My Lunch With The Bray of Fundie

A Guest Post By E. Fink

I just got returned from a lunch meeting with the one and only Bray of Fundie. It was our first in real life interaction. We never met before and I do not know his name.

I was a little nervous in light of recent MySpace and Craigslist murders, but I hedged my bets and decided to take the plunge and meet the one and only, Bray of Fundie.

We had a great time. (No we were not bashing DovBear the entire time.)

BOF is a very friendly guy. He reminds me of one of my wife's uncles. Knowledgeable, erudite and genial, he is actually great company.

BOF entered into the restaurant, ambles over to me and says "Sholom Aleichem, The Bray of Fundie". We enjoyed some lovely fare (BOF ordered healthy) in a tri-state area restaurant and of course BOF was very careful with his brachos and other eating related halachos.

Our conversation ranged from sports, to politics (very little, we both don't enjoy the topic), to contemporary issues like Chinuch, Seminary and Segulos, to technological savvy (or his lack thereof), to the Yated, to BOF's opinion on some of the bloggers and commenters on DovBear and elsewhere. I am being honest when I say this, BOF really likes you guys. I asked BOF who he would want to meet in real life. He told me he wants to meet "Sitra Achra", "Back of the Hill" and "Hershey" more that anyone else. Interesting, no? Of course he wants to meet DovBear and TikkunOlam as well.

We also talked about some of the recent posts on DovBear that lacked BOF's voice due to his banishment. BOF feels that the baby issue is very emotional and he would probably not have commented, but he did agree that for most Frum people, having large families is a social issue and not halachic. Another recent post that we discussed was the Kolko Jr. news. BOF has no sympathy for pedophiles and sex abusers.

BOF joked that he would love to infiltrate the Lakewood Elementary School System and give the boys in his class Milky Way (not Cholov Yisrael) candy bars. How quickly would he be tossed from the school? Would his supporters say "it was a set-up", "the accusers are just seeking revenge", "the Rebbe is such a good person, he would never give the kinderlach Milky Ways" etc. the way they hide their pedophiles? Funny to think about, not funny that he is probably right.

Of course, two Jews, three opinions. We did have a few disagreements. Particularly about me "enabling" DovBear with my glowing review of DovBear on the Parsha. I explained to him that I am in favor of thinking and DovBear on the Parsha makes you think. He actually budged a little on this, but I don't think he fully agreed. BOF is also not as against Segulos as me. But I did give him a preview of an upcoming post on Brachos / Amen Parties. He liked it.

Not a native New Yorker, BOF has some of the subtle niceties of the Out Of Town Frum Jew. My impression of BOF as a person are all positive. He works for a living, has a balanced knowledge of the world around him, he is a champion of Torah and halachic Judaism and he is a very smiley guy too. He had a grin on his face throughout most of our meeting. As a blogger, I suggested to BOF that he's gotta tone it down a little and try and match his blogging persona with his real life persona.

Oh, and his name is not actually Chaim (or Grossferster for that matter). BOF debated revealing his true identity to me...

...But he remains anonymous (or as he prefers: chameleonymous). BOF promised to consider giving me his name next time we meet. In the meantime, at least I have a face to attach to his pseudonym.

(I apologize if I bored you with this post. A few people asked about our meeting, so there you go.)

Search for more information about The Bray of Fundie at 4torah.com.

Riot Watch &c

Holy Jewish fathers were separated today from their holy Jewish children in Deal and Newark, yet oddly no tire fires have as yet been reported. Has the Eidat HaCharedit been briefed?

I understand some Torah True Jews have scheduled a public Tehillim in support of the arrested rabonim. I expect the jail doors to swing open soon thereafter.

I'm deeply disturbed that the anti-Semitic media has chosen to report this story. The fact that they've given this kind of play to a insignificant little inter-state corruption bust that involved several politicians is only proof of their evil anti-Jewish agenda.

More as it occurs to me.

Search for more information about Rabbinical Scoundrels at 4torah.com.

Memo to my fellow Jews

Attention Fellow Jews

Going without meat is not a hardship.

