Book VII

And on we go...
The Book of Esther
Perak Zayin

Haman and Ach arrived at Ester’s kegger the next day where Ach was thrilled to see his wife had as big a drinking problem as he did. As they chugged away, Ach was about to ask Ester to get naked when he remembered the problems he had with Vashti. Instead, he decided to play it smooth, and asked her, "I see you are sad. What is wrong?"

Ester started to cry and announced that an evil man, with a comical moustache, was planning to kill her and her people -- not to mention that he had all but made it impossible for them to buy SUVs.

The king, aroused by Ester’s tears and willing to say anything to get her in the sack, asked “Mee hu zeh v'ayzeh who!" Ttranslation: "Who be this, and this be who?”]

The king, you see was quite drunk.

"Haman," Ester replied, and the king, having had one margarita too many, shook with alcohol poisoning. Off he ran to go throw up and Haman threw himself at Ester's feet to plead for both forgiveness and Knick’s season tickets.

When the king returned, he thought Haman was trying to put the moves on his girl. Now the truth is, the king was not all that upset with the genocide plan, as he had okayed it himself- also, the King was no big fan of SUVs - but nobody hits on his woman with the king in the house.

Still, the king had always thought Haman was a handsome man, and was about to propose a threesome when Charvonah, one of the king’s butlers, announced that Haman was planning to hang Mudcha, the mime, on a gallows outside his house. The king, who loved mime, ordered Haman hung from it, instead.

By his testicles, Rashi adds with a bit too much enthusiasm.

to be continued...

Written by A.P Kores
Edited by DovBear