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Friday, January 07, 2005

THANKS FOR NOTHING

Ok, I am going to be sick, so stand clear.

Vatican to share holy medieval texts with Israel

Sounds good, right? Ok, it is. I'm as glad as anyone that Benjie Blech and his boys other historians will finally get to look at some of the Jewish artifacts hoarded in the Vatican.

But, riddle me this: why are Jewish artifacts in the Vatican's possession in the first place? Why hasn't the Vatican donated them to a Jewish Museum? Or placed them in it's own museum in Rome? Why are Jewish scholars required to jump through hoops, kiss toes, etc, in order to see these things?

More bad news from this article:

A delegation of about 160 rabbis and cantors worldwide, including Blech, and American laypeople will meet with Pope John Paul II this month to thank him for years of goodwill...

In other words, "A delegation of about 160 rabbis and cantors worldwide, etc" are going to fall to their knees and thank the Pope for behaving like a normal, 21st-century, human being?

Talk about the soft bigotry of low expectations!!

:: Let's imagine the encounter ::

BLECH and FRIENDS: Oh, Mr. Pope, thank you for not acting in the manner of your predecessors.

WORLDWIDE RABBIS: Thank you for not being a total, murdering, Jew-hating ass. We appreciate it. Really. We do.

WORLDWIDE CANTORS: Thank you so much for not leading blood libels against us. And thank you for not sending goons to burn us at the steak or to steal our children. You, sir, are so enlightened!

WORLDWIDE RABBIS: Imagine! A pope who doesn't print anti-Semitic diatribes in your official publications. We overflow with gratitude for your munificence.

BLECH and FRIENDS: Yes, and you also recognized Israel! (50 years after the rest of the world did it)

WORlDWIDE CANTORS: and you appologized for the holocaust! (in a weasly, half-ass, manner, that also came 50 years too late.)

BLECH and FRIENDS: But hey! You let us look a Jewish artifacts of great historical value! One at a time!

All: THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

WORLDWIDE RABBIS: You should get maftir Yona!

BLECH and FRIENDS: Or at least Psicha d'neila!

:: End Scene ::

I'd love to do more, but I don't know what I would do with all the vomit.

What? What's that you say? This Pope has been good to the Jews? Well, sure, as far as Popes go, but look at their history: as far as normal air-breathing human beings go, the Bishop of Rome still has a long, long way to go. He doesn't deserve our warm thanks, just yet.

For more, here's Leon Weiseltier: John Paul II is “what Jewish law calls tovel v'sheretz b'yado, one who immerses himself in purifying waters while he holds in his hand an insect that makes him impure.”