The great Fred McDowell posted this on Facebook and asked for a Jewish version. Over 350 examples were provided. As you might expect, most were quite bad, but some were rather good.
Some of the better ones:
Hillel: Ess, bubbeleh. The rest is commentary.
Yeshayahu Liebowitz: One should not enjoy his donut on Chanukah, also there was no Chanukah, but one eats a donut because it is commanded.
Mordechai Breuer: It appears that there are many different brands of donuts, but there's really one baker making all of them.
GSUFYO: "does anyone know if Conservative Jews eat donuts? Just asking.
update: I didn't mean to offend."
RSR Hirsch: the word donut is derived from the aramaic דו and the English "not", thus symbolizing the refusal of the Jewish people to accept anything but monotheism.
Reb Shlomo: Let me tell you a deep gevaldige story about Duvid'l the donut..
David Rosenthal Why Cronuts are not Donuts
R Eliyahu Fink Why a donut? Because it's so nice to eat on the beach, and appreciate God's goodness in giving us beaches and donuts.
Dov Bear: The donut recipe in Braishis Rabba is actually a poor rip-off from a Greek recipe for English Muffins.
Here are my contributions
Avi Shafran: Sure, those anti donut bloggers would have you believe donuts are unhealthy but really they are more nutritious than kale
Pruzansky: Most of the time, when a donut gets eaten, it's the donut's own fault for going out wearing sprinkles and frosting
Menken: Women who eat donuts aren't doing it because they are hungry. They're doing it because they want to destroy yidishkite
Gordimer: I find my donuts less tasty if I think that someone, somewhere is eating one in a newfangled way.
YWN: BREAKING YWN EXCLUSIVE Donut visits sleep away camp!
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