Machine Matzah

by @azigra

There is a debate as old as matza machines about the kosher for Passover status of their products. Many people believe they are chometz while some believe they are less likely to be chometz than hand made ones. The reason being that there is less chance for human error when a perfectly engineered machine runs its course. Some people only use hand made during the Seder but use machine ones during the rest of holiday, while others specifically use machine matza at the Seder for the reasons stated above (ie students of Telz yeshiva.)

I have no opinion on the matter, other than being sure machine matzos are kosher and I use them.

The Forward posted a video today of the Manischewitz Matzo factory machine like you would see on the TV show 'How it's Made'. After watching this, machine matzos seem inauthentic, and sterile, and corporate. I'll still eat them, but the idea of fulfilling an ancient custom with something produced in this way just seems off-putting to me now.


How to Make 31,000 Boxes of Manischewitz Matzo from Jewish Daily Forward on Vimeo.

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More great moments in Pesach price gouging

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On the one hand, give Mister Hoffman credit for dreaming up this new and original way to rip off his coreligionists; on the other hand tear kriah for the morons who will buy it. 

For the British-impaired, I am told the price in real money is about a buck-fifty.

HT: ‏@yhbrooklyn

SEE OTHER GREAT MOMENTS IN PESACH PRICE GOUGING

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Korporate Kosher

by @azigra
I copied this Passover shopping list from the blog of HS Milner which I searched for after hearing a debate in my office about whether milk really needs to be certified as kosher for Passover.

My initial gut feeling is that it of course doesn't, besides 100 years ago before the Kosher Mafia existed there were certainly no certifications on most things that have them today. When you purchase a container for Kosher for Pesach sugar, for example, you just know that someone just poured Domino® Sugar into a different box with their own label.

Here is the list; some items obviously do need certification, ie matza, but I've decided to leave the list intact. 

* Do you think all of these items need to be certified? * Would you purchase any of these items without certifications? * How did your grandparents keep a kosher home on Passover without the OU?

Full list after the jump:

The Somewhat Complete DovBear Pesach Collection

How the Passover laws changed (Part 1)

Why the Passover laws changed (Part 2)

More on boiling the Passover offering

A Torah True History of Quinoa on Passover

Quinoa on Pesach 2.0

Why I Don't Eat Kitniyot On Pesach

Passover Psychology

Miriam's Cup
I had never heard of Miriam’s Cup at the seder before and I set out to find out what it means, is it feminist, conservative, reform, or modern orthodox? by HSABOMILNER

Passover Purchases

Pesach and Wasting Food

Great moments in Price Gouging

Chaval Siddur Pesach

Why we think we were redeemed in the merit of keeping out names? ...

Eating matzah on Erev Pesach
(One who eats matzah on the eve of Passover is like one who has intimate relations with his bride-to-be in his [future] father-in-law's home. ) ...

Pesach 1865: What Jews did when Lincoln was shot

Why do we read the vision of the valley dry bones on the Shabos of Chol Hamoed?

NYT hearts Matzo

Wanted: special chumros for Pesach
My daughter came home from school yesterday with an unusual homework project. She has to write down a special chumra we do for Pesach.

Fun facts(?) to know and tell about Pesach
Aside for the one about Coke, I have absolutely no idea if these are true...

Pesach Gripes

Dear Jews: McDonalds would like to spend Pesach with you

How to run a Seder
A seder is primarily a teaching tool. Everyone present should be prepared to learn and to teach, to share something brief but brilliant, and to listen patiently when it's the other fellows turn. So long as this rule is followed, the more snippets the better. This chatter is part of the charm of the seder. I couldn't imagine doing without it.

Was the first matzo kosher l'pesach?

Charoset: The Untold True Story
My theory on Charoset is that it was either an ordinary condiment or a year-round treat in the ancient world.

This is not a complaint about my wife

On baseball in general and Pesach in particular

Go get some g'broks!

Whe we really eat matzoh and bitter herbs (maybe)

The sixty-second seder

Scenes from the Kneidel fressing contest

I have an imitation bagel. It's called a matzo

How did they sit at the first korbon pesach?

Defending the diaspora's second day of Yom Tov

The Seder is a Modified Symposia
The rituals and forms of the Seder are very similar to the forms of the symposia, a type of Greek banquet which was wildly popular in the ...

Seder wrap up
No brushing your teeth on seder night. Otherwise the taste of the matzah might not last until morning. (What about the last two cups of wine?)

