear says "hey."

PS: FWIW, my own angry reaction is here.

Bored with Berayshis?

Achar, our favorite on-line apostate, has tired of Slifkin and the creation story and moved on to the mabul(flood.)

I think this is because Achar finally understands Slifkin's thesis: the Rabbinic Judaism of our fathers (pace the paranoid pretenders in 21st century Meah Sheorim and B'nai Brak) isn't as hostile to the idea of an old universe as first imagined. Well done, Achar! You win a DovBear Star of Acheivment. This entitles you to a gift certificate from Yashar Books, and a round-trip ticket to Yeshiva University in Washington Heights where you can mingle with other flexible, open-minded Orthodox Jews. Congratulations!

***

Achar's flood discussion recalls a presentation I once heard from a very charasmatic preacher and teacher of starry-eyed seminary girls whose name must remain Rabbi David Orlofsky.

My memories are weak, but I seem to remember Rabbi Orlofsky being asked "How can you say the age of the universe is 5000 odd years in the face of evidence such as radiometric dating?"

Rabbi Orlofsky can make you laugh by reciting the Pledge of Alleigance, so his reply was probably funnier, but it sounded something like this: "Carbon dating only seems to indicate an old Earth because Noah's Flood changed the radioisotope concentrations on the young Earth. As a result, the readings we get are distorted."

Actually, when you think about it, that is pretty funny.

Anyway, at the time I was both young enough and arrogant enough to scream "Facts not in evidence!" As I was being dragged from the room (I said I was young) I tried to explain that you can't prove that the Torah is true, using information that appears nowhere but in the Torah itself. I was ignored. Later, I wrote a letter asking Rabbi Orlofsky to explain moonrocks and meteorites, objects that yield radiometric dates of around 4.5 billion years, which is approximately the age of the earth posited by standard geology, and Yitzchak of Acco. Did the flood waters cover the entire universe? If not, why are space rocks distorted in the same way that terrestrial rocks are distorted?

Rabbi Orlofsky never answered, or perhaps I discovered girls and neglected to send the letter. As I said, my memories are weak.

***

Achar's article decries "genre mistakes" but he makes one of his own. No one says the flood story is a fundamental of faith. You can reject it without being a heretic. In fact, license for rejecting the literal interpretation of the flood story was given to us over 1000 years ago by Saadya Gaon, who said [Emunot v'Deyot 7:2]:

There are four conditions under which the Torah is not to be taken according to its literal meaning (1) When the plain meaning is rejected by common experience, or your senses; (2) When it is repudiated by obvious logic; (3) When it is contradicted by scripture; or (4) When it is opposed by tradition.

I'll never understand why acrobatics like those performed by David Orlofsky are preferable to Rav Saadya's old and wise counsel. Their silly games do nothing but discourage Jews like me, and provide Jews like Achar with additional ammunition.

From the Letter Column
The Time's Sunday Book Review's letter column, I mean

Two of Wendy Shalit's victims (and one supporter, plus Alana Newhouse from the Forward) respond. Some excerpts:

TOVA MIRVIS: ...apparently the only true experience of Orthodoxy is [Shalit's] own — and any portrayal that doesn't confirm her newfound personal fulfillment is inauthentic... The true sin seems to be portraying Orthodox Jews with any human failings, with having moments when they do not conform to the dictates of Jewish law. Shalit is not an observant reader but an ideological one. She's looking for public relations documents...

JONATHAN ROSEN: Shalit's attack... put me in mind of Oscar Wilde's observation that the 19th-century dislike of realism is the rage of Caliban seeing his own face in a glass. Wilde added that the 19th-century dislike of romanticism is the rage of Caliban not seeing his own face in a glass. Shalit's dislike seems to be for imaginative fiction itself...

BINYAMIN L. JOLKOVSKY: ...stories can be 100 percent accurate but ultimately misleading. When stereotypes are reinforced enough times without there ever being a more complete picture, there is distorted perception.

ALANA NEWHOUSE: The implicit directive in Wendy Shalit's essay is that... readers should lower their artistic standards in favor of a more palatable ''message.'' That should disquiet all who ascribe even the faintest value to art... Shalit, who came to Orthodoxy later in life... may be envious of those of us who had it all along; she seems unable to fathom how anyone could take for granted what she labored so hard to acquire. Then, on top of ''abandoning'' it, these writers went and criticized it, which must feel like just too much ingratitude for Shalit to tolerate.

[Related: Bloghd , Kvetch, Yudel, Biur, DovBear, Sarah, and many more, including Marvin Shick, who arrives late to the game, and brings a view that miss the point by ten miles or more.]