SM Needs Your Help

A guest post by Lurker:

Before I explain what you can do to help SM, permit me to introduce myself, for those who don't know who I am. I am, in SM's own wise words, "part of the gleeful chorus... of those who cheered Bush on". Now, some of you, who know very well that I am opposed to President Bush's war in Iraq, and that I have been expressing that opposition ever since the war began, might be a little surprised to hear SM describe me that way. The reason, you, see, is that I express my opposition to Bush only through speech and the written word -- as opposed to hurling shoes and brickbats at the man, which is the method espoused by SM.

In addition to my membership in the gleeful Bush chorus, I am also (apparently) a wild-eyed fanatic Settler®, a poisoner of wells, and various and sundry other unsavory things.

Now last week, SM dropped a shocking bombshell about me: It turns out, he says, that I have been "urging Israeli's to attack policemen". Yes, really.

Needless to say, I was a bit taken aback by this revelation. After all, I certainly have no recollection of urging anybody to do any such thing. In addition, I am opposed, as a matter of principle, to the use of violence against law enforcement authorities -- even if those authorities themselves are engaging in unprovoked violence against oneself. So I would certainly never tell anyone to attack a policeman.

A bit perplexed, I immediately challenged SM to back up his astounding allegation by producing "a single quote from me, anywhere, where I ever urged anyone to attack a policeman".

Imagine my surprise when SM did not reply! This was a bit disturbing, as well as disappointing. After all, nobody wants to know more than I do where I said such a thing. And if I did indeed say such a thing, then I really ought to know about it -- perhaps I have a separate personality of which I'm unaware, that gets up in the middle of the night and posts blog comments inciting to violence against Israeli policemen.

So I asked SM once again, to please show me where I wrote this. Again, believe it or not -- he failed to reply. Several more reminders similarly failed to elicit any response.

Now surely, SM must be telling the truth. After all, as he is so fond of reminding us, he studied at Cambridge and serves in the UK as a judge. And as he told us only a few days ago: "I believe in the justice, justice we must pursue. I also know something about how that works in real life." Certainly, it is inconceivable that a man who pursues such lofty values of justice would possibly lie -- and for no other purpose than to besmirch and demonize an innocent person. So the only reasonable conclusion is that I did, in fact, "urg[e] Israeli's to attack policemen" -- but that SM simply cannot recall exactly where he read it.

Unfortunately, this leaves SM with a dilemma. That's because I, in my annoying stubborness, won't leave SM alone. I keep following him all over the comment threads, reminding him, in polite company, that I'm still waiting for him to show me where I said the thing he claimed I said. Obviously, this has been getting quite embarrassing for him. So much so, that once, His Honor actually broke his silence, and sputtered:

"...sue me. Or shut up."

But I, annoyingly unschooled in the social graces as I am, simply refuse to shut up. So what is our poor judge to do?

Now, you might say, at this point, "Why doesn't he simply do a search, find the place where I made the statement in question, and just show us"? Well the answer, you see, is that he can't: SM is not adept with Google, and does not know how to find things on the internet. Why, just a few days ago, on the Muqata, we were discussing incidents of Israeli Police brutality against anti-government protestors. SM weighed in with his informed judgement that "the incidents are probably lies because the Israeli legal system provides for claims in respect of of such things and a quick search plus a few phone calls reveals none at all". Now, as plenty of us know, just a few seconds with Google reveals hundreds of news reports about countless brutality claims against the Israel Police, as well as the resulting trials of police officers, and Knesset investigations of the same. Why, then, did SM fail to find even one of these news articles when he did his own "search"? Cynics might suggest that he didn't even try to search -- but again, it is inconceivable that a respected judge so devoted to justice would lie, God forbid. So the only reasonable explanation is that SM could not locate any of this information, because he simply does not know how to search the internet.

And if his Lordship couldn't even find even one of those hundreds of articles about Israeli police brutality, how could we possibly expect him to locate that lone, mysterious place where I was "urging Israeli's to attack policemen"?

And that's where you, dear reader, come into the picture. SM can't find where I said it, but surely, all of us, working together, should be able to find it for him. We can make this a great collaborative project, like SETI at home, in which thousands of private PC users use the processing power of their individual computers to help locate extraterrestrial intelligence. In the same way, we can all join in, using our computers to help locate that elusive web page where I, the sinister Lurker, told people to attack policemen.

Just think: By finding that web page, you could single-handedly redeem the honor of SM, a most honest and honorable judge, from the unfair impression that some scoffers may have of him as a liar. And best of all for SM, I promise to immediately put up a toadying, peninent blog post, right here on DovBear, in which I will humbly and grovelingly apologize for having incited against policemen, and most importantly, for having dared to even suggest that SM was lying.

So get to it, people. SM needs you.
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