A moment of clarity

A guest post by TikunOlam

A few years ago, when I was new to my town, and new to Conservative Judaism, I ate a Shabbos meal at the home of active members of the Conservative shul, the parents of three children who attended the local Conservative day school. An interesting conversation ensued in which the mother of a college freshman described how miserable her daughter was at college. She had been an active member of her shul and the Jewish community, and now felt "left out" of the Jewish community at her college. The reason: At her particular college, Jewish religious life is dominated by RW MOs, most of whom had recently studied in Israel at yeshivas and seminaries. Her daughter was distraught and experiencing shock and anger. She perceived the Orthodox students as elitist and exclusive. “They only want to hang out with each other,” she said. She wanted to be involved in religious life, she wanted to join in the Shabbat meals. She wanted to feel included.

I happen to be an alum of this school. Except when I was a student there, I was on the inside. I had no idea how those on the “outside” were interpreting our community and our behaviors. I never meant to leave out other Jews, never looked down at them, never meant to exclude them from religious life. And I know that my friends never did either.

So I attempted to defend the Orthodox students by explaining what I was like at the time. I was just back from Israel. I felt different than the other students in my long skirts and very different way of life. Growing up and going to Orthodox schools, camps, youth programs, I hardly knew anyone outside of the Orthodox community - not even Jews from the Conservative movement. I was sticking with my own kind at that point in my life because it was all I knew, all I was comfortable with. I felt insecure around people from the “outside world” not because I felt superior, but because I felt lost. It took time for me to integrate successfully to the broader world. It was about me, not about them.

But as time goes on, I forget more and more what I once felt like as an Orthodox insider and what my feelings about the “outside world” once were. These days I view the Orthodox world, for the most part, as an outsider. And after some negative interactions with some, I started to question, how is it is possible for Orthodox Jews to love and respect non-Orthodox Jews while at the same time believing in principles that require “heretics” (I know the definition differs greatly even within the Orthodox community) to be excommunicated, to have any mezuzot or tefilin that they wrote burned, their testimony in Jewish courts invalidated, etc.

Isn’t that some kind of irreconcilable cognitive dissonance? How can you both love your fellow Jew and excommunicate him?

But in a conversation yesterday with someone in my life, also no longer Orthodox, I had a eureka moment. He explained that the Torah Judaism in which he was brought up was a Judaism of love, inclusion, respect and tolerance for all Jews and non-Jews. He reminded me of Hillel and Shamai, of kol yisrael araavim zeh lazeh. He reminded me of what Torah Jews believe regarding how less-observant Jews or non-observant Jews should be treated. He told me that there was no cognitive dissonance at all. He said that the reason that rules of excommunication and burning of tefillin were in place was precisely because Jews would continue to love their fellow Jew, that Jews, being Torah Jews, would want to continue to love and include their fellow Jews.

If Torah Jews through a some natural process excommunicated less observant Jews, or “heretics,” there would be no need for laws that require these things. The laws are meant to protect a certain way of life through requiring a set of behaviors. They are not a reflection of how Torah Jews feel or think about their brothers and sisters.

So what about those who do feel superior, hateful and dismissive of their fellow Jews who are not within their community and do not subscribe to their set of standards and beliefs? This same wise Jew reminded me that people hijacking religions to promote hate is nothing new. It is not the religion.

Of course. I once knew that. How easy it is to forget once you are on the outside.