I hate to say it, but those of you whining about how tough the Nine Days are on your poor precious stomachs sound spoiled rotten.

There's plenty of good food to eat that isn't meat. Fish, for instance. And eggs. And pasta. And vegetables. And best of all, there's always ice cream or cheese cake for desert. So kwtcherbellyachin'

That is all.

Anticipated Objections and My Replies

"Real men need meat!"
Pathetic. A real man survives in the wilderness on bugs and rain water he slurps off leaves. Stuffing your face with processed beef isn't masculine. It's soft and weak.

"Whah, whah. I'm lactose intolerant!"
Fish isn't dairy. Pasta isn't dairy.

"Ick fish? Fish stinks."
Not if its fresh it doesn't stink. People who don't like fish, deserve about as much sympathy as do people who don't like sex, scotch and rock and roll.

"What are you? Gay?"
Dahlink, gay men LOVE meat

Search for more information about [topic] at 4torah.com.

The story you all want to talk about: NJ Rabbis arrrested in corruption probe

N.J. rabbis arrested in corruption probe along with two mayors, a state assembly man and dozens of others.

Ah, New Jersey. [Insert Mafia Joke Here]

The US Attorney has promised to connect the dots, today, at a noon press conference. Valentine from Avi "We Love Bernie Madoff" Shafron to the implicated Rabbis expected soon after.

Shorter Yael Mishali

Here, for the hard-of-reading, is a boiled down summary of Yael Mishali's awful Ynet article:

I really like ice cream. Eating it gives me joy, pleasure and fulfilment. Anyone who disagrees is an evil, liberal, secular, selfish feminist terrorist.

And, this, at bottom, is what I found most offensive about her piece. Somehow, Mishali has acquired the idea that having a large family is the one true path to happiness, and anyone who disagrees is deluded, dangerous or both. She seems not to understand that different people find fulfilment in different ways, and that what satisfies her may not work for someone else.

Ironically, Mishali is behaving exactly like the 70s style feminists she disdains. It was the 70s style feminists who (per the caricature, at least) thought only careers brought fulfilment and showered scorn on women who chose children instead. Now, some 40 years later, here comes Mishali acting no less viciously toward woman who've made the opposite choice.

The ones having the last laugh are the women I know, the third wave feminists who live in 2009. They have no use for Mishali, and no use for the sort of feminists she criticizes. For them, feminism means choices, and most all choices are equal. You can be June Cleaver, or you can choose to follow Mary Richard's path instead. That's up to you, and no one - not society, not your parents, and certainly not some fire-breathing barely literate Ynet editorialist - has the right to make that decision on your behalf.

One (Big) Happy Family

A Guest Post By E. Fink

An article on Ynet.com featured on VIN caught my ire this afternoon.

The writer, a woman, calls upon all Orthodox Jews to reject "the evil feminists" of Kolech and "have as many children as possible, as soon as possible". For there is no greater joy in life than having many children.

Her arguments are weak (read it for yourself) and the ending says it all: "Trust me". Why should I trust her?

As a proud father of 2 beautiful boys (a 6 year old and 8 month old) I can attest to the joys of parenthood. Giving the gift of life to one's offspring is both very powerful and oftentimes emotional. I cannot imagine my life without my family.

I must take issue with this woman's assertion that "the greatest gift we can give our families is a big family. Very big".

In the VIN comments, there is a quote from R' Shlomo Zalman Aurbach. When approached with a shaila regarding a woman who had 6 children and suffered a nervous breakdown for a heter to use birth control. His response, "why are you asking me, ask the Rav who gave her a heter to have 6 children in the first place!?"

Reb Moshe Feinstein writes in his Tshuvos that if the mother would suffer any physical, psychological or emotional harm from bearing more children she must use birth control.

Having a large family is not rooted in halacha. It is rooted in a social pressure to conform.

What has happened is the children of the "survivors" and that generation had a social calling to have large families. They were able to bear it (for the most part) with a low cost of living and 9-5 jobs, leaving time and money to spare. Enough to support many of those children in Kollel.

For many people pregnancy and childbirth as well as child rearing are difficult. For many families the cost of living is too high to support a large family. Work hours are long and the money does not go as far as it used to go.

