Thursday, July 05, 2012

Five Kosher Joints Guy Fieri Should Visit

What a splash he'd make at Gotliebs
The other day, I complained that Guy Fieri hasn't brought his show to any kosher joints. Since then two things have happened: (1) One guy left a message on the thread insisting that Guy has visited two different (kosher or kosher style?) delis. Anyone have a link to the video?; and (2) A whole bunch of you have sent in names of kosher joints you claim are at least the equal of any of the high quality low-end joints Guy loves.

So, in the name of the Jewish people, I've reproduced the list below and hereby extend to Guy Fieri a warm and cordial invitation to stop in.

GOTLIEB'S: (Williamsburg) This is the ultimate kosher dive. The decor hasn't been updated since the civil war, and rekel-bedecked men sit side-by-side at cafeteria tables. But, oh my god, the chicken. Cholent is also on the menu, and its credible.

KOSHER BITE (Baltimore) They fry a chicken like nobody's business, but like virtually every kosher place in the world, the Bite tries to be all things to all people. Along with burgers and chicken they also serve sushi and Israelis specialties. Mister Broadway, in Manhattan, makes the same mistake.

MECHEL'S (Monsey) I've seen people roll their eyes back into their heads discussing Mechel's yapchik, but more than that I can't tell you. No website.

KEN'S (Chicago) Hands down the best kosher burger in the world. Plus bonus points to Ken's  for knowing they are a burger joint, and not trying to be anything more than a burger joint. If Kens came to NY the menu would be corrupted with cholent and other inauthenticies.

JEFF'S GOURMET SAUSAGE (LA) Everything there is made in-house and its all delicious. A proof the place works is that the clientele is mostly non-Orthodox, though the hechsher is holiest of the holy.

Biblioteca reveals the problem with kosher joints

The main problem with kosher restaurants is that you can't find one that does just ONE type of cuisine. The pizza place has french fries and falafel and sushi. Can't just make pizza. Can't just make Italian food. The Chinese place makes sushi. The deli makes burgers and schwarma and chinese food. The middle eastern place makes matzah ball soup.

You only find these bizarre combinations in the crappiest restaurants. Even the vast majority of crappy non-kosher places have the common sense not to mix up their cuisines too much.

The kosher places are hell-bent on doing not just one type of cuisine terribly, but at least 3 or 4.

What do you expect? Clientele that don't know any better and are trapped buying this garbage for high prices if they ever want to eat out and want a place they can feed every member of their family whatever they happen to want at that moment. Restaurant owners just out to make a buck over customers who constantly complain, rabbis/mashgiachs who charge a fortune, and sky-high food costs. It's a race to the bottom.

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