Why was Rabbi Akiva's Seder different from all others?
Something was definitely up in Benai Brak

Eggs at the Seder
Many Seders serve eggs at the start of Shulchan Orech. Reasons and lessons of this custom are varied and numerous.

Maror in the middle
If your plate  is like 999 out of 1000 it's arranged with the maror in the middle, but did you know that this arrangement is not the one originally used 

Great Idea

A Guest Post By E. Fink

Here in Los Angeles we are inundated with billboards. No one likes them, but the frum community is especially sensitive to ads that are too explicit or even too suggestive for our tastes.

In the past, when a particularly nefarious billboard was put up in the frum neighborhoods, the community would organize petitions and stage mass call-ins to have the billboards changed. I wrote about it on this blog last year: Offensive Billboards

Recently, Baron Herzog has started a campaign on some Los Angeles billboards. I understand that they have a similar campaign in New York. While I find the ads cringeworthy for the most part, it spawned an idea in my head.

The frum community should buy all the ad space in the frum neighborhood and use the space to post (clean) ads for frum businesses and events! Instead of trying to regulate the ads with political or social pressure, we should just use the billboards for ourselves. This would avoid the discomfort that some may have with imposing our morals on the community. It's the ultimate Capitalist solution!

Here's the latest Baron Herzog billboard:

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Israeli embassy celebrates Obama's visit with pointless new video

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The Israeli embassy has released a Jib-Jab type video to celebrate President Obama's visit to Israel.

See it here:



The only reason I can see to make such a video is to bait idiot RWers. I can relate to such a desire of course. In fact, that's why I've put the video on my own blog. But otherwise? Non crazy people already know Israel and the US are (still) BFFs. And the video itself is barely entertaining. No jokes. No wit. No send ups. So what was the point? It doesn't even work as a suck-up move.

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Pesach diets

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This is so dumb it drools. Ashkenazim can eat meat, chicken, fish,  fruit, (many) vegetables, eggs, and matzo (which is good!) The only thing in my regular diet that I can't eat on Pesach are rice, bread (whole wheat) and pasta. Otherwise, its the same food.

 Here's a perfectly good menu for a weekday:

Breakfast:

Eggs, hash browns, coffee

Lunch:

Yogurt

Soup (tomato, potato, vegetable)

Maybe a piece of fish.

Salad, as you like it. 

Dinner:
Stir fried chicken (mix it with broccoli or cauliflower) 

Potatoes, as you like them 

Salad, as you like it. 

See what I mean? This is how I eat even when it isn't Pesach. So what's the problem?

Now, those of you who suffer on Pesach get no sympathy from me because its self-inflicted. The people with problems from matzo constipation simply aren't eating enough vegetables. Add some carrots, cucumbers and tomatoes to your diet and your troubles will disappear. 

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The Frummest Yeshiva

by @azigra

The NYT is reporting today that a massive fraud perpetrated by Island Child Development Center, a provider of special education services to preschoolers with disabilities, has been uncovered by auditors:

After subpoenaing more than 13,000 checks from the agency’s bank, auditors said they gave up counting after the first 1,549 checks they reviewed turned up $5.8 million in what they said was fraudulent spending over a six-year period when Island Child billed the state and the city more than $27 million.

The particular local yeshiva involved is Bnos Bais Yaakov in Far Rockaway:

Yet Island Child, in Far Rockaway, Queens, paid nearly $2 million to Bnos Bais Yaakov, a nearby school for Orthodox Jewish girls, of which the auditors said Rabbi Samuel Hiler, the assistant executive director of Island Child, is both dean and an owner. Another $877,000 went to various Jewish summer camps, two of them tied to Mr. Hiler, and more than $330,000 in nonpayroll checks went to Mr. Hiler himself, the auditors said. 

I make no claims as to the culpability of  Island Child Development Center,  Bnos Bais Yaakov, or Rabbi Samuel Hiler. They are all innocent unless proven guilty and perhaps they deserve the benefit of the doubt. 

 Bnos Bais Yaakov of Far Rockaway,
image via Google Maps

When I read this story I was reminded of the time my parents were searching for a High School to send my younger sister to. Of the schools close to home the options were few, TAG, Bnos Bais Yaakov, and one other which was in the basement of the local Young Israel. My mother rejected the YI school since she had gone to Bais Yaacov of Pelham Parkway which was also in a basement and she didn't want that dark and dusty experiences for my sister. When they met with reps from Bnos Bais Yaakov they were told that no girl would be accepted to the school if there is a television at home. 

