Reeks of the shtetel

Does your kid's school also run a sexist and unprofessional chanuka gelt shakesdown scheme or is mine the only one?

Here's what was received in the mail. [Paraphrased]

Dear Parent:

We're showing our appreciation for the holy rebayim and not so holy teachers by collecting tips. Unless you're comfortable insulting the adult into who's charge your precious child is entrusted for up to 9 hours per day, here is what you have to do: Send in some money. We suggest you give the XX inferiors $10 per child, however the size of the gift of appreciation you wish to bestow upon the holy XYs is left to your discretion. We trust in your munificence. It would be a real shame if anything were to happen to little Shraga Velvel's kneecaps. With Torah blessings, etc etc.

And here is how I'd like to reply:

Dear Moneygrubber:

Sorry sport, but you've already shaken me down for a high 4-figure tuition per kid, plus building fund, dinner obligation, journal obligation, student activity fee, and textbook fee. Why don't you reach into your pocket and give the teachers their bonus dough out of that? As I tell Shraga Velvel, I'm not made out of money, and if you lay one finger on his kneecaps I'll let the IRS and the Labor Department know all about your dishonorable, dishonest labor practices. With "Torah blessings" indeed.

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