Today's society requires different approaches to life's challenges from previous generations. The cost of living is higher. This forces most families to need a dual income. Who is going to raise these large families? What about the marriages? Husbands and wives who work full time, come home tired with children who need their time and attention. The idea of marriage in Judaism is to develop a relationship with a significant other. This cannot be ignored either!

Our schools are suffering from unprecedented deficits and budget cutting. Parents are having a hard time paying the tuition bills. Large families may be all of "your joy" but they can be an unfair burden on the tzibbur.

I am not calling for a "child cap" ala China. I am saying use your sechel and please don't tell me what is good for you is good for everyone. Please don't preach to me about what you think is right when it is not based on halacha.

Bitachon does not allow for recklessness. We cannot overburden ourselves or the system and expect bitachon to bail us out. There are children of large families who I know resented the lack of attention they received, the handouts they needed and the hustle and bustle of their busy homes. Those parents were likely ill equipped to deal with the large family dynamics and their children felt it.

Also, I happen to think that there are folks who have lots of kids to distract themselves from their unhappy lives, or their unhappy marriages (yes like a drug). Those folks need help. Not bigger families.

Search for more information about big families at 4torah.com.

What's in a name?

Report:

A camp counselor who worked at a program run at a Lakewood private school has been arrested on charges that he sexually assaulted a young boy.

Yosef A. Kolko, 33, of Gefen Drive, Lakewood, who worked as a camp counselor at Yachad, a summer camp based out of Bais Hatorah School on Swathmore Drive, was arrested Sunday, authorities said.

Our insiders say this Kolko is a nephew to the other Kolko, the one noted and self proclaimed godol Lippy Margolis protected for twenty years.

What kind of 33 year old works as a counselor? And aren't Yachad kids developmentally disabled? So this sicko was preying on the weakest and most vilnerable? Disgusting.

Some new Ani Maamins for these trying and spiritually deficient times

Got nothing, so how about a rehash?

Some new Ani Maamins for these trying and spiritually deficient times

Attention all Jews who are meticulously careful to repeat the 13 Ani Maamins each and every day. You are koferim. Heretics. Deficient in belief. Spiritual Pygmies.

Perhaps 13 fundamentals were enough for our ancestors, but we live in more challenging times. Therefore, following the excellent advice acquired here, I firmly suggest that you add the following affirmations to your daily devotions:

- I firmly believe the world in exactly 5767 years old. [*] [1]
- I firmly believe that the sun, moon and planets revolve around the earth. [1]
- I firmly believe that the Mediterranean Sea is the largest body of water (hence it's name "yam hagadol").
- I firmly believe that Eretz Yisroel is higher than all other lands, including Mount Everest [1]
- I firmly believe that there are six planets
- I firmly believe that there are 4 elements [1]
- I firmly believe that lice do not come from eggs [1]
- I firmly believe that the moon generates its own light, and does not merely reflect the sun.
- I firmly believe that there was a flood that covered the entire earth.
up. [1]
- I firmly believe that the moon landing was a fraud, because there is a bible verse which suggests space travel is impossible. [1]
- I firmly believe that no animal species will ever go extinct. [1]
- I firmly believe global warming is a hoax, not because I've studied the science, but because a bible verse suggests the climate won't ever change. [1]
- I firmly believe men are smarter then women, because there's a lone passage in the Talmud attributed to one Sage which seems to make this claim. [1]

Laughing? Stop. These are genuine Haredi beliefs.

[*] Any Rishon who suggested otherwise was a kofer.
[1] I know actual people who believe this.

Already a schism

Talk about your time wasting discussions, and pointless, possibly self-destructive, gestures:

The Religious Women's Forum Kolech decided at their conference last week to choose a Hebrew title for a woman ordained as a rabbi by an Orthodox institution, although no woman in Israel yet holds this position.

The title chosen by a majority of conference participants is "rabba."

