Tzu Vemen, Tzu Vemen!

... among the baynonim.

... among the renegades.

Wouldn't it be a hoot if they belonged to the same shul?

The Complete Thresa OOOPs list

A collection of THK idiocies, gaffes and goofs. Heinzisms?

Yes, but how did he wipe?

Martin Luther left a candid catalogue of his endless battle with constipation; no doubt he though deeply about the Church and his reformation while in the midst of squatting. Now archeologists have found his toilet.

No, we're not making this up.

Memo from DovBear to Haredi Yeshivos: Teach English!

Hey! There's no crying in baseball.

Ok, here's the money quote, but trust DovBear. It is one of hundreds just like it:

Quote: Win it for Johnny Pesky, who deserves to wear a Red Sox uniform in the dugout during the 2004 World Series. Mr. Henry, the trophy needs to be presented first of all to him.

Sure, if you want me to be reduced to a quivering heap of emotional goo, go right ahead.You're a beautiful man, Jack. Someone hand these Bosox fans a tissue.

The end of Aidel Maidel?

She's posted just three time since September 29, and in her last message told us to "go leave me alone." Shall we ready the fork? Is Aidel done?

Halacha != Aggada (sources)

1 - I know it is possible that you will seek and find words of individuals from among the scholars of truth, our Rabbis, peace be upon them, in the Talmud and in the Mishnah and in the Midrashot, that indicate that at the time of a person’s birth the stars caused such and such. This should not be difficult in your eyes; for it is improper that we should abandon operative Halakhah and go about [seeking] objections and resolutions. And likewise, it is inappropriate for a person to abandon words of sense, whose proofs have already been verified, and empty one’s hands of them, and rely upon the words of a [solitary] individual from among the Sages, peace be upon them, when it is possible that something was overlooked by him at that time or that those words contain an allusion or [that] he said them at the moment [based upon] an incident that took place. --Iggerot ha-Rambam, II, 488

2 - ...if the words of the ancient [Sages] contradict the intellect, we are not obliged to accept them. -- R. Yehudah ben Bilam of Toledo, commentary on Sam. I,ch. 28 (cited in OHG, “Teshuvot al Hagigah 4b) quoting Rabbi Shemu’el ben Hofni

3 - And it is impossible for us to believe in the veracity of a matter for whose negation there are corroborations, only because some of the ancient [Sages] said it. Indeed, it is necessary that we contemplate the matter with our intellect. If a proof may be found for its veracity, we shall accept it. If there comes corroboration for its possibility, we shall believe in it as something possible. And if it is found to be impossible, we shall regard it as impossible. --Perush ha- Torah le-Rabbi Shemu’el ben Hִofni

4 - Aggadah is every explanation that comes in the Talmud regarding any matter that is not a mizvah. This is Aggadah; and you should learn from it only what arises in the mind.… What [the Sages] interpreted in [Scriptural] verses is [for] each one according to what occurred to him and what he saw in his mind. And according to what arises in the mind from these interpretations, one learns it; and one does not rely upon the rest. --R. Shemu’el ha-Naggid’s Mevo ha-Talmud

5 - One should not rely upon Aggadah and Midrash, even though they are written in the Talmud, if they are unattuned or erroneous. For our principle is: One does not rely upon the Aggadah. Rather, what is fixed in the Talmud, [in] which we find [the means] to remove its error and reinforce it — we should do so; for, if it had no basis, it would not have been fixed in the Talmud. And what we do not find a way to clear of its error — becomes like matters that [do] not [accord with the] Halakhah. [With] what is not fixed in the Talmud, we need not [do even] this much. Rather, one ponders it; if it is correct and becoming, one expounds it and teaches it; and, if not, we pay it no attention. --Sefer ha-Eshkol

6 - Words of Aggadah are not like a tradition; rather, everyone expounds what arises in his heart — like ‘it is possible’ and ‘one may say’ — not a decisive statement. Therefore, one does not rely upon them. --Chai Gaon

7 - ...words of Aggadah, to draw the heart of man ... if you desire — believe them; and if you do not desire — do not believe them, for no law is determined based upon them. --R. Yehִ i’el ben Yosef of Paris, Sefer ha-Vikuahִ

8 - We have a third book called Midrash, meaning sermons. It is just as if the bishop would rise and deliver a sermon, and one of the listeners whom the sermon pleased recorded it. With regard to this book [of sermons], if one believes in it, it is well and good; if one does not believe in it, he will not be harmed [spiritually] -Ramban, Disputation at Barcelona

9 - Consider also the more extreme attitude toward Aggadah ascribed by the Yerushalmi to the talmudic sage R. Ze‘ira, who branded aggadic works “books of divination,” “from which we understand nothing” definitive — urging his preeminent disciple, R. Yirmeyah, to avoid them altogether in favor of halakhic study (Yerushalmi Ma‘aserot 3:4)

10 - It is possible that some of [the stories in the Talmud and Midrash] were stated only in the manner of rhetorical invention [Heb. hamzִ a’at melizah], for some ethical or educational goal. And even if one says that the [apparently historical] stories of Avraham’s life with Terahִ and Nimrod in Ur Kasdim were a rhetorical invention — [we] shouldnot reject [that position] with two hands -- R. Samson Rephael Hirsch

Thanks to Chardal for providing me with an essay written by Rabbi Chaim Eisen which argues conclusivly that midrashim are not canonical. The sources cited above (along with many others) are all more or less verbatim from Rabbi Eisen's endnotes.

