IN MEMORIAM: SHEIKH ZAYED BIN SULTAN AL-NAHYAN

The Ruler of Abu Dhabi and President of the United Arab Emirates died on Tuesday, aged 86, and the Daily Telegraph sent him off in style.

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The very best bit from the Telegraph's fawning, yawning, mealy-mouthed eulogy:

His skills as a mediator were celebrated throughout the region... His sense of honour became a trademark. He never betrayed the solemn fraternal oath he and his brothers swore before their mother Sheikha Salaama not to murder each other.

Quick! Someone cue the Bette Midler band!

Did you ever know that you're my hero /
you're everything I would like to be

you kept your promise to your mother /
and didn't kill your younger brother