The Legend of Übermensch

(The rough-draft notes were recovered from a dumpster outside the DC Comics office building. Carbon-14 dating suggests they were written in 1931 plus or minus 75 years. DNA testing indicates that the sheets were handled by Jerry Siegel, and the handwriting approximates known samples of Mr. Siegel's penmanship. We present this material to the public so that they can see what might have been...)


SCENE 1: The Planet Krypton. In the laboratory of the famous super-scientist Jor-El.

Krypton Cop: Open up in the name of the law!

Jor-El: Come in

Cop: What's that? (pointing to small rocket ship mounted by window)

Jor-El: If you can't figure it out, how did you pass the exam to get into the Police Academy?

Cop: You're disseminating treason by saying the planet is going to explode!

Jor-El: Sorry, it's an inconvenient truth, but you won't have to listen to scientists like me any more.

(Lara, Jor-El's wife, enters, carrying a small suitcase and their baby son, Kal-El)

Jor-El: Any passengers with small children needing special assistance with boarding please come to the gate. (He helps Lara and Kal-El into the rocket ship, which seems like a pretty cramped fit)

Cop: What are you doing?

Jor-El: You are a bit slow. We're escaping from the destruction of Krypton. If the Council had been willing to listen to me, I could have built a whole fleet of much roomier ships, and we could have all escaped. But what the hell, at least I'm saving my family.

Cop: Escape? where to?

Jor-El: With my super-science telescope, I've discovered a nearby planet called "Earth." The locals look just like us, but because of the different color sun andlower gravity, Kryptonians have suiper powers there. It would have been a snap to conquer the place, but, no, those bozos running the Council think they know everyhting....

Cop: I'm warning you, that's treason talk... I'm going to have to take you in. (Planet starts to rumble. Jor-El hops in Rocket, shuts hatch, and launches out of window. (Planet blows up, scattering peieces of kryptonite all over known universe.)

SCENE 2: In the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, around 1921, on the deck of a German ocean liner known for it's exclusive "steerage class®" service. Jor-El, Lara, and Kal-El are dripping wet on the deck, wrapped in blankets, having been pulled from the water. The rocket ship is off to starboard, filling with water and about to sink in over 2,000 fathoms.

Lara (to Jor-El): Wonderful, Mr. Big-Shot Super-Scientist. You said you saw that this planet had aircraft technology and landing the rocket would be a snap.

Jor-El (defensively): Well, they do have airplanes...

Lara: I don't think that the presence of fabric-covered biplanes indicates the presence of space travel and rocket ports. Now look at us! In this primitive place!!

Ship's Captain: Excuse me, vee haff to talk. Zis ship is landing in New York in two days. You absolutely have to be admitted by zee immigration authorities, or vee vill have to take you back to your port of origin at our expense, vhich this steamship company does not vant to do...

Jor-El: yeah, well, lots of luck. Our port of origin just blew up. And you need a rocket ship to get there anyway.

Captain: Vell, my nephew has a friend named Werner von Braun, he vould haff been very interested to see that rocket of yours...But you must be able to enter the United States. Listen, I vill have false papers made for you, and tell you how to answer the questions the inspector asks when you get to Elllis island. You vill haff to be careful, becuase zose Amerikaners, zey are going nuts about immigration, and any excuse zey have to keep out foreigners, zey vill use!

Jor-El: But how can we tell them we're from another planet called Krypton? They'll laugh in our face and send us to a mental hospital!

Captain: Nonsense! Zese Amerikaners, all zose foreign names sound jsut the same to zem. Look, vee are carrying a load of Polish Jews. You just stay with them, and ven zee inspector asks vere Krypton is, just tell him it's a suburb of Chelm. Amerikaners, zey are so ignorant about anysing outside of USA, zey will not know ze difference.

Now you must get below decks and try ou the GermanicLine's exclusive SteerageBunks® and enjoy a bucket of special kosher SteerageCuisine®!

Scene 3: Ellis Island Jor-El, Lara and Kal-El are in a very long line

Lara: That was the most terrible trip I've ever been on!

Jor-El: Nah. can't compare to flying coach class on Trans-Krypton Budget Airlines...

Lara: Well... you might be right. But what they use for diapers on this planet!! ugh!!