In NY, the only ordained Orthodox woman is called "maharat." This strikes me as a perfectly good word. Why are the Israelis trying to fix something that isn't broken? Why are they naming something that's already been named? If they want this woman-rabbi thing to catch on, the thing to do is to go and ordain one. Calling a conference to choose a title, when a title already exists, is like something out of Orwell. It wastes time, deflects attention, saps momentum, and creates internal controversy, confusion and disagreement when what's needed is a unified front.

Less talk, more action Kolech members.

Are You Superstitious?

A Guest Post By E. Fink

Yesterday, the gadget blog Gizmodo ran a post that got the internets buzzing.

The original post headline read: "Orthodox Couple Imprisoned By Superstition Blame Motion Sensing Light Instead". Subsequently, the headline was changed to be a little more PC.

In a nutshell, a regular Frum couple (as per Haddassah Sabo Milner who knows them) has a vacation home in a building. They were promised motion sensing lights would not be installed. Motion sensing lights were installed. They asked if they could pay to have them switched and any difference in monthly cost to the building. The owner of the building did not cooperate. The Frum folks are now filing suit.

Gizmodo writer Jack Lofton says that they are imprisoned by their superstition.

I would say they are trying to follow halacha.

(This post will not investigate the merits of their halachic position. I am giving this a fuller treatment on my blog here.)

For now, I'd just like to know what you think. Is adhering to halacha superstitious?

Update by DovBear: James Dean comments on the halacha: The worst case Melacha scenario is a Davar Sheino Miskaven and a Psik Reisha Dlo Ichpas Lei and therefore since the light is turned on Derech Hilucha there is sufficient reason to be maikel using a Sfeik Sfeika approach on a D'Rabonon of Kilachei Yad instead of causing a Chillul Hashem which is more likely a D'Oraisa.This would be following the Halcha. What we have here is what is more and more the typical Chareidi ignorance of what the Halachah really is.

Sheesh, go learn some Rishonim for Hashem's sake.

Update by E.Fink: Because I want to give an opinion and not leave the post ending with a question: I think following Halacha is superstitious. But that is not a bad thing. It means we believe in something supernatural. Nothing wrong with that!

Update by E.Fink: By the way... The writer apologized.

Search for more information about halacha at 4torah.com.

Terrifying confluence of events alert

Lunatic RW bloggers are certain Obama has already announced and put into motion an evil anti Israel plan that involves the destruction of settlements and the internationalisation of Jerusalem. Their slightly more sane counterparts acknowledge this has not yet happened, but feel somewhat certain an evil anti-Israel Obama Plan will be announced "before the end of July."

This year Tisha B'av is July 30.

Now, the idea that every Jewish catastrophe occurred on Tisha Bav is a myth, as Josh Yuter successfully argued back in 2003. I don't think the day has any special power, and I also think the Obama Plan will be nothing but a retread of previous US peace plans. I doubt it will go beyond Bush Jr's Road Map, and I'm certain it won't include anything like the overt threats Bush Sr made in 1990. Still, I'm intrigued by the potential for a coincidence for the ages.

Play along with me, for a second. What if the terrified RW is correct? What if Obama actually does announce something evil and anti-Israel? And what if the announcement comes on Tisha B'av?

I'll mark it down as a coincidence, of course. But I suppose those who haven't read Yuter's article, and think Tisha B'av is the magic day for tragedy will be oddly reassured.

Moshe's Massacre &c.

Did you catch the massacre Moshe orders toward the end of Matos? A nasty bit of business, no? And the worst part about it, as aptly noted by many, is that it isn't God who tells Moshe to tell Israel to go and rape girl children and murder women and boy children. Per the text, the slaughter is Moshe's own idea:

15 And Moses said unto them, Have ye saved all the women alive?

16 Behold, these caused the children of Israel, through the counsel of Balaam, to commit trespass against the LORD in the matter of Peor, and there was a plague among the congregation of the LORD.

17 Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.

18 But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.

Reading this, all sorts of important questions about "torah morality" and the nature of Moshe's authority come to mind.

Additional puzzlements:
1) When the Israelites go out to war, Pinchas accompanies them. Rashi gives many reasons why he, and not his father Eliezer, Elazar went out with the troops. What Rashi does not explain is this: why isnt Joshua mentioned as the field commander here as in previous battles?