(PS: Dear Yus and Ed. Eat it XXOO DovBear)

Hakafa Bet or the Second Circuit Court of Appeals

another long and boring post by The Bray of Fundie

DB: This is not a post. Its just Bray's (mediocre) translation of a Ramban which discusses Azazel and relates to an argument Bray and I having on one of the threads. I don't know why he thinks anyone cares, or why he chose to inflict this tedium on the readership.
Click here to read Bray's (mediocre) translation of the Ramban. Otherwise just scroll down.

As I may have done a great disservice to the Ramban in yesterdays Ok, ad kan Azazel-palooza. thread, not merely by my inelegant translation but by breaking it up into many passages. It is too choppy to be understood. I now present it here unbroken and hopefully easier to read and follow. Color coding explained at the end:

"Whereas Rabbi Abraham (Ibn Ezra) is a discreet spirit who conceals matters, I am no peddler either to reveal his secret inasmuch as our (Talmudic era) sages have done so in many places.

In Bereshis Rabbah it says 'and the Goat will carry (upon itself)'-this is (refers to) Esav as it says 'behold my brother Esav is a hairy (i.e. goat-like) man'. 'all of their sins (avonoTAHM)' this is (refers to) the sins of the wholesome one (i.e. Yaakov) as it says 'and Yaakov was a Tahm=wholesome man'.

And this (the mechanism whereby the Azazel goat bears the sins of Yaakov away) is explicated in Pirkei D'Rebee Eliezer HaGadol : 'For this reason Samael (i.e. the Angel of desolation and chaos AKA Satan=the Prosecuting Attorney in the Court-on-High) was given a bribe on Yom Kippur so as not to negate the offering (of the Jewish People) as it says 'One lot for haShem and one lot for Azazel', the lot of the Holy blessed One for a burnt offering (Olah) and the lot of Ahzahzel as a sin offering goat and all of the sins of Israel are loaded upon it. As it says 'and the Goat will carry (upon itself)'.

"Samael (i.e. the Angel of desolation and chaos AKA Satan=the Prosecuting Attorney in the Court-on-High)" sees that no sin is found among them (the Jews) on Yom Kippur and says before the Holy Blessed One: 'Master of the Worlds you have one nation on earth that is akin to the ministering Angels in heaven. Both are barefoot. Both neither eat nor drink. Both are without knees (the Angels literally and the Jews by standing for all or most of the service). Both live together with their fellows in peace on Yom Kippur(the Jews had forgiven one another before YK began). Both are completely innocent of sin on YK.' And the Holy Blessed One hears the testimony of Israels prosecutor and is mekhaper on (atones for) the Altar and on the Temple and on the Kohanim and on all the congregated Nation as it says: 'and He will forgive the Holy etc.' end quote from this Agadah.

And behold it (the Agadah the PRE) informed us of it's name and its mechanism. (Unclear if he is referring to the Azazel Goat or to Samael). And this is the secret of the matter:

There were idolaters , those who served Elohim Akherim=Angels, who offered them sacrifices that were a savory aroma. As it says: 'and you have placed my oil and my incense and put it before them. My bread, as well, I have given you fine flour and oil and honey that I fed you and put it before them for a savory aroma and it will be (for them) saith haShem Elokim.'. And you must reflect in the scripture the Miqra (way that its written) and the tradition(way that its read). (i.e. it is ambiguous as to who is giving what to whom.)

Now behold the Torah completely forbade accepting their (the angels) power /elohus or rendering any service to them (i.e. idolatry) But The Holy Blessed One commanded that we send a goat on Yom Kippur to the wilderness, to the prince=Angel who has dominion over the places of desolation and destruction. And he (the goat) is a fitting (offering to) him for he (Samael) is his master and from an emanation of his potential/power comes chaos, destruction and desolation. for it is he who is the cause for the stars of swords, bloodshed, wars, quarrels, wounds, blows, alienation and destruction. And in general (this relates) to the constellation of redness=Mars. His (Samael Lord of Chaos') portion among the nations is Esav, heir of the sword and warmongering and among the animals it is the goats (seh-eerim and eezim). Demons fall within his portion/dominion as well. Called Mazeekin=destructive forces by our sages and Seh-eerim scripturally for/and so is he and his nation called; Say-ear

The intent of the 'sent goat' (i.e. the one L'Azazel) is not,khalila=heaven forfend, that we are offering him (Samael) a sacrifice rather it is to fulfill the will of our Creator who commanded us to do this (ritual). An allegory to explain (the difference) follows:

