Leah's Lament

Our mother Leah has asked me to republish her annual complaint:

Dear Jewish People:

Each year, at parshas v'yatze, the Jewish boys and girls all come running home with Rashi's story: "Leah cried day and night. Leah cried day and night. Boo hoo hoo."

But don't you pious people do shnayim mikra v'echad targum? And doesn't the targum (Onkelos) translate the verse about my eyes this way: "And the eyes of Leah were beautiful."

Why yes, I think it does.

And, furthermore, those of you who study Torah like grownups, may have noticed that the Rashbam ALSO says that my eyes were beautiful.

BEAUTIFUL. Not soft from crying, but BEAUTIFUL.

So why isn't their more positive view in circulation? Why am I remembered as the bible's Moaning Myrtle instead of as the chick with the drop-dead gorgeous eyes?

Hmmm?

Also, I know you shrewd Jewish businessman prefer to think of Jacob's scheme with the sheep as the archetype example of Jewish cunning. And, yes, that was a pretty neat swindle. But how about my acquiring a night of hot love for the price of some lousy flowers? That doesn't impress you?

Yours Sincerely,
Leah
Wife of Jacob
Matriarch