Checking in from the Holy Land

A guest post by TikunOlam

Shalom u'Bracha from the Holy Land. I am here visiting for two weeks after not having been here in 15 years. Entering Israel after so many years, the first thing I noticed was how much had changed. Everything is more modern and westernized, the airport, the roads, the shopping centers. And of course, there are whole towns where there once were bare mountains including Ramat Beit Shemesh, where I have been staying for the first couple of nights.

But with all the change around me, what I found on the first day visiting the Kotel for the first time in 15 years was that what had changed most since the last time I had been here seems to be me.

I insisted that my family visit the Kotel the first day we were in Israel. My husband didn't understand why, as I have not been a religious person in so many years, but I couldn't imagine introducing my children to Israel without making the Kotel our first official stop.

The experience of the Kotel, for me, was so different now then it was the last time I was here. As now, it is my first time in Israel as a non-religious person. So while my children went to touch the wall, put little prayers into the kotel, I found that I had no desire at all. I discovered that the spirituality I once felt at the Kotel that was once powerful enough to move me to tears, didn't exist inside me anymore. Instead, what moved me most this time, was being able to watch people who were obviously seeing the Kotel for the first time, experiencing that wave of emotion that I was once able to feel.

One particularly powerful moment was when I witnessed two young people with their hands covering the eyes of their friend until he became close enough to the Kotel to get a full view. When they uncovered his eyes, he couldn't move, he just stood and stared. His experience of awe was almost palpable. I think I miss being able to feel that way.