One of the King's subjects made a royal banquet in the Kings honor. Then the King commanded the banquet host 'Give a portion to my subject Mr. X.' In so doing the banquet host is not giving anything of his own to Mr. X and is certainly not trying to do Mr. X honor by serving him a portion. (In actuality) The host has given everything to the King and it is the King has sent a portion to his subject Mr. X with the banquet host serving as the Kings agent to do so. The King, loving the banquet host, intended to ingratiate the host to ALL the guests by having them ALL enjoy the banquet so that they, in turn, would praise the banquet host and not vilify/denigrate him.

and this (avoiding actual idolatry) is the reason for the lots. If the Kohen were to consecrate them (the two goats) verbally (by his own selection designating) one for HaShem and one for Azazel, then it would be as if he were serving Azazel and donating an offering to his (Azazel's )name. Instead he (the Kohen) set (standing) the two goats before HaShem at the opening of the Tabernacle as BOTH (goats) are gifts to HaShem and He, in turn gave to His servant (Samael)the portion which comes to him from HaShem.

While it is the Kohen casting the lots, it is HaShem who apportions them (i.e. determines the outcome of the lottery). This is akin to what it says: 'The lot is cast in the bosom but it's law/determination is from HaShem'. Even after the lottery the Kohen stood the goats up (again) before haShem to emphasize that BOTH goats are His and that are intent in sending one away to the wilderness is none other than to fulfill His will (i.e. to honor and serve HaShem)."

Blue= Ramban
Red= Bereshis Rabbah
Green= Pirkei D'Rebee Eliezer
Parenthesis= my own insertions to explain unfamiliar terms or to ease readability.

Schedule for Yôm Vayyôsha`

Another guest post by MAR GAVRIEL
[Originally posted Feb 27 2008. Backdated for convenience]

Just to clarify a point:

Lots of people seem to think that the practice of staying up all night, and doing what they think is called a "tikkun lel shavu'ot" or "tikkun leil shevues", is an old, widespread practice. In fact, although the practice of staying up all night is mentioned in the Zohar, and it is documented that Rav Yosef Qaro performed it, there was almost nobody performing this ritual until rather recently. And even when it did begin to become common, it wasn't the kind of lerning (and socializing) that goes in today's world. First of all, the תיקון ליל שבועות is not an activity, but a book. In the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, when it began to become popular to do a Shovu`ôs vigil, people used to mumble the words from this book, which contains the beginning and end of each sedro, each book of Na"ch, and each tractate of the Mishno. Symbolically, reciting this stuff represents the complete Torah, but mumbling this book is not exactly "lerning" in the typical sense. When I shrai about the fact that such few people today do the Yotzrôs and Kerôvôs in the davvening on Shovu`ôs morning, I often get the following reaction: "Well, people are tired, because they have been up all night, so they don't want to say that stuff in the morning, and just want to get to sleep." Um, if staying awake all night prevents them from reciting the stuff that Ashkenazzim have been reciting for 1500 years (since before they arrived in Ashkenaz!), then who says they have to stay up all night? The whole point of staying up all night is to prepare oneself to be in a numinous state for the davvening (and leyning of the Decalogue) in the morning. It's ass-backwards and idiotic to stay up all night, and then rush through the davvening and go to sleep.

So, do I support staying up all night on Shovu`ôs? Well, actually yes-- but for a different reason, namely, that I support staying up all night on EVERY Yôm Tôv, in order both to create a numinous feeling for the morning davvening, and to create a sense of comeradery and togetherness amongst my students and friends who stay with me for Yom Tov, while the rest of the world is asleep.

For example, here is a schedule for יום ויושע, the Seventh Day of Pesahh.

7:45 PM: `Arvis. (Yes, of course with פיוטי מעריב.) With minyen, at home.

8:10 PM: Finish `arvis. Come to table. Beginning of seider. Explain what is going on. If there are symbolic foods or objects on the table, explain a little about them. Introduce everyone at the table. (I must do research about whether any communities have symbolic foods for Yom Vayyôsha`.)

8:20 PM: The rav (that is I!) says:

Why is tonight a Yom Tov, and what does it signify? Let me read you a Rashi, on Exodus 14:5, based on a boraitho in סדר עולם רבה:

ויֻגד למלך מצרים. איקטורין שלח עמהם, וכיון שהגיעו לשלשת ימים שקבעו לילך ולשוב, וראו שאינן חוזרין למצרים, באו להגידו לפרעה ביום הרביעי, ובחמישי ובששי רדפו אחריהם, וליל שביעי ירדו לים. בשחרית אמרו שירה והוא יום שביעי שלפסח. לכך אנו קורין השירה ביום השביעי.

