Showing posts with label A Mother in Israel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label A Mother in Israel. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Story Time

Guest Post by A Mother in Israel.

Since we are on the subject of tzniut in shul, I thought readers might enjoy this story that appears in the first volume of Olamot Shel Tohar: Tzohar Meir Letzniut Bat Yisrael Velikdushat Hamachaneh by Rabbi Michael Sofer. The original appears after my translation.

What Bothered the Rabbanit?

Once the Rabbanit Leah Karelitz a"h returned from the synagogue, and mentioned that she wasn't able to concentrate on her prayer because of a disturbance she experienced there.
"What disturbed the peace of the Rabbanit?" wondered the family members. So the tzadeket told how the sleeves of one of the daveners covered only a small part of her elbows, in a way that a slight lifting of the hand allowed the elbow to be revealed. This concern disturbed [the Rabbanit's] calm, and her prayer was distressed that day.

מה הטריד את הרבנית?
פעם אחת חזרה הרבנית לאה קרליץ ע"ה מבית הכנסת, והתבטאה כי היום לא הצליחה לכוון בתפלתה, עקב הפרעה שהיתה לה שם. "מה הטריד את מנוחתה של הרבנית?" התפלאו בני הבית. ואז ספרה הצדקת כי שרווליה של אחת המתפללות, כיסו אך במעט את מרפקיה, באופן שבהרמת יד קלה עלול היה המרפק להגלות. חשש זה הפריע את שלוותה, ולכן נטרדה תפלתה באותו היום.
מהספר לשכנו תדרשו

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Sunday, April 26, 2009

Breastfeeding Babies and Tzniut

Guest Post by A Mother in Israel (twitter.com@mominisrael)

An earlier version of this post, Nursing in the Ezrat Nashim, appeared last year as a followup to a post about a woman asked to nurse her baby in the bathroom on Rosh Hashanah.

Which of the following is disturbing, distracting, or inappropriate in shul?

  • Cracking open a bag of Bamba for a toddler, who proceeds to distribute the contents around the shul Hansel and Gretel style.
  • Shoving chairs right and left while pushing a monster stroller through the aisle.
  • Blocking the shul entrance with an unattended stroller.
  • Chatting loudly.
  • Repeatedly shushing noisy and restless preschoolers.
  • Allowing preschoolers to run back and forth among their friends.
  • Remaining with a crying baby in shul, even during the shofar blowing.
  • Standing quietly in place, noting that the baby is getting restless, and discreetly nursing him in a sling before he makes a sound.

Each of these occurred in my ezrat nashim (synagogue women’s section) this Rosh Hashanah. Well, the last one may not have--I have no way of knowing for sure. So why should a nursing mother, who is not bothering anybody, be singled out?

Even if your shul has more decorum than mine, people quietly tending to their children's needs should not be harassed. Nursing may make some people uncomfortable, but that doesn’t give them a right to interfere. People are uncomfortable with or distracted by many things that happen in shul: people blowing their noses, Tourette’s syndrome in which people uncontrollably blurt things out, bathroom exits, passing gas, wheelchairs. People could theoretically argue that attendees of a different skin color distract them from their prayers. So I hope we can agree that “it makes some people uncomfortable” is not a reason to disallow nursing in shul.

Before telling mothers to leave their seats in order to nurse, we ought to think about the negative messages we are conveying.

  1. Negative message: Breastfeeding is exceptional and unusual. Truth: Breastfeeding is natural and normal and mothers don't have to stop activities they enjoy once they become mothers.
  2. Negative message: In order to breastfeed your baby, you must isolate yourself. To be part of the shul, you must bottlefeed, get a babysitter, or both. Truth: Mother and baby togetherness is important for a baby’s physical, cognitive, and emotional development, and our community should recognize this.
  3. Negative message: Breastfeeding is inherently untzniusdik. Truth: Breastfeeding isn't sexual, and a nursing mother need not hide away until her baby weans. She can nurse without putting her breast on view. But if a woman prefers to nurse in another room, she should have the option.
  4. Negative message: Breastfeeding is unholy, and incompatible with prayer. Truth: Women may pray while nursing, and Judaism encourages nursing until age two and even up to 4 or 5 years. Some even consider nursing for two years to be a religious obligation.
  5. Negative message: Young mothers and babies are not welcome in our our synagogue so we will place roadblocks in their attempts to participate. Truth: Our community welcomes families, and ought to support mothers even if we prefer not to see them nursing.
Women should have their eyes on the siddur, not on their neighbors. Let's not put artificial restrictions on women that have nothing to do with halacha.

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Sunday, April 12, 2009

Pesach and Wasting Food

Guest Post by A Mother in Israel
Originally posted
here.

Jonathan Bloom at Wasted Food writes about throwing out food in advance of Passover:
I can’t criticize religious or cultural practices that cause food waste, but I will say that not all Jews throw out or burn their leavened foods each spring. There are different levels of observance, both personally and officially (Reform, Conservative and Orthodox).
When I was growing up, my dad “sold” our chametz to a colleague for a symbolic buck.
While it's true that a strict observance of Passover may involve some waste of food, I want to make two points.
  1. The need to get rid of chametzdik food isn't so different from going on vacation or moving to a new house, when you also might throw out opened packages and perishables. In all three cases, one solution is to give the food to a neighbor or co-worker (unless they also observe Pesach).
  2. People who throw out tons of food before Passover are the same people who waste food all year round. They overbuy, can't be bothered with leftovers, and don't keep track of their stock. I understand that a food-waste blogger doesn't like to see of thousands of people burning food in a religious ceremony. But I imagine it's a fraction of the food that gets thrown out during the year in many families.
In other words, it's not the Pesach requirements that lead to waste. After all, we have eleven and a half months to figure out how to use up the chametz.