2) Just what exactly does Rashi think a kumaz is? I mean I know he says its some kind of pendant or clasp that went around the, ahem, female crotch area, but what kind of weird jewelry item is that?

OU and Conspiracy Theories

A guest post by JS:

Can someone verify whether the OU is really involved in this? I'd like to believe the answer is no, but that seems like a naive assumption nowadays.

Search for more information about the OU at 4torah.com.

Media Bias

Media bias is a tricky thing, but when it comes to reporting about Haredi rioters, things can get even stickier. To help Jew haters in the media stay out of trouble, I've prepared a few illustrative examples:

Biased sentence: Haredim protest in Jerusalem and cause massive property damage
Unbiased sentence: A handful of people who may have been Haredim but also could have been hilonim dressed as Haredim for the purpose of making God's favorite people look bad were marching peacefully in the street for very good Torah True reasons when by mistake some people accidently caused some damage to a few things that were already broken and ready to be thrown out.

Biased sentence: Haredim throw diapers at police.
Unbiased sentence: A fine Haredi mother of 10 children who would never dream of divorcing her masmid husband was attempting to heave a diaper into a trash can from a distance of 25 yards, when an evil, provocative, Jew-hating Jewish police man purposely got his head in the way.

Biased sentence: A crowd of angry Jews burned garbage in Tel Aviv.
Unbiased sentence: A handful of fine, wonderful Jews who learn Torah 24/7 and come from families where drugs and divorce are unknown, were a little angry for very good reasons and unintentionally responded to evil police provocations by accidentally by mistake being in the vicinity when some unknown parties set some garbage on fire.

Biased sentence: Jewish protesters threw rocks at cars to protect shabbos desecration
Unbiased sentence: A slightly disturbed young person demonstrated his wonderful and inspiring love for shabbos by unintentionally nudging a small pebble in the general direction of a car windshield which inexplicably broke.

What a world that must be

A guest post by TikunOlam

Ever since I read Haddasah Sabo Milner's post on Single Mothers by Choice, something has been really bugging me. What is bugging me even more, is that it didn't seem to bug anyone else. Haddasah commented, as many in the OJ community probably would, of women who are considering having a child on their own in their thirties and forties:

I also wondered, where is this woman’s emunah, faith, in G-d? Does she not trust that He will send her a husband when He decides it’s the right time? That if G-d decides she should have a child, then He will make it happen the right way?

I wonder how this way of thinking affects those who have not yet found their spouses. Do they believe that suffering through years of dating while watching as their friends get married and have children are being punished by Hashem? Are women who have miscarried or parents who have suffered the death of a child supposed to believe that they have been deemed unworthy by god of seeing this child grow up. Are infertile women really supposed to have emunah that this was Hashem's will?

It seems to me, that living within such a paradigm would be so painful, so invalidating. To have one's emunah questioned because a woman or a man is suffering with frustration or even depression because his/her dreams of having a life partner or becoming a parent have not come to fruition. To have to believe that one should be ashamed that they are suffering from lack of emunah because they are longing for something that they don't have. To then feel embarrassed to express these feeling to others for fear of being viewed as having weak emunah. And then to be told, "you have to have emunah!"

All I can say is, what a world that must be for those who are not fortunate enough to have met their life partner in their twenties. And what a world that must be for couples trying to have children who cannot. And what a world that must be for those who have suffered miscarriage or the death of a child.

Search for more information about having emunah at 4torah.com.

A Sad Commentary On Judaism Today

A Guest Post By E. Fink

Yesterday I was driving down a Monsey road with my wife. We saw a woman walking on the street who was very modeslty dressed. As we got closer we saw she was clearly wearing a burqa or something like a burqa. Her entire face and head was covered save for her eyes.

At the same moment we said to each other "you think she is a Frum Jew?".

Now that is a sad commentary on Judaism today...

UPDATE:

I didn't think I had to spell it out for you...

In case you were wondering, she was a Muslim. This is a commentary on how some Jewish women have begun to dress in "Burqaesque" garb. I never thought that I would see a woman in a Burqa and consider whether she was a Frum Jewish woman with Hijab tendencies...