The rabbis calculated that the unexpected miracle (nēs) of the Splitting of the Sea took place tonight, on the seventh evening counting from Pesah, and that tomorrow morning is the commemoration of the spontaneous song of praise that our ancestors sang to God upon leaving the Sea. Unlike Pesah, which God planned in advance, and told the people how to prepare for it, tonight’s miracle was something entirely different. We will have much more to say about this later, but for now, let us sanctify the day, and in doing so we will be singing the first praise of God of the incoming holiday.

Another theme of this holiday, as was mentioned in the piyyutim this evening, is the Future Redemption, and the song that will be recited at that point in time. [If in Eretz Yisro’eil, have some focus on this theme over the course of tonight’s seider; if in Hu”l, this can wait until tomorrow night, for the relevant haftoro is leyned only on the second day of Yôm Vayyôsha`.]

8:25 PM: Note that we are not reciting the berokho שהחיינו וקיימנו in tonight’s Kiddush. Although today has its own aggadic and symbolic character, it is halakhically identical to the days of Hôl Hammô`eid that have preceded it, except that the issur melokho is broader on this day. We will have more to say about this tomorrow morning.

8:26 PM: Kiddush.

8:30 PM: Serve hors d’oeuvres at this point. If any of these are symbolic foods, have a talmid explain the symbolism.

8:35 PM: Read the הגדה לליל יום ויושע. (I still haven't compiled this, but it should consist of aggadic passages about the events leading up to the Splitting of the Sea.) This activity will be conducted as follows: we all read a paragraph in unison, then a designated talmid, who has prepared that pargraph in advance, translates and explains, and then, if relevant, the entire table joins in with questions and discussion. Then we read the next paragraph in unison.

9:53: Sing רחום אתה כי גאלת.

9:55 PM: Sing פעולות אֵ-ל מה נוראות.

9:57: Wash for mattzo. (This is going to take a few minutes, because of the large amount of people around the table.)

10:00 PM: Hammautzi.

10:05 PM: A talmid will give a vort about mattzo on the last six days of חג המצות. This could be an interesting shi`ur, with source sheets, mixing hilkheso and aggadto.

10:20 PM: Bring out the chicken/vegetable soup (which must contain carrots, parsnips, celery, onions, zucchini, cauliflower, and green pepper, and optionally may contain turnips). Make some corny line about how the items floating and sinking in the soup represent the various people and chariots which God shook around (וַיְנַעֵר) in the Sea.

10:40 PM: Bring out twelve kinds of alcohol for a shot. Make some corny line about how the twelve kinds of alcoholic drink represent the twelve passageways through which (according to the medrosh) God sent the twelve tribes in their march through the Sea. Have a talmid give a brief vort about the halakhic, liturgical, and ideological diversity that separates the various Jewish communities which together form kəlal yisro’eil.

10:50 PM: Bring out the fish. (Obvious connection to Yôm Vayyôsha`.)

11:00 PM: Bring out the meat, the various vegetable soufflés and kugels, and the vegetables.

11:40 PM: Bring out the fruit for dessert.

11:45 PM: Sing various zemirôs for YômVayyôsha`. (I need to do research about this.) Also, sing אדיר הוא, which is a zemer for the entire week.

12:05 AM: מים אחרונים. Bentshen. Of course, one individual is mautzi everyone else, but it would be cool for each individual to have his or her own כוס של_ברכה, as at the Pesah seider.

12:15 AM: After-broche: על הגפן ועל פרי הגפן.

12:16 AM: The rav (that is I!) gets up, strokes his holy beard, and explains what is going to happen next.

“We are now going to move over to the living room, for the next event on the schedule. The practice of staying up and lerning all night of Shovu`ôs is well known. However, less well known is the practice of reciting the “tikkun” on the night of Yôm Vayyôsha`. Yet this practice, too, is at least a few hundred years old, and possibly older. (I should do some research regarding this practice.) It seems to me that the purpose of each of the practices is the same: to create a numinous mentality when davvening shachrəs and hearing the awesome leynen of the following morning. Just like mattan tôro, Keri’as Yam Suf is a time of great revelation, when people can point and say זה אֵ-לי ואנווהו. However, I would like to remind you all that it is by no means an obligation to stay up all night on Yôm Vayyôsha`, just as there is no obligation to do so on the night of Shovu`ôs.

Tomorrow morning’s davvening should be a very moving experience. Although the actual words of the liturgy will follow Nôsach Ashkenaz, we shall be following the custom of the community of Djerba to davven at the crack of dawn, by the shore of the sea. [[If in Manhttan, this is easy—go to Riverside Park, alongside the Husdon River. If in Jerusalem, this is a bit harder. Does the Siloam Pool, the מי השילוח, count?]] If you think that being awake all night will interfere with your ability to have kavvono during shachrəs, then you really should sleep. I warn you that we davven uncut Nôsach Ashkenaz here, and an uncut Nôsach Ashkenaz davvening on the morning of Yôm Vayyôsha` is quite long. Davvening will be beginning at around 5:35 AM, and may not end until almost 9:00 AM, or even later. I may go to sleep, or I may stay up, depending on how I am feeling. There are plenty of couches here where people can sleep, and upstairs we have four beds, which you can feel free to use, since I will be sleeping on one of the couches down here.”

