Guest Post: To be haredi or dati leumi?

An introductory note from Rafi G: What follows was guest posted on my blog, Life in Israel, and I thought the topic is appropriate to be analyzed and discussed here as well.

A Guest Post by Yehoshua Shapiro

Dear Rafi,

Thank you for allowing me space on your blog so that I can hopefully get some direction from your readers and you as well because you have very good insights.

Just a bit of background about myself: we made aliyah just over 7 years ago to Yerushalyim. We are going through an identity crisis now as we can not figure out if we are Charedi or Dati Leumi, or perhaps I should say our dilemma is which direction to pick for our children.

I would think we are Dati Leumi because if there would be no State of Israel we would not be living here. We realize that the government does not exactly always run to our liking, but then we are grateful that we have a government and hopefully one day the government will be run to our liking.

My children all learn in the local Mamad Torani school. One son we send to Rapaport and another kid is still young and goes to a private gan in a house. My daughter now must look for a high school and I am told now is when one has to make a decision of "what you are".

My daughter visited a school today that is considered a charedi leumi school though neither my wife nor my daughter were happy with it. We can look at real Charedi schols or there are the schools for girls that are very strong into the beliefs of Rav Kook and I think they have serious students. I guess we are leading towards that direction now.

What I am very curious to know is why it is that so many people people choose the Charedi route after they make aliyah. I came from a similar background to many of the people who decide to choose the charedi route yet they look at me like I am crazy that I send my children to the Mamad.

There seems to be problems with both types of schools, but my feelings are that there are less problems with the Mamad Torani system. It seems to me to be the most similar system that we had back in the US. I would be very appreciative if someone can explain to me why so many people don't choose the mamad torani schools.

I once mentioned my dilemma to a leading Rabbi who is a zionist but learned in Ponivitche Yeshiva, and when my girls were in grade school I expressed my concern where they should go to school. He said that it is not a concern - they can always go to Ofakim after they finish HS and be acceptable to all communities. I think that is what he meant.

My reservations of the Mamad system is they look to please everyone and sometimes you really don't please anyone that way. The maamad torani system ends after 8th grade, so I must choose something else now.

Some of my concerns in the non charedi system are the level of tzinut and wide usage of internet, though I feel some of these things can be dealt with at the home level.

I have a few questions to address those who have decided to choose the charedi route. The people who come collecting for money are all dressed in charedi clothes, the fliers that this one or that one died all look charedi, can it be that the charedi system can cause people to get physically sick, especially if one has numerous daughters and one is expected to buy them each an apartment?
I think, god forbid, I might get sick as well in that situation. The idea of having to buy an apartment is very frightening to me. I know some very well respected talmdei chachmim who now have to marry off their daughters, and their daughters deserve the cream of the crop, but in order to get the cream of the crop one has to put up a lot of money. At the present time I would not be able to afford this method, though who knows what the future will bring - perhaps I do not have enough bitachon.

I have one niece married and and a nephew married. By both couples the husband is learning full time and neither one has an apartment. I don't recall that there were any demands made on any of the parents. I guess they are considered dati leumi, although I hate labels. I have great respect for these - people perhaps this is what I should encourage for my children.

If anyone has some solid advice I would greatly appreciate it. Any advice on a high school for my daughter - we are only interested in non-dormitory high schools.

Sincerely,

Yeshoua Shapiro

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