Thursday, July 23, 2009

Memo to my fellow Jews

Attention Fellow Jews

Going without meat is not a hardship.

I hate to say it, but those of you whining about how tough the Nine Days are on your poor precious stomachs sound spoiled rotten.

There's plenty of good food to eat that isn't meat. Fish, for instance. And eggs. And pasta. And vegetables. And best of all, there's always ice cream or cheese cake for desert. So kwtcherbellyachin'

That is all.

Anticipated Objections and My Replies

"Real men need meat!"
Pathetic. A real man survives in the wilderness on bugs and rain water he slurps off leaves. Stuffing your face with processed beef isn't masculine. It's soft and weak.

"Whah, whah. I'm lactose intolerant!"
Fish isn't dairy. Pasta isn't dairy.

"Ick fish? Fish stinks."
Not if its fresh it doesn't stink. People who don't like fish, deserve about as much sympathy as do people who don't like sex, scotch and rock and roll.

"What are you? Gay?"
Dahlink, gay men LOVE meat

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