I would like to note an important difference between the texts of the תיקון ליל שבועות and the תיקון ליל יום ויושע. The Shovu`ôs one contains snippets from the beginning and end of each Porosho, book of Na”kh, and tractate of Mishno, but very little actual content. The Yôm Vayyôsha` one, on the other hand, contains all the various “songs” and song-related texts of Scripture (as listed both in the medrosh and in the piyyut אי פתרוס, which we recite tomorrow morning), as well as all the mishnoyôs of tractate Yom Tov (AKA Beitzo), which has been a traditional Yôm Vayyôsha` text since Geonic times, if not earlier. If you are going to stay up all night, I encourage you all to study, and not merely recite mindlessly, the תיקון ליל יום ויושע.

However, before we begin our study, I would like to give a brief shi`ur on the structure of the Yôm Vayyôsha` morning service. I am delivering this shi`ur now, so that those who wish can go to sleep right afterwards.

12:23 AM: My shi`ur: The structure of the Shovu`ôs morning service. (Explanation of how Yōtzərōs and Kərōvōs work in general, and why we are doing Targum and Aramaic piyyutim in the middle of the leyning.) Explain what people should do if, chas ve-sholôm, they are hardcore Sepharadim or total GR”Oniks, in which case their tradition is opposed to the recitation of Yotzrəs: namely, they should very slowly recite the bərokhôs of Keri’as Shema`, and the Shema` itself, until they reach גאל ישראל; at that point, they should wait silently until the rest of us reach that point.

12:53 AM: The reading of the תיקון. We read each “song”, with trop, either in unison or by listening to a leader—or, better yet, responsively. Stand for שירת הים itself, and have a little dancing after it, inasmuch as is permitted on Yom Tov. After (or before) each “song”, have a student give a presentation about the particular song, the situation under which it was originally sung (according to the biblical text), midroshim about it, etc. Also, it should be noted whether the song is written in the biblical in the form of שירת הים (stacked like bricks), in the form of האזינו (in two long columns), or as prose. [If in Eretz Yisro’eil, put a certain amount of focus on the Song of the Future; if in Hu”l, put devote very little time to this song, because we'll deal with it on the morrow.]

3:10 AM: Chabburə in Mishnoyôs, Tractate YômTôv/Beitzo. (It is traditional to read this on יום ויושע.)

5:10 AM: Wake up (for all the people who didn’t stay up all night)! Let’s all go to the shore of the water, to davven Shaharith.

5:30 AM: Arrive at the shore of the water.

5:35 AM: Pesukei de-zimro.

6:27 AM: Silent Tefillo.

6:37 AM: Hazoras ha-Sha”tz (including the Kedushto and dukhenen, even in Hu”l).

7:30 AM: So-called “הלל בדילוג”.

[[7:45 AM: If Yôm Vayyôsha` falls out on the Shabbos of חג המצות, do Keri’as Hammegillo. Obviously, we'll be inside, rather than at the seashore, because on Shabbos we cannot carry the Torah Scrolls, prophetic scrolls, or megillo-scrolls. (If we have two megillôs, and we have enough people, it could be nice to break into two separate groups, one of which would have a man leyning the megillo, and one of which would have a woman leyning the megillo. Both men and women would be invited to be listeners at either group. Of course, we would first need to do research about whether the reading of Shir Hasshirim with a berokho requires a minyon; or whether כנופיא (a group of people, male or female) is enough, or whether even כנופיא is not needed; also we would need to see how many men or women we have present at the Shabbaton on the particular year.) Add 25 minutes to each of the times recorded below.]]

7:45 AM: So-called הוצאת תורה (really just singing of pesukim, while the sifrei thôro and the scroll for the haftoro sit under talleisəm on top of the table next to the shore of the water).

8:00 AM: Leynen. Include Targum after each posuk. (שירת הים will be recited responsively, either at this point [with the leyner repeating the congregation’s parts, כדי להוציאם מתוך הכתב], or during pesukei de-zimro.)

8:45 AM: Haftoro (with Targum after each three pesukim).

9:00 AM: So-called הכנסת תורה.

9:10 AM: Silent tefillo of Musof.

9:20 AM: Hazoras Ha-Sha”tz (including dukhenen, of course).

9:40 AM: End of davvenen. The rav makes the following announcement:

We are going to have a small kiddush here, with the wine, fruit, and mattze-meal-cakes that we brought along with us to the seashore. (Those who are tired should feel free to go back to my place right now, to sleep. I brought an extra key with me, and will give it to you folks right now.) Let us try to have everything cleaned up by 10:05 AM, so that we can get all the sifrei thôro and other ritual stuff back home soon. We will not be eating lunch immediately, because much of lunch still needs to be cooked. I would appreciate it if a few of you could help me in the kitchen from around 10:30 until around 11:30. The rest of you can hang out during this time. Make sure not to make too much noise in the living room, because many people will probably be sleeping during this time.