I grew up with a strong tradition of food conservation. Other than an occasional jar of cooked rice and a few slices bread for my father to burn in the backyard erev Pesach, I don't recall her throwing out food. I think that is the authentic Jewish tradition. But I see and read about huge amounts of overbuying and overeating for Shabbat, holidays and smachot. I also suspect that if Jonathan Bloom were to peek into the garbage cans of the chametz burners after the holiday, he would find a good number of Passover treats that lost their appeal on 22 Nissan.

Related: Pesach Excess

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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Local Kabbala Cult?

Cross-posted at A Mother in Israel.

"So who is moving into Kiryat Matalon as the older people die out?" I ask the woman I met in the park (let's call her P). P has just explained that Kiryat Matalon, her upscale neighborhood at the western entrance of Petach Tikvah, no longer has enough kids to justify its own elementary school.

"The private houses are expensive," P answers. "So the survivors divide them up into rental units. Do you know that storefront on Jabotinsky Street, Kabbalah La'am? The members of that group snatch up all the available rentals."

"Really?" Whenever I go by the place seems deserted.

"Yes. If you go out at 3am, you see thousands of men headed there, from my neighborhood, Tel Aviv, and other cities. Many are celebrities—singers, models. . . ."

This conversation is starting to ring a bell. A year or two ago I saw a response by Rav Aviner to a question about learning kabbalah, warning the writer about kabbalah cults. His reponse included a former member's testimony, which appears here. If the testimony is accurate Kabbalah La'am, also known as Bnei Baruch, has all the characteristics of a cult: late-night brainwashing, a charismatic leader, large charitable "contributions," gradual initiation into an inner circle, secrecy, and ostracism of members who leave.

From the outside it seems to resemble Orthodox Judaism. The page I linked to mentions Shabbat, kashrut, niddah, modest dress for women, and kippot for men. On Sukkot and Pesach they hold huge festivals with large numbers of overseas visitors.

Nana10 has an interview with other former members of Bnei Baruch. One couple was attracted to it because, unlike others offering Jewish studies, the group didn't object to her Italian-born husband's non-Jewish status.

Men are allowed to spend only fifteen minutes a day with their families. When a husband mentioned that his wife objected, his comrades told him to divorce her and get a new wife. They said "It's like switching one cow for another."

The woman in the park added more details, which I have no way of verifying. The newspaper article (from 2005) mentions an emphasis on skirts for women. The women in P's neighborhood wear skirts or pants, and married women cover their hair. They stay with the kids all day through the evening; P doesn't see fathers with the children. The men volunteer or study at the center during the evenings, and again from 3-6 AM. During Pesach and Sukkot, the men don't see their wives at all. The women and children attend meals on Shabbat but eat separately.

Once P noticed some of the women eating on Yom Kippur. When questioned the women told her that the Jewish Torah is "shtuyot (nonsense)." They explained that they follow the kabbalah, and come from a lost tribe that had left Egypt with the Jews but never made it to Eretz Yisrael. P claims that the kabbalah center houses scrolls that look like a sefer Torah but contain a different text.

One woman from the group noticed that P's daughter is overweight. She looked intently at P and said, "There's nothing wrong with your daughter. It's you. You have a sickness." Still, all in all, P. says that the influx of young couples is good for the neighborhood. The kids attend their own school in a different city, but enroll in local preschools and afterschool activities.

Leader Michael Leitman responded to the claims in the Nana article saying, "We take a 10% tithe like every community synagogue in Bnei Brak." This is disingenuous. Jewish sources recommend donating at least ten percent of income to charity, but no one expects the shul to get all of it. Former group members report that real numbers are closer to 20%.

Blogger Hezi Amiel writes that the kabbalah center has a sophisticated web presence and high ranking in search engines, making it difficult for potential members to find information critical of the group.

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Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Shidduchim, CSI Style

Guest post by A Mother in Israel (Cross-posted here)

You've heard of white tablecloths and plate-scraping. But there are questions you haven't thought of asking (yet).

A Purim spoof:


Hat tip: Mrs. S.

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Thursday, March 05, 2009

Serve in the Israeli Army and Avoid Taxes

Guest Post by A Mother in Israel

[DovBear readers might remember me as the blogger who posted extensively about "hyper-tzniut" and suspected child abuser Bruria Keren. I write about women and family issues in Orthodoxy and Israel, and environmental issues at the Israeli blog Green Prophet. Thanks to Dov Bear who kindly invited me to guest post, among other reasons because I'm female, Israeli, and "right-wingish." We'll see how well I fit any stereotypes you might have. :) My blog recently moved and can now be found at AMotherInIsrael.com.]

Haaretz printed a story this week about a judge who allowed a tax evader to avoid jail time, partly because he served in a prestigious army reserve unit and participated in the recent fighting in Gaza. (The story is not available online.)

Despite the severity of the confessed crimes, which included twelve counts of tax fraud, Judge Aviva Talmor did not sentence the defendant to jail. Instead, he received a suspended sentence both because of his health problems and because "he continues to serve in the reserves as a fighter in the military commando unit, and even earned special commendation."

While serving with valor in the army is laudable, it shouldn't exempt one from following Israel's civil laws. I'm appalled at the low standards. It seems that paying taxes is something that only the most upright citizens need to do, and those who contribute in other ways get a pass.

The judge who accepted this premise should also accept the reverse: Maybe those of us who pay taxes in full should be exempt from serving in the army, or at least in combat units. I don't see much difference between the judge's stance and that of the haredim, who maintain that sitting and learning is just as valuable as serving in the army.

DovBear readers, what say you?

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