Jor-El: Well, honey, once we get set up, I'll start fabricating a little Kryptonian tech on the side. Unfortunately, it's assur to actually change their history.

Lara: "Assur?"

Jor-El: Oh, sorry, we've been hanging around these Jews for so long, I'm starting to pick up their lingo. Means "forbidden." By the way, I think we ought to continue to hang with them. They seem pretty smart, and I like their sense of family life and community.

(They reach the immigration inspector)

Inspector: Where the hell is "Krypton?"

Jor-El: It's a suburb of Chelm.

Inspector: "Krypton," "Chelm," all those Polock cities, they sound so wierd, they might as well be on another planet! OK, I'm going to let you in, but you can't get ahead in America with such greenhorn names, so I'll give you some real American ones: Hmmm, let's see: "Jor-El."... I know! from now on, Mr El, you will be "Jonathan Kent."

Jor-El: "Jonathan Kent!!" How the hell did you get that from "Jor-El?"

Inspector: You think that's wild, you should go to a Reform Temple sometime and see some of the names they come up with! Now, let's see, for your wife, I'd say "Martha" is a good name. I have an Aunt Martha, and she's my favorite aunt. And for the kid, well, that's easy: "Kal-El" becomes "Clark Kent!" Welcome to America, the ferry to the city is out the door to your right.

(He stamps their passports)

SCENE 4: In a small, but comfortable apartment in Brooklyn, 1938. Jonathan Kent has established a modest of steady business repairing small aplliances. Clark, now a senior at the Bornx High School of Science, is returning from school holding a pair of broken glasses.

Clark: Dad, I don't see why I need to wear these stupid glasses, I can see perfectly well without them. In fact, I have x-ray vision, telescopic vision, microscopic vision, heck, I even have polarizing filters built in...

Jonathan: That's it Clark. It's your super powers. We need to talk. I just got a call from Mr. Kowalski today. It was about his son, Stash.

Clark: Yeah, yeah, I guess I can't pretend I didn't do it. I beat the crap out of that anti-semitic putz. How many times can a guy be taunted with that "Christ killer" business and get beat up becuase you told me not to use my powers?

Jonathan: yes, that's the point. You just beat up Stash. That's good. You could have punched him so hard, he would have been launched into orbit around Mars. That's why we have you wear the glasses and "turn the other cheek", it's so people don't think you have super powers. it's to protect you.

But now, I see that you've grown up and can control your powers, so it's time for you to go out on your own and start being your own man.

Clark: Yeah, well, why can't we use our powers to do something about this? (holds up a newspaper with headlines about Kristallnacht)

Jonathan: Precisely. You must go out and battle the forces of evil. America's not ready yest, but mark my words, we'll be fighting Hitler, yemach shmo, beofre too long. And you should be doing so using your super powers.

Your mother has made you this special uniform (holds out a package of folded red-white-and blue fabric) made from kryptonian cloth, which is as indestructible as you are.

Clark: (unfolds costume) Dad, this is bogus! Am I supposed to be fighting evil or working in a circus? And why the "Ü" on the chest?

Jonathan: Don't make your mother go back to her sewing machine! She spent a lot of time on that uniform, time she should be spending doing piecework to help buy your lunch! A little Jewish guilt is in order, young man!

As for the "Ü," Well, you really can't believe that "Clark Kent" is suitable for a superhero. No, we must give you a name with punch! Yes, from now on, when you battle the forces of evil, you will be known as...... Übermensch!

Clark: "Übermensch." But that's German. The Germans are the Bad Guys. Why give me a German name? Doesn't "Übermensch" mean "Superman?" Why not just call me "Superman?"

Jonathan: Listen. Just because some, or even most Germans are being evil right now doesn't mean that that all Germans are or will be evil. "Übermensch" comes from Fredick Nietzsche. He was a german, and while he didn't care much for Judaosm, he always defended the Jews! So wear the name with pride, and rembember the Germans like Nietzsche when you beat up the other Germans! Now, go, suit up and off you go to fight evil, for Truth, Justice, and the American Way!!!


And thus begins the legend of Übermensch...


(Scrawled over this draft is a notation in red pencil -- "Jerry. Good idea, but I think it needs some work.)