11:30 AM: Shi`ur outside on the mirpeset. Topic: why is there no שהחיינו on Yôm Vayyôsha`?

12:30 PM: Wake up! Lunch!

12:35 PM: “Kiddusho Rabbo”.

12:37 PM: Washing.

12:42 PM: Mattzo, with various tibbulim / “selatim”.

12:50 PM: Appetizer: Carcioffo alla Giudaia (“Jewishly-prepared artichokes”).

1:05 PM: Read the סדר קרבן מוסף של_חג המצות.

1:20 PM: Bring out the hearty vegetable soup.

1:50 PM: Read the Abravanel’s essay on the nature of different kinds of “shir”, and his examination of how שירת הים fits into these categories. Like all the other handouts, this will be vocalized and punctuated for easy liturgical reading. Each talmid will read a paragraph of the Hebrew, during which time people can glance at the facing English translation, and then the next student will read the next paragraph.

2:40 PM: Bring out the mashed potatoes, ratatouille, and meat.

3:30 PM: Read the שלש מצוות עשה piece from רבמ"ם, הלכות חגיגה א:א (about the ראייה, חגיגה, ושמחה).

3:40 PM: Have a talmid give a vort about those mitzvôs.

3:55 PM: Bring out the alu gobi.

4:15 PM: Have a talmid give a vort introducing the מאמר הזוהר for Day #1 of Yôm Vayyôsha`, as found in the סדור היעב"ץ.

4:25 PM: Read that מאמר הזוהר.

4:35 PM: Bring out an enormous watermelon, with a huge knife. Split the watermelon into two, using the knife, and say: כך קרע הקדוש ברוך הוא את הים. (OK, I admit that it’s rather corny.)

4:37 PM: Bring out the rest of the dessert.

4:55 PM: Sing zemirôs for Yôm Vayyôsha`.

5:15 PM: מים אחרונים.

5:18 PM: Bentshen. Of course, one individual is mautzi everyone else, but it would be cool for each individual to have his or her own כוס של_ברכה, as at the Pesah seider.

5:25 PM: After-broche: על הגפן ועל פרי הגפן.

5:26 PM: Stretch. Free time until minho. Please be quiet around the living-room area, because many people probably want to nap.

6:50 PM: Minho.

[[7:10 PM: If in Eretz Yisro’eil, then a brief shi`ur about something-or-other, followed by `arvis and havdolo. The Shabbaton ends at this point.]]

[[7:10 PM: If in Hu”l, shi`ur about Yôm Tôv Sheini, Sefiras Ho`ômer, and demarcation of time. Remember, this evening we will reach the milestone of the end of the first full week of ספירת העומר. And, as we know from halokho, מצוה למימני יומי ומצוה למימני שבועי. Aggadically, how does Yôm Vayyôsha` fit into the progression Pesah --> Yôm Vayyôsha` --> Shavu`ôth, which is the progression Bō --> Beshallah --> Yithrō?]]

7:55 PM: Sing מה-טבו.

8:00 PM: `Arvis. (Yes, of course with פיוטי מעריב.)

8:25 PM: Come over to the table, for another seider. Yay! Isn’t everybody hungry?

8:30 PM: The rav gives the following announcement:

This is going to be the final Yontev Kiddush of the week. Let’s start thinking about the ways in which we are moving forward from the חג המצות week, more towards חג השבועות, or the workdays/schooldays of Sefiras Ho`omer, or the rest of the calendar cycle in general. It’s hard to believe it, but in under twenty-four hours we will be hearing the Chometzdikker Borechu.

In some ways, this Kiddush is just the Kiddush of sefeikə də-yômə of YômVayyôsha`— we continue to play the conceit that yesterday might have really been the last day of חול המועד, and today is in fact Yôm Vayyôsha`, so all the mitzvôs that we performed yesterday do not count, so we must repeat them all today. That is a very bedievedike way to view Yôm Tôv Sheini—ideally, we would know what the correct day of Yôm Vayyôsha` was, but since we do not, we keep two days, bedi`eved.

Apparently, that was the view that Jews had of Yôm Tôv Sheini at some point earlier in Jewish history. However, this clearly changed at some point. Rav X declared that locations which were too far to hear the news about the proper days of Sukkoth (because the sheluhim could not travel on Yôm Kipput), even if they could hear the news about the proper days of חג המצות (and mmeilə חג השבועות, whose date is calculated from the second day of חג המצות), nevertheless had to observe two days of each of the spring holidays. It sounds like this Amora was already starting to view Yôm Tôv Sheini as a ləchatchillə.