It wasn't a question of American Idol versus a better education for my sister. It was my parents weltanschauung versus that of the Charedi guys who ran the school. The cloistered, closeted, cave dwelling life of the TV-less just wasn't what my parents wanted for their family. 

The fellow referenced in the story above may be guilty of massive fraud, but we can be certain that he doesn't have a television at home. Let's make sure he gets an aliya this shabbos. 

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YU Torah Editorializes the Title of a Shiur

A Guest Post By E. Fink

On Friday, Rabbi Efrem Goldberg posted his Chumash class on YUTorah.org. He tweeted the link with its title. He called the class "A Rabbi (talmid chacham) who lacks common sense is worse than a carcass". The tweet is here for your reference:

A Rabbi (talmid chacham) who lacks common sense is worse than a carcass tinyurl.com/d7x9axx
— Rabbi Efrem Goldberg (@RabbiGoldberg) March 14, 2013

If you click the link today, it will take you to the same class, however now it sports a brand new title. The shiur is now called "Common Courtesy with Common Sense". The URL still has the old branding, or at least part of it. As you can see here:

<http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/791650/Rabbi%20Efrem%20Goldberg/Vayikra:%20Don%27t%20Be%20a%20Talmid%20Chacham%20Who%20Lacks%20Common%20Sense#>.

Curious. I wonder if anything might have happened over the weekend that influenced the change in title? Hmm...

HT: Withheld

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In a Jewish Bookstore: Read this 1878 account of a visit to a Jewish store. #David #Brooks

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It feels wrong to continue beating this particular dead horse now that both Avi Shafran and Yaakov Menken have pronounced the David Books article about Pomegranate as being entirely without flaw. But I did want you to see what the piece might have looked like had Brooks, you know, done a good job.

After the jump, you can see a description of a visit to a Jewish bookstore from an 1878 edition of Harper's Magazine.

* 1878! Not to go off tangent, but I hope the Hungarians who think they colonized the new word for Torah Judaism after 1950 read this and comes to a new understanding about pre-war American Judaism. 

Though the Harpers write-up has its own flaws, of course, the writer avoided all of Brook's mistakes. In particular, he tells his readers what he saw, without extrapolating it to define every Jew in the world. Also, the Harper's man doesn't try to draw any lessons or morals. He just paints a word picture, and let's the description stand on its own merits. Brooks, on the other hand, drew lessons, none of them correct. 

* Though as S has said: "Brooks didn't see anything. He didn't see Jewish Flatbush. He was blindfolded, pushed against an elephant, told to touch it, and Meir Soloveitchik told him what it was he was touching"

Great Comment from MarkSofla: "[From 1878 to 2013] we went from being people of the book to people of the fress"

RIP Allan Gould

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A Guest Eulogy/Plug by G.A.

As a child, I was enthralled by my copy of The Unorthodox Book of Jewish Records & Lists by Allan Gould and Danny Siegel. For those who are not familiar with this book, or who are unwilling to fork out the $0.01 plus shipping it currently sells for, it is a spoof containing such items as “The Greatest One-Liner Guilt Trips Laid on a Jewish Child by his Mother,” “The Largest Matza Ball in History,” and “Famous Jewish Mountain Climbers” (Answer: None—A man could get killed!). I was too young to articulate what satire or parody was, or to situate this work in the canon of Jewish humor  but it was crystal clear to me that this dog-eared book (signed by Mr. Gould, no less!) was a work of utter genius. So many of the mechanics that make funny funny—recurring jokes, inside humor  send-ups, irreverence—were being executed with subject matter that belonged to me, and I slept with this book next to my bed.

Years passed, the book was misplaced, and I recently spotted a copy on my wife’s parents’ bookshelf. This one was signed by the other author, and I took this as a sign that I should immediately steal the book, which I did. In the intervening years, I had become a fan and amateur practitioner of humour (i.e. too shy to talk to girls), read Israel Davidson’s Parody in Jewish Literature (1907) cover to cover, and passed by Allan Gould’s house about a hundred times, wanting to knock on the door, express my appreciation, and have him marvel at my wit and collaborate with me on a series of screenplays that would take us to the Academy Awards, where we would leave a trail of laughter and admiration down the red carpet (he lives on my walk to Shul; I am not a stalker).

