Obama's letting the terrorists go free!
Uh... no. He isn't. They're just being moved, over the course of a year, to legal prisons.
Do you want them in your neighborhood?!
Right, see, they're not going to be hanging out in the park, or joining your car-pool. They're going to stay locked up in jails.
Dangerous people need to be kept in special jails!
Right, and we have them. They are called SuperMax prisons.
Those can't hold terrorists!!
WTHN? They hold serial killers and mobsters and lunatics and mass murderer. What makes these guys so much more dangerous?
They're terrorists!!
And? It's not like they have super powers.
But next thing you know they'll be citizens!
Homosaywhat?
Wait, wait. Hear me out: Let’s just say that, that, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the mastermind of 9/11, is brought to the United States to be tried in a federal court in the United States, under a federal judge, and we know what some of those judges do, and on a technicality, such as, let’s just say he wasn’t read his Miranda rights. … He is released into the streets of America. Walks over and steps up into a US embassy and applies for asylum for fear that he can’t go back home cause he spilled the beans on al Qaeda. What happens then if another judge grants him asylum in the United States and Khalid Sheikh Mohammed is on a path to citizenship. (Actual remark, by an actual Republican Congressperson, who wasn't trying to fearmonger. At all.)
Well.... for starters there are no US embassies in the US.
But it could happen
Right, and after he becomes a citizen, and takes your job, he could also marry your daughter.
He could?
Sure.... which would make your grandchildren terrorists. Possibly even gay, atheist terrorists.
OMG!
And then (hear me out!) after raising his illegitimate brood of brown-skinned, gay, atheist terroriosts, he could forge his birth certificate, pretend to be born in, I don't know, Hawaii, and run for president!!
ARGH!!!!!!
(Preceding is a slight reworking of this Daily Show bit)
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