I'm so confused.

My Torah True Manual is very clear about the New York Times. It's right there under T for "treif," next to the photos of the pork flesh, and the little girl who doesn't wear tights.

My GOP Jew Handbook is even more dismissive. It describes the Times with words like "anti-Israel" and "dishonest" and [shudder] "liberal." And, on the cover, so that there are no misunderstandings, they've put a picture of Sean Hannity giving Arthur O. Sulzberger a wedgie

So will someone please explain to me why the Times keeps printing these pro-Jewish articles?

Last week, for example, we saw a flattering article about Rachel Factor, an Orthodox Jewish artist who only performs for woman; earlier in the week, there was a long piece about Orthodox Jewish authors. Both pieces were sympathetic toward Jewish ritual and religion. I could detect neither mocking nor sneering. Israel was not insulted. The Palestinians were not mentioned.

How disappointing! That's not the sort of yellow journalism we've come to expect from a publication as ideologically despicable as the Times. (I read soccerdad!) I propose, therefore, that the Time's recent kindness toward the people of Israel is all part of an elaborate campaign involving Pinky, the Brain and perhaps Rush Limbough's drug pusher.

My readers are warned to be on their guard.