Yo, its not like I have super powers

On the heels of my last attempt to modernize the language used on our wedding invitations, I have received the following plaintive cry:

DB, see if you can get this annoying wedding Nusach to fall into disrepair.

Why do frum people continue to insist upon describing the Kallah as ?הכלה הבתולה המהוללה

Firstly, as compelling as it might be to gossip about whether the girl put out before marriage or not, why must she be subjected to a public verbal gynecological examination?

Secondly, in a culture where women's name are obscured for Tzniut reasons (most wedding invitations soft-pedal mention of the maternal half of the parents into ורעיתו ), this practice is nothing less than farcical.

I'll do what I can, but moving this mountain might tax even my powers.