Wednesday, April 18, 2012

10 Ways You Can Tell Your Frum Teen Is Headed For Trouble


The original goes like this:

10 Ways You Can Tell Your Amish Teen Is Headed For Trouble

10. Sometimes stays in bed until after 5 am.
9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.
7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh!"
6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap."
4. You come upon his secret stash of colored socks.
3. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, 'cause the beard ain't listening."
2. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage cheese."
1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.

The frum spoof is as follows:

1. He stops putting B"SD at the top of his emails
2. He surfs the net for shiurim and then erases the history on his parents' computer.
3. He uses deodorant. You know he'll be completely off the derech when he starts using cologne.
4. His shuckling during davening does not cause the floor to reverberate
5. His eyes aren't downcast and he doesn't blush when talking to girls
6. You come across a secret stash of Gedolim cards in his drawer and there is also a picture of R'JB Soloveichik.
7. His tsitsit no longer flap widly in the wind. He now takes the time to tuck them neatly inside his pants.
8. He hums Lipa Schmeltzer songs to himself when he thinks he's alone
9. You catch him eating M & M's (pareve, but with marked as OU Pareve Made on Dairy Equipment) when you know he's had chicken for lunch only 5.75 hours before
10. He starts coming home from mishmar at 10:00 pm rather than 11:00 pm.

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