That is all.

Search for more information about tznius at 4torah.com.

Another Flawed Sales Pitch

A Guest Post By E. Fink

Recently, DovBear (the blog) has seen quite a few posts on the same theme. We had misleading Kashrus, misleading Charity and misleading Sukkah adverts. This post follows the same theme.

Yesterday I read an important column on Vosizneais.com.

The column was a great perpective on Baal Teshuvas and their integration into the Frum community. In particular the column focused on various reactions of the BT (I use the term adoringly) when encountered with other (supposedly) Frum Jews who are not living up to their own standards.

Some BTs "can't handle the truth" and wind up right where they started - wonderful secular people. Other BTs are more adept at maintaining their Frum lifestyle despite the disappointment. The article enumerates some of the great things that BTs have contributed to the Frum lifestyle. Like manners, healthy eating, special education, etc.

While there is room for debate on whether the Frum community can attribute these "innovations" to BTs I am happy to give them the credit.

The article concludes by thanking the Frum community for showing them a way of life they love and appreciate.

I have two main points that I want to make in relation to this article.

1- The fake sales pitch the Frum From Birth Kiruv Rabbis spew.

2- The BTs reaction to the reality check.

I cannot stand the sales pitch that Frum people have no problems and Torah life is free from all social ills. It is simply not accurate. Please don't use it!

In fact, the Torah is a guidebook for flawed people. If people were able to just become perfect then the Torah would give us one time instructions to "fix" our flaws and then we would be good to go! But instead, the Torah gives us instructions to develop our character through Mitzva observance with specific tasks. Some tasks only come around once in a lifetime, or once every 50 years, or once every seven years, or once a year, or once a month, once a week, once a day, and even every second. The clear message is that we need constant work because humans will eventually fall.

The Talmud explicitly states: "Do not believe in yourself (righteousness) until the day you die". The human being is designed to fail without constant work and guidance.

I believe the honest sales pitch (and yes it is a sales pitch and that's okay) is: Humans are flawed, we all need guidance, the Torah provides guidance. Some of it is obvious, some of it is hidden, but we believe that the Torah lifestyle is a guide for life. If you want a guide, you can buy in. We are all trying to use the guide as best as we can and we feel our lives are more enriched by using the guide. Maybe you will too.

Perhaps more important is the reaction of the BT. I sent this email to Judd Magilnick, a Pacific Jewish Center board member and he offered some great insight.

First, many "not yet" BTs back off from greater commitment by rationalizing that they saw a Frum person who lacked derech eretz (common courtesy). Judd says this is the Yetzer Hara talking but Frum folks need to realize that they are being judged and should act accordingly.

I once heard that R' Moshe Feinstein asked why we ask in Ahava Rabba that Hashem give us the ability to understand, listen to and teach Torah. Should the teaching part be reserved for teachers and rabbis? Why does everyone say it? And R' Moshe answers that we are all teachers. We are teaching others about how the Torah wants us to behave every time we act.

Judd's next point was even better. Why should an impious Frum person affect one's opinion of Torah? The analogy is if one sticks his wet finger in a socket he is going to get a shock. That doesn't indicate a flaw in elecricity! And like electricity Torah has the power to do great good and it also has the power to cause ill. It depends on its user.

So (potential) BTs, if you can use Torah for good why would you let it bother you that someone else is abusing it? One has nothing to do with the other!

As a Rabbi in shul of mostly BTs and potential BTs I hear this kind of rhetoric often. "If he's a Frum person he shouldn't do X or Y etc". It is disheartening but I have one response.

I always quote Rabbi Wein: "Don't judge Judaism by its Jews".

Additionally, I don't pitch anything other that learning more Torah and experiencing a Shabbos meal. One should make their personal decisions based on an informed view that can only come from one's own study. The Shabbos meal is just to make it a little more personal and less abstract. That's all.

So, I am looking for insight, do people really judge Torah by its Jews?

Is there an "accurate" (non-cynical) sales pitch?

Anything else in the original column that struck you?

Search for more information about Baalei Teshuva at4torah.com.