HEY I'M FAMOUS I was so distracted by Bush's doofy grin, I failed to notice that Luke Ford had linked me. You know what this means, don't you? It means I'm a star. A glorious, brilliant star. And I'm better than you.

But I won't let fame change me. Yes, I crashed my Hummer (yellow, with chrone wheels) into the line waiting outside FLoat last night, killing three people (all of whom probably had webpages with far fewer hits than mine, so no big loss). Yes, I dumped my girlfriend after she caught me snorting coke off the bald head of my new Senegalese model/roommate/singer. And, yes, I got in a fistfight with Courtny Love over Kurt's legacy. The wench scratches.

Otherwise, I'm still the same. Mostly. I still have a goldfish, but now she swims in Evian. My cellphone is unchanged, only now it rings much, much lounder, and to the tune of Usher's "My Boo." I've begun double-parking, I admit, talking boorishly during davening, and pushing ahead of lines. But I am a Jewish man, so that might have happened even if Luke had continued to ignore me.

Most important, I won't change my approach to DovBear. It will only be slightly modified. I'll still blog about politics and the Jewish world. I'll still post any damn thing I see, I'll still say anything I damn well please, and I'll still insult other bloggers whenever I can. Only now (Velvel) I pledge to have a damn good reason.