It's time to get serious. In some areas, shuls are beginning to open up, but seats are limited. The rule is only 10 people per room. Who gets in and who doesn't?
As a DovBear service, here's a quick guide to the men who are not Minyan Essential.
GUY WHO HATES TACHANUN
You have this tremendous yetzer hara to pray less, which is fine, only you dishonestly support it with this show of fake respect for Rabbis no one has ever heard about. You and your stupid pocket calendar of celebrity yartzeits can stay home.
GUY WHO LEAVES AFTER KEDUSHA
Dude, we need 10 people here until the end. If you can't commit to stay until the end of the last Kaddish we don't need you.
---MOOD MUSIC ---
This is the best, and possibly only song, ever written about a minyan. Give a Listen
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First, you disturb the davening more than the talkers. Second, we haven't seen each other in months. If you can't tolerate a little catching up do your blood pressure a favor and stay home
Of course, your shul mask must be black
GUY WHO CORRECTS THE BAAL KOREH
Nobody likes you.
GUY WHO TAKES CONTROL OF THE THERMOSTAT
We understand you are only able to relax when the room temperature is precisely between 70 and 72 degrees. We also feel you'll be more comfortable at home.
GUY WHO LEARNS DURING DAVENING
Stay home, and put out a yard sign that says "I am very holy and studious." Same effect
GUY WHO IS NEVER HAPPY ABOUT THE START TIME
Look, we just want to daven together. If you send out your dumb and angry emails complaining that mincha should be 10 minutes after candles, not 11, you're going to murder the vibe.
GUY WHO DOESN'T SING
There are only ten of us. For this minyan to work, we all need to pull our weight.
Who did I forget?
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