I never knocked on that door, and Allan passed away suddenly of a brain aneurysm at 68. In tribute to him, I dedicate my twitter feed (twitter.com/orthodiction), reproduced below. People sometimes characterize rain at funerals as the heavens crying, but any inclement weather on February 22nd was no doubt the result of the belly-laughs of a thousand angels.

ASKAN [ass-can] (n): Community activist tasked with ensuring that Rabbinical leaders meet annual ban quotas.

GET (n): Divorce document purchased by wife’s parents from husband following dissolution of marriage.

HECHSHER (n): Rabbinic certification that a bottle of spring water is Kosher, Parve, and may be consumed on Passover.

HISHTADLUS (n): Effort, esp. in the context of earning a living. Includes tax fraud, but not post-secondary education. See PARSHAS HAMAN.

KEFIRA (n): Position taken by Orthodox sect other than one's own.

KEZAYIS (n): Unit of measurement ranging in size from a large olive (when consuming Karpas) to a small watermelon (when consuming Matza).

MEKUBAL (n): Kabbalist; Mystic. Capable of foreseeing/influencing the future, yet mysteriously unable to use such gift to self-finance.

MIDRASH (n): Non-literal genre of Biblical exegesis which employs parable and metaphor for homiletic effect; cf. MEDRISH.

MEDRISH (n): Series of miraculous but true tales passed down through an unbroken chain of 2nd grade Rebbis and Parsha sheet illustrators.

PIDYON SHVUYIM (n): The utilization of scarce community resources for the purpose of keeping Orthodox felons on the streets.

PRITZUS (n): Lit. immodesty; One of the primary causes of natural disasters, most cancers, and other assorted misfortune. See also TOEVAH.

REB (n): Orthodox Jewish male above the age of nine.

SHEITEL (n): $3000 strawberry blonde hairpiece employed by Orthodox women to preserve short matted hair for their husbands' sole viewing.

TEHILIM (n): Compilation of Jewish techno and pop lyrics circa 930 BCE.

YESHUA (n): On-demand divine intervention granted in exchange for charitable donation in multiple of 18. See KUPAT HAIR.
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Here's Gershom Gorenberg destroying David Brooks

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Hogan's Heroes was a straightforward,
accurate depiction of life in
German POW camps

Well, first, of course, Avi Shfran has read David Brook's propaganda tour of Orthodox Jewish Brooklyn and pronounced it good, saying: 

All in all, [it is] a straightforward, accurate depiction of the community and its values

Uh huh. And Hogan's Heroes was a straightforward, accurate depiction of life in German POW camps.

We'll let Gershom Gorenberg deal with this: (if this sounds familiar, its because I made some of the same points, only in less elegant, less professional language)

A self-absorbed DovBear discussion about the new pope and what it means to him

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So, the Catholics have a new pope. The first thing I'd like to understand is why do I care? Why did we glue ourselves to the Twitter and the Facebook and the CNN Live Feed waiting to see which elderly, white, possibly closeted homosexual, would appear on the balcony? Did we have a rooting interest or something? Makes no sense.

The second thing I'd like to understand is why the Catholics are trying to ruin this blog. What am I supposed to carp about now that they have elected a nonEuropean pope who is using a brand new Papal name, a name that references a guy who was not especially evil. I mean I had a great "I can't believe he's calling himself Pius" post all written in my head and everything. Also, unlike Ratzinger who looked like Palpatine's more evil twin, this fellow has a somewhat genial expression so good luck finding funny photos. Hashmark grumble. 

Aside: Wonkette has dubbed Ratzinger "quitterPope" which, because God is awesome, will totally catch on.  

Double Aside: Thanks to the new guy being from Beunos Aeres I suppose we could do something on the ratline and how the Vatican did more to save Nazis and Wannabe Nazis then it did to save Jews, but Pontiff Frank was like eight years old when that was going on. Blaming him for that would be like blaming the Weathermen on Barak Obama and we are not Sarah Palin or Tea Party whackjobs here.

Finally, the third thing I'd like to know is when did the Catholics go all communist? Here's something the new guy said, as per Wonkette who ripped it off from the National Catholic Reporter:

“We live in the most unequal part of the world, which has grown the most yet reduced misery the least,” Bergoglio said during a gathering of Latin American bishops in 2007. “The unjust distribution of goods persists, creating a situation of social sin that cries out to Heaven and limits the possibilities of a fuller life for so many of our brothers.”

