Some typical conversations with the typical fundamentalist moron:
DB: The universe is very old
TFM: Is not! Now excuse me while I use my cell phone, computer and car, all of which are based upon some of the same principles used to determine the age of universe.
DB: The universe is very old, according to official card-carrying gedolim such as the Ramban, the Ibn Ezra, the Sforno, Yitzchak of Acco, and the Tiferet Yisroel.
TFM: Yeah right. [eye roll]
DB: According to scientists...
TFM: Let me cut you off right there. Scientists are agenda driven liars who think they know everything even as they arrogantly and stubbornly change their minds and adjust their theories whenever new information comes to light. How can you possibly rely on something that is responsive to reality? You should prefer the modesity and humility of those contemporary sages who never change their minds.
DB: Hebrew wasn't the first language. Linguists have demonstrated this conclusively.
TFM: That's a complete lie! Now, excuse me while I take my child to speech therapy, a discipline that works, in part because it depends upon some of the principles and discoveries of linguistics.
DB: Well, the Ramban agrees that Hebrew wasn't the first language.
TFM: La, la, I can't hear you. Anyway we don't pasken like that, he was wrong, in the grips of Greek science, and some kind of sinister Spaniard besides. Now, hush while I mediate over the final instructions he left for his son. And did you see that neato thing he said about magic and kabbalah that I bearly understood?
DB: Additionally, the Ramban, together with every one of the Geonim, and most of the Rishonim say that we're free to accept and reject midrashim as we see fit.
TFM: See la la la above, and how dare you disrespect Chazal by attempting to understand their teachings as they were likely intended to be understood. I suggest you go to a mussar shmooze on emunat chachamim, so you can finally learn which chachamin deserve our emunah and which do not.
TFM: Oy vey! A child of Cham has become president! Let us pray. Let us cover our heads with ashes. Let us tear our clothing. A law of nature has been violated!
DB: Well, don't get carried away. The ibn Ezra, Samsom Rephael Hirsch, and the Solivetchik brothers all read that famous verse in a way that would not preclude a black man from acquiring that authority; moreover, R' Hirsch didn't think the verse had anything to say about the black people alive today. So put away the sackcloth.
TFM: How can that be? My biases and prejudices are deeply felt, and confirmed by years of narrow-minded living. I find it impossible to believe that any great Torah authority might have thought otherwise.
TFM: The Torah is completely divine, and every word and every letter in the MT is exactly as Moshe received it!
DB: The universe is very old
TFM: Is not! Now excuse me while I use my cell phone, computer and car, all of which are based upon some of the same principles used to determine the age of universe.
DB: The universe is very old, according to official card-carrying gedolim such as the Ramban, the Ibn Ezra, the Sforno, Yitzchak of Acco, and the Tiferet Yisroel.
TFM: Yeah right. [eye roll]
DB: According to scientists...
TFM: Let me cut you off right there. Scientists are agenda driven liars who think they know everything even as they arrogantly and stubbornly change their minds and adjust their theories whenever new information comes to light. How can you possibly rely on something that is responsive to reality? You should prefer the modesity and humility of those contemporary sages who never change their minds.
DB: Hebrew wasn't the first language. Linguists have demonstrated this conclusively.
TFM: That's a complete lie! Now, excuse me while I take my child to speech therapy, a discipline that works, in part because it depends upon some of the principles and discoveries of linguistics.
DB: Well, the Ramban agrees that Hebrew wasn't the first language.
TFM: La, la, I can't hear you. Anyway we don't pasken like that, he was wrong, in the grips of Greek science, and some kind of sinister Spaniard besides. Now, hush while I mediate over the final instructions he left for his son. And did you see that neato thing he said about magic and kabbalah that I bearly understood?
DB: Additionally, the Ramban, together with every one of the Geonim, and most of the Rishonim say that we're free to accept and reject midrashim as we see fit.
TFM: See la la la above, and how dare you disrespect Chazal by attempting to understand their teachings as they were likely intended to be understood. I suggest you go to a mussar shmooze on emunat chachamim, so you can finally learn which chachamin deserve our emunah and which do not.
TFM: Oy vey! A child of Cham has become president! Let us pray. Let us cover our heads with ashes. Let us tear our clothing. A law of nature has been violated!
DB: Well, don't get carried away. The ibn Ezra, Samsom Rephael Hirsch, and the Solivetchik brothers all read that famous verse in a way that would not preclude a black man from acquiring that authority; moreover, R' Hirsch didn't think the verse had anything to say about the black people alive today. So put away the sackcloth.
TFM: How can that be? My biases and prejudices are deeply felt, and confirmed by years of narrow-minded living. I find it impossible to believe that any great Torah authority might have thought otherwise.
TFM: The Torah is completely divine, and every word and every letter in the MT is exactly as Moshe received it!
DB: Well, actually, that's a relativly new idea and one the evidence suggests wasn't accepted by every godol in every time and place. The Talmud, the Tosfot, the Ramah, the Ibn Ezra, and others dispute it to varying degrees. There are even a few censored Rashis that suggest he disputed it.
TFM: [Gasp of astonished disbelief] Well, none of you are Orthodox! None of you! Now, get lost. I want to shuckle, hum, and sway over this disagreement between Rashi and the Ramah regarding this Tosfot. I have no time for your claptrap!
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