WHAT DOES KABBALAH SMELL LIKE?

Light a candle and find out

With the holidays around the corner, there's a fresh opportunity for Kabbalah-savvy entrepreneurs to make a mockery of Judaism with new consumer goods. A press release heralds the much-anticipated arrival of Kabbalah candles from the same company that brought us a "collection of Elton John home fragrances," --- so you know that they've really captured the smell of money burning.

And any press release that name-drops Madonna, Demi Moore, and Ashton Kutcher in its first sentence obviously has a higher-minded purpose -- a "portion" of the proceeds will benefit Kabbalah's Spirituality for Kids program. Of course, there's no mention of the Kabbalah Centre itself in the announcement, and because the KC already has its own line of magic candles, we may witness the joy of lawsuits - or, dare we dream, a bloody turf war? - just in time for Hanukkah!