This comes across very clearly when we start reading about the liturgy of the second days of holidays. In the end of Bavli Megillo, there is a long boraiso detailing the Torah readings for each holiday. The stammo digəmoro interrupts this boraiso after each holiday, to ask: And what do we leyn on the morrow? If day #2 were merely a bedievedike copy of day #1, we would surely leyn the same passages as on day #1. Later on, we see that the communities of Ashkənaz chose different Yôtzrôs and Kerôvôs for the second days of holidays. These liturgical choices often gave the second day a special character, separate from the first day, and when Jewish communities returned to Eretz Yisro’eil in the past few hundred years, they had to figure out how to deal with the special rituals of the second day: which rituals should they move to the first day, and which rituals should they throw out? Thus, the practice of observing one day, which had originally been a ləchatchillə, had now become a bedi`avad.

What is the special character of the second day of Yôm Vayyôsha`? Well, the piyyutim that we recited this evening, and the ones that we shall recite tomorrow morning, definitely are all about the regular themes of Yôm Vayyôsha`, Keri`as Yam Suf and the Songs. In fact, these piyyutim were written just for Yôm Vayyôsha` in general, and not specifically for the first or second day. However, the haftoro tomorrow is עוד היום בנֹב לעמד, from Isaiah 10-11, and it is all about the future redemption, which, it is said, will occur on חג המצות, just as did the redemption of Israel from Egypt at the time of Moses, and the redemption of Jerusalem from the Assyrians at the time of Isaiah. This was mentioned in the piyyutim of last night, and again in the piyyutim that we recited this evening.

The Chasidists, and possibly earlier groups, as well, caught on to this idea of this day as a holiday about the future, rather than the past; they have a special meal in the late afternoon, which they call di məshiyəch sə-idə (די משיח סעודה), which is somehow modeled on the seider of Pesah, except that it points more toward the future than to the past. We, too, will hold such a se`udo tomorrow, which will also be a way to say goodbye to the mitzvo of matzo. (The Go’ôn of Vilnə always used to have a meal in the late afternoon of this day, in order to say goodbye to that mitzvo.)

Later on in tonight’s seider, various people will have vorts to say about this day’s connection to both the past and the future. But for now, let’s deal with the present: halokho says that at the present moment we must make Kiddush. So let’s make Kiddush.

8:40: Kiddush.

8:45 PM: Serve hors d’oeuvres at this point. If any of these are symbolic foods, have a talmid explain the symbolism.

8:35 PM: Read the Haggadah for יום ויושע, in the same manner as last night.

9:00 PM: Sing יום ליבשה.

9:05 PM: Read passages about the future Redemption, and the relevance that vibrant song will have to that redemption.

9:35 PM: Sing אדיר הוא, יבנה ביתו בקרוב.

9:40 PM: Wash for mattzo. (This is going to take a few minutes, because of the large amount of people around the table.)

9:45 PM: Hammautzi.

9:50 PM: Bring out the fish fried in a mattze-mehl batter.

10:05: Bring out the stir-fry of onions, broccoli, celery, carrots, and other vegetables.

10:15: Have some lerning about Jerusalem’s survival of the Assyrian onslaught in the days of Isaiah.

10:40: Bring out the stuffed cabbage and associated potatoes.

11:00: Sing some zemirôs for Yôm Vayyôsha`.

11:15 PM: Dessert.

11:40 PM: מים אחרונים. Bentshen. Of course, one individual is mautzi everyone else, but it would be cool for each individual to have his or her own כוס של_ברכה, as at the Pesah seider.

11:48 PM: After-broche: על הגפן ועל פרי הגפן.

11:50 PM: Ten-minute stretch and breather.

12:00 AM: The rav makes the following announcement:

I know that everyone now is exhausted, but remember that we have only twenty
more precious hours of Yôm Tôv, before we go back to ordinary vokheneyge life.
Therefore, let us be strong, and try to stick together and lern Shir Hasshirim,
in a all together in a chabburə, until dawn. Again, anyone who thinks that this
will prevent him or her from being able to properly davven tomorrow should
probably just go to sleep. One can still catch over five hours of sleep tonight!

12:05 AM: All-night Shir Hasshirim chabburə.

5:30 AM: Wake up the people who didn’t stay up all night reading Shir Hasshirim.

5:35 AM: Pesukei de-zimro.

6:10 AM: Around this time, we reach Borakhu. Wake up the people who didn’t want to get up for Pesukei de-Zimro.

6:27 AM: Silent Tefillo.

6:37 AM: Hazoras ha-Sha”tz (including the Kedushto and dukhenen, even in Hu”l).

7:25 AM: So-called “הלל בדילוג”.

[[7:40 AM: If Yôm Vayyôsha` falls out on the Shabbos of חג המצות, do Keri’as Hammegillo. (If we have two megillôs, and we have enough people, it could be nice to break into two separate groups, one of which would have a man leyning the megillo, and one of which would have a woman leyning the megillo. Both men and women would be invited to be listeners at either group. Of course, we would first need to do research about whether the reading of Shir Hasshirim with a berokho requires a minyon; or whether כנופיא (a group of people, male or female) is enough, or whether even כנופיא is not needed; also we would need to see how many men or women we have present at the Shabbaton on the particular year.) Add 25 minutes to each of the times recorded below.]]

