Tuesday, May 08, 2007

People I hate

Oh, who are the people in my neighborhood?
In my neighborhood?
In my neighborhood?
Oh a shmuck is a person in my neighborhood.
The guy I want to beat each day

Don't you hate people who brag and otherwise intimate that they have all sorts of juicy inside information and then refuse to share it? I do. I call those people shmucks.

Ma'aseh she-haya
There's something going on locally that involves any/or all of the following: The mikvah, the shul, the other shul, the school, the pothole on the corner, the crazy lady down the block, the house that howls every day at noon, etc. Recently, some of the local white, male, Jewish residents of the neighborhood got together to discuss the situation. Here's a verbatim conversation held the next day between me, and the shmuck.

Shmuck: Some meeting, last night, huh?

DB: um, yeah

Shmuck: I got home really late.

DB: um, me too.

Shmuck: No I was out until 2AM

DB: Congratulations

Shmuck: We even called [a great and famous leader of our generation who apparently never sleeps, or perhaps resides in a different time zone]

DB: Did you?

Shmuck: It's a horrible situation. A complicated situation.

DB: Yes, I was there last night. I've been reading the emails.

Shmuck: No, there are lots of other details that aren't in the emails

DB: (in his head) Ooh. Aren't you the coolest person in the world now that Dean Martin is dead. (out loud) Nu?

Shmuck: Nothing, nice seeing you, bye.

DB: (in his head) Wow, look at the insecure shmuck. (out loud) See ya!

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