AT LEAST THEY DIDN'T SAY JEWISH.

"Pop superstar Madonna has only been truly happy since she joined the Kabbalah religion eight years ago". --- Ireland Online, 10/26/04

The kabbalah religion? So she's moved on from Judaism? Excellent.

And it get's better, as the article continues, the Material Girl notes, in an unintentional show of honesty: "I went to a class and there was a man who looked like a rabbi and what he was saying was amazing."

Says Esther: "In the right light, and the right suit Peter Jackson looks like a Rabbi."

Yes, exactly.

GROVER TO GREATEST GENERATION: DROP DEAD!

"Each year, two million people who fought in the Second World War and lived through the Great Depression die. This generation has been an exception in American history, because it has defended anti-American policies. They voted for the creation of the welfare state and obligatory military service. They are the base of the Democratic Party. And they are dying." --Grover Norquist, the archconservative president of Americans for Tax Reform, quoted in the Spanish newspaper El Mundo on September 12

HOW ARE THE J-BLOGGERS VOTING?

ChayyeiSarah is a Kerry girl. She's made that clear. Who says urban North-Eastern woman aren't predictable?

Velvel is voting for Bush, but only because Atilla the Hun isn't on the ballot in Illinois. Anyway, his wife seems like a Kerry girl, too, so the Goldberg family cancels itself out.

Hamlet, I mean baynonim, still can't decide. The smart money says he sleeps through election day.

Luke Ford likes the conservatives. This is because he is a hack. FrumDad likes the liberals. This is because he is a psudeo-intellectual.

And DovBear? Well, this Dave Barry riff sums up Your Favorite Blogger's (TM) opinion of the sacred process:

... political TV ad present the issues with a degree of honesty, nuance and sophistication rarely seen outside of Veg-O-Matic commercials:

(On the screen, we see the CANDIDATE. Next to his face is the word ''LEADERSHIP.'') ANNOUNCER: Leadership. It isn't just a word. It's a word that tested really well in our focus groups. And it's a word we want you to think about when you think about the Candidate. Also, ``low-carb.''

(Now we see the candidate's OPPONENT, in an unflattering photograph that makes him look like THE WORLD'S LARGEST GLOB OF EARWAX.)

ANNOUNCER: The Opponent favors policies that could cause the Earth to rotate in the opposite direction, causing all life on the planet to hurtle into space and die. Is that really what Americans want?

(Now we see the CANDIDATE standing in an attractive outdoor setting with his WIFE AND CHILDREN.)

CANDIDATE: I want to lead America in the right direction. That's why I'm standing with my family on this lawn. And that's why I approve of this message.

He's not even that far from the truth.

Aren't there any dictionaries in Williamsburg?

MODESTY, KABBALAH STYLE

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher will lend their support to the Kabbalah Center by posing naked.

Words fail.

COMPASSION, STATE DEPARTMENT STYLE

QUESTION: Did you hear that Castro fell?

MR. BOUCHER: We heard that Castro fell. There are, I think, various reports that he broke a leg, an arm, a foot, and other things, and I'd guess you'd have to check with the Cubans to find out what's broken about Mr. Castro. We, obviously, have expressed our views about what's broken in Cuba.

QUESTION: Do you wish him a speedy recovery?

MR. BOUCHER: No.

The Full Story

WE PLEAD NO CONTEST

Kerry slams Bush over the missing munitions saying: "This is one of the great blunders of Iraq, one of the greatest blunders of this administration and the incredible incompetence of this President and this administration has put our troops at risk and this country at greater risk."

How do the president's toadies respond? "John Kerry has no vision for fighting and winning the War on Terror, so he is basing his attacks on the headlines he wakes up to each day"

So, in other words, Kerry's charge, on the merits, is true?

Reb Yudel calls foul! "It unsporting for Kerry to attack Bush on information unavailable to a president who has forsworn reading newspapers!"

THIS JUST IN! THE EARTH IS ROUND AND...

Catholic-Jewish couples face tough choices

A HORA FOR THE TORA

Despite what the New York Daily News might have you believe, a hora is a round dance, not a street march. The headline writer, I suppose, just couldn't resist the cheap and easy rhyme. Which is why he's working for a tabloid, and not a real paper.

THE MUSIC OF MO

The minions of MOChassid have been arguing the essential question of our age: Is music tefilla?

Rav Abadi answers: We are not familiar with this.

IS THERE A CONSERVATIVE IN THIS ELECTION?

If so, who?

"Yes, Kerry is liberal. But what's to fear from a liberal president? That he would run big deficits? That he would increase federal spending? That he would expand the power of the federal government over individuals' lives? Nothing Kerry could do could top what President Bush has already done in those realms."

Who said this? The very conservative DesMoines Register.

Aich omrim "thong" b'ivrit?

From TMQ, the football blog belonging to policy wonk Greg Easterbrook:

Ari Fischbein of Far Rockaway, N.Y., says the TMQ signature phrase "for thong-based reasons" would be l'sibot tachtonim retzuot in Hebrew. Rechavia Berman of Tel Aviv, editor of a Hebrew-language, renders it as MeSibot Tluyot Xutini, reporting that the "Xutini" part is a Hebrew pun, which we'll have to
take his word for.

DovBear wonders: Where did a Far Rockaway boy learn how to say thong in Hebrew?

Tzu Vemen, Tzu Vemen!

... among the baynonim.

... among the renegades.

Wouldn't it be a hoot if they belonged to the same shul?

The Complete Thresa OOOPs list

A collection of THK idiocies, gaffes and goofs. Heinzisms?

Yes, but how did he wipe?

Martin Luther left a candid catalogue of his endless battle with constipation; no doubt he though deeply about the Church and his reformation while in the midst of squatting. Now archeologists have found his toilet.

No, we're not making this up.

Memo from DovBear to Haredi Yeshivos: Teach English!

Hey! There's no crying in baseball.

Ok, here's the money quote, but trust DovBear. It is one of hundreds just like it:

Quote: Win it for Johnny Pesky, who deserves to wear a Red Sox uniform in the dugout during the 2004 World Series. Mr. Henry, the trophy needs to be presented first of all to him.

Sure, if you want me to be reduced to a quivering heap of emotional goo, go right ahead.You're a beautiful man, Jack. Someone hand these Bosox fans a tissue.