7:40 AM: Taking out the Torah Scrolls and the Prophetic Scroll.

7:50 AM: Leynen. If during the week, begin with כל הבכור. If Shabbos, begin with עשר תעשר.

8:05 AM (weekday) / 8:13 AM (Shabbos): Haftoro (with Targum after each three pesukim).

8:15 AM / 8:23 AM: Mattenas Yod.

8:25 AM: Putting back the various scrolls.

8:35 AM: Silent tefillo of Musof.

8:45 AM: Hazoras Ha-Sha”tz (including dukhenen).

9:05 AM: End of davvenen. The rav makes the following announcement:

We still have a few hours until lunch. I am going to make kiddush now, so that we do not have to starve until lunchtime. There will be snacks here at the table, so that we can have קדוש במקום סעודה. The next few hours will be hang-out time. At 9:30, a bunch of us will be playing table-games (e.g. Apples-to-Apples, and that sort of game) at the eating table. Feel free to play, or not play, or lern, or sleep. If you go out to the mirpeset, you can inhale the wonderful Yom Tov air.

11:30 AM: Gather people together for lunch.

11:35 AM: “Kiddusho Rabbo”

11:37 AM: Washing.

11:42 AM: Mattzo, with various tibbulim / “selatim”.

11:50 AM: Appetizer: Carcioffo alla Giudaia (“Jewishly-prepared artichokes”).

12:05 PM: Read the seider of how they offered some sacrifice or other in the Miqdosh. (I still haven’t yet figured out what.)

12:20 PM: Bring out the potato-leek soup.

12:40 PM: A talmid gives a shi`ur on תביאמו ותטעמו: how Shirath Hayyåm itself ties together past, present, and messianic future.

1:05 PM: Bring out the various kinds of fish.

1:30 PM: Have a talmid give a vort introducing the מאמר הזוהר for Day #2 of Yôm Vayyôsha`, as found in the סדור היעב"ץ.

1:40 PM: Read that מאמר הזוהר.

1:50 PM: Bring out the turkey, the beef, and the chicken, and the associated vegetables and potatoes.

2:35 PM: Sing zemirôs for Yôm Vayyôsha`.

2:55 PM: Bring out the desserts.

3:15 PM: מים אחרונים.

3:18 PM: Bentshen. Of course, one individual is mautzi everyone else, but it would be cool for each individual to have his or her own כוס של_ברכה, as at the Pesah seider.

3:25 PM: After-broche: על הגפן ועל פרי הגפן.

3:26 PM: Come over to the living room.

3:30 PM: Shi`ur. “ואתם כתבו לכם את השירה הזאת: The entire Torah as a song.”

4:15 PM: Get up and stretch.

4:30 PM: Minho.

4:50 PM: Məshiəch-sudə: I don’t really know what goes on at an event of this nature, so I’ll have to do some research into chsidics, and see if there are any pre-chsidic traditions regarding such a meal. The meat at the main course can be buffalo.

7:10 PM: מים אחרונים. Bentshen. Of course, one individual is mautzi everyone else, but it would be cool for each individual to have his or her own כוס של_ברכה, as at the Pesah seider.

7:17 PM: After-broche: על הגפן ועל פרי הגפן.

7:18 PM: Shi`ur: The transition between the week of חג המצות and ordinary life. A mix of hilkheso (about חמץ שעבר עליו הפסח) and aggadto (about dealing with the יצר הרע).

8:10 PM: `Arvis. Havdolo—on beer, if possible.

Is this true?

Two rumors were repeated in my presence this weekend about Rav Moshe Feinstein:

First rumor: His children had mixed seating at their weddings.

Second rumor: His granddaughters... how can I say this gently?... had very brief careers in the magazine business.

Can anyone debunk or embellish?

(Note, I am hoping the first one is true, and that second one is false, If anyone can provide the facts, I'll post them so that the next person who hears these rumors and Googles "Rav Moshe's Granddaughter" finds this post, and,with it, the truth.)

Update after forty comments: No one on this thread been able to substantiate the second rumor. All we have is a lot of 20-year old heresay, which suggests it never happened. Good.

Second Update Collected on the Internet (and posted on the comment thread): The story NEVER happened. It was a Nasty rumor put out over 30 years ago, as part of a vendetta by a low life that lost a din Torah, against a member of said family. ANYONE who was IN THE KNOW at the time Knows it NEVER happened...you can CHECK in 50 years of Penthouse, Playboy,[and]- you WONT FIND such a picture there of them - because aside from a vicious slander, it simply DOESN'T and NEVER DID exist.
Glad to hear it.

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This is a personal blog, a place where I empty my head and discuss matters that interest me with like-minded people. There's no agenda, no plan to change the world, and no interest in winning converts to my cause (There is no cause.)

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