Also, Rabbi Fink deposited the following quote on our FB:

"In our ecclesiastical region there are priests who don't baptize the children of single mothers because they weren't conceived in the sanctity of marriage," Bergoglio told his priests. "These are today's hypocrites. Those who clericalize the Church. Those who separate the people of God from salvation. And this poor girl who, rather than returning the child to sender, had the courage to carry it into the world, must wander from parish to parish so that it's baptized!" 

Bergoglio compared this concept of Catholicism to the Pharisees of Christ's time: people who congratulate themselves while condemning others.

OK, using Pharisee as a pejorative isn't exactly music to a Jew's ears but the other stuff is fine. (Unless you are a Right Winger who hates poor people in which case: suck it)

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Habemus Papam!

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Hope its a black guy. Seeing RW heads explode makes me giggle.

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What was your Emperor's New Clothes moment?

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But he has nothing on...

For some, Avi Shafran's new blog might be considered an Emperor's New Clothes moment. After all, he had been the Jewish world's chief demonizer of blogs and bloggers and now he's become one himself. So much for the complaints and teeth gnashing.  Like the cheers of the spectators who admired their stark naked leader in the Hans Christian Anderson tale, Avi's anti-blog grumbling seems to have been rooted in something other than reality. When he next goes to war against someone or something, will we be able to trust him?

"Sneering cynicism. Self-glorification in the guise of advocacy. Ostentatious observance cloaking rank jealousy. “Democracy” in the pursuit of evil ends. Haughtiness pretending to the selfless pursuit of justice and truth. What do all those things bring to mind?... Much of the “Orthodox Jewish” blogosphere. - Korach@ blogspot.com by Avi Shafran, June 26, 2012

For others, the Orthodox Union's Pesach ban on quinoa, a Peruvian berry, might have been an ENC moment. Silly us for thinking kashrus is determined by the consistant application of clear rules. Silly us for thinking (because that's what we were told) that kitniyus is a non-grain item that once upon a time was routinely mixed with grains. Now it turns out that kitniyus is whatever the man with the kosher stamp says it is. And try not to laugh too loudly at the alleged reason* as you shop this year for Pesach approved noodles, crackers and cookies.

* “[we] can’t certify quinoa because it looks like a grain and people might get confused" - the OU as reported by @azigra

My first ENC moment came several years ago when the leadership pronounced its ban on Natan Slifkin. Nothing in his books was new. All of it was based on, or copied from (with proper cites) our Rishonim. The fact that they banned him anyway suggested the leadership didn't know this or, more likely, didn't care. Matters were made worse when we found out that the Rabbis who signed the ban hadn't even read his books, and that the ban itself had been engineered by a pair of common criminals. Like the crowds in the Anderson story, I'd previously clapped and cheered and even sought to justify whatever our emperors said and did. After Slifkin, they no longer had my trust when it came to matters of policy because I could no longer be certain of their motives or of their process.

Want to hear irony? I've been among RNS's #1 supporters, and his no holds barred, smash the shiboleths approach to rabinincs has been a model for some of my own blogging. Yet, as per the blog scuttlebutt, he capital "H" hates me.* No good deed goes unpunished and choose your intellectual exemplars carefully, I guess. 

* We misspoke. He does not hate me, and has written to tell me this. Apologies.

Ok, enough about me. What was your ENC moment?


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Great Moments in Wig Marketing

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From the current Mishpacha

This is a wonderful development, by the way. For ages, scolds have complained that certain wigs make Jewish women look like hookers.*

* In fact, as Tesyaa reminds us, back in 2007 someone was selling a wig called The Pretty Woman that s/he claimed was "inspired by the motion picture" which was, of course, the story of a prostitute.

Well, those days are over. With a Madam on her head,  she can look like she runs the brothel instead.

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Let's send Ratzinger off in style

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Quite by accident I stumbled across a post from 2006 (AKA back when no one read this blog) in which I put my finger directly on the modern church's greatest sin: Holocaust usurpation.

Here's what Ratzinger said at Auschwitz-Birkenau on May 28, 2006

"By destroying Israel, by the Shoah, they ultimately wanted to tear up the taproot of the Christian faith and to replace it with a faith of their own invention: faith in the rule of man, the rule of the powerful"

So in case you were unsure, the Holocaust was all about them. To drive home this point,. the Pope greeted 32 Auschwitz survivors after his speech. 31 of them were Polish Catholics. Also: Remember Edith Stein


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