Some new Ani Maamins for these trying and spiritually deficient times

Got nothing, so how about a rehash?

Some new Ani Maamins for these trying and spiritually deficient times

Attention all Jews who are meticulously careful to repeat the 13 Ani Maamins each and every day. You are koferim. Heretics. Deficient in belief. Spiritual Pygmies.

Perhaps 13 fundamentals were enough for our ancestors, but we live in more challenging times. Therefore, following the excellent advice acquired here, I firmly suggest that you add the following affirmations to your daily devotions:

- I firmly believe the world in exactly 5767 years old. [*] [1]
- I firmly believe that the sun, moon and planets revolve around the earth. [1]
- I firmly believe that the Mediterranean Sea is the largest body of water (hence it's name "yam hagadol").
- I firmly believe that Eretz Yisroel is higher than all other lands, including Mount Everest [1]
- I firmly believe that there are six planets
- I firmly believe that there are 4 elements [1]
- I firmly believe that lice do not come from eggs [1]
- I firmly believe that the moon generates its own light, and does not merely reflect the sun.
- I firmly believe that there was a flood that covered the entire earth.
up. [1]
- I firmly believe that the moon landing was a fraud, because there is a bible verse which suggests space travel is impossible. [1]
- I firmly believe that no animal species will ever go extinct. [1]
- I firmly believe global warming is a hoax, not because I've studied the science, but because a bible verse suggests the climate won't ever change. [1]
- I firmly believe men are smarter then women, because there's a lone passage in the Talmud attributed to one Sage which seems to make this claim. [1]

Laughing? Stop. These are genuine Haredi beliefs.

[*] Any Rishon who suggested otherwise was a kofer.
[1] I know actual people who believe this.