If not a ban, perhaps takanos? [prohibitions, or decrees]
The other day some of put our imaginations to work and came up with a set of takanos we fear the Agudah might issue at their Big Blog Meeting this week. They follow:
1 - Thou shalt kill the messanger
2 - If the messanger is anonymous, thou shalt kill his methods and tactics.
3 - Thou shalt not question
4 - Thou shalt refer to every Jew as Rav, every shul rabbi as HaRav, every Rosh Yeshiva as HaRav HaGaon, every Christian minister as "our good friend" and every modern orthodox so-called rabbi as "that guy"
5 - Comments are to be deleted
6 - If a leftie Jew did it: KILL KILL KILL. If a rightwing Christian did it: SPIN SPIN SPIN
7 - He who does not support likud shall be construed as an anti-semite.
8 - Thou shalt denigrate poor people who rely on state handouts and occasionaly riot in the streets - unless they wearblack hats, in which case, thou shalt feel free to spin.
9 - Any statement by any Rishon that can be construed to undermine the most maximalistic possible interpretation of the Rambam's 8th ikkar shall be suppressed or attributed to a renegade student.
1 - If a poster is revealed as a woman, thou shalt disparage her ability to understand Torah
2 - Thou shalt strongly oppose poor people who are non-Jews no matter what the color of their skin.
3 - Thou shalt strongly support rich people who are non-Jews, no matter the color color of their hats.
1. The Gay Parade shall be referred to as 'The Abominable Parade', Gay people as 'The Abominable People' and gay creatures made out of frozen water as 'The Abominable Snowmen'.
2. Evolution shall be referred to as 'The So Called 'Theory' of Evolution'.
3. Science shall be referred to as 'Goyish, Atheistic "So Called" Science' and Scientists as 'Goyish, Atehistic, "So Called" Scientists' , except when a scientist attempts to prove the Bible is true, in which case he is to be referred to as a 'World famous expert'.
4. Thou shalt aid in covering up all scandals, defamation and other bad things spread about organizations whose sterling image we wish to support at all times, never mind whether or not it's true
5. Thou shalt aid in exposing all scandals, defamation and other bad things spread about organizations whose sterling image we wish to destroy at all times, never mind whether or not it's true
6. If a Chareidi Rav is implicated in a sex scandal, though shalt judicously ignore it, except if someone snitches to the police, in which case thou shalt condemn the snitcher in the strongest possible way.
7. If a so called 'Rabbi' from Reform, Conservative or LW MO community is implicated in a sex scandal, or even better, an atheist, thou shalt use it as an opportunity for some snide remarks about how only Torah True Jews can be moral, since only we possess the ultimate guide to objective morality.
1 - Thou shalt oppose homosexual sex except when (verbally) [deleted] Christian ministers.
2 - Thou shalt delete DovBear's comments.
3 - Thou shalt drop the names of famous Christian ministers.
Thou shalt condemn as sinful and disgusting books thou hast not read and movies thou hast not viewed.