Book V
Our story is still not over...
The Book of Esther
Perak Hay!
Ester put on her sleaziest outfit and approached the throne room. Once inside, she saw Ach busy with one of the chambermaids, which explained why he never seemed to have a desire for her. A bit ashamed, Ach offered Ester half the kingdom if she would just forget about it, and not mention it to any of the papers. Rashi says that it was an election year, and Ach had only a narrow lead in the polls.
Instead of complaining, Ester invited Ach and Haman to a kegger that she planned to throw later that day. Ach, who would have done anything to avoid being dragged into divorce court, agreed, and sent for Haman. At the party, Ach could see that Ester was still peeved and offered her half the kingdom again. Inexplicably, instead of just taking half the kingdom, and letting all the Jews move there, Ester asked Ach to bring Haman to another party with even more booze the next day. Ach agreed.
Haman left the palace and saw Mudcha miming and steam blew out of Haman’s ears like Yosemite Sam. He screamed “Ooooooo, I hate that Mudcha!” with a curious southern drawl.
Rashi points out that it was a miracle of G-d that Haman, who, as we will soon see, was able to hang Mudcha on his own authority, didn’t ask one of his heavily-armed body guards to kill Mudcha on the spot. Rashbam says, "It bugs me that you keep using that 'miracle of God' jive to plug the plot holes."
When Haman got home, his wife Zeresh asked him what was wrong, and Haman threw a major temper-tantrum. "Mudcha won't bow to me. And he's an awful mime!" Haman cried. His wife tried to comfort him, but got nowhere.
Suddenly, Haman knew what to do: "I'll make a tremendous gallows and hang a sign on it that says “Mudcha is a putz," Haman exclaimed, "This way the whole city will know that Mudcha is a putz."
Zeresh suggested that instead of a sign, they hang Mudcha and Haman liked that idea even better. He had his ten boys begin building the gallows, except for his gentle son Freddo who had been sent to Vegas to learn